death

[Peony]

DD2 is almost 4, she is a sensitive child, and has health issues so she is frequently ill. ER trips are commonplace in my house. On the 4th of July we were in the mountains with my family, my parents large dog was poisoned and died very suddenly. Before we knew what was going on, the dog went missing, we found her, it wasn't a pleasant scene, the kids were running around helping us look.... we said she was sick and needed to go lay down, because she was ill. We kept the kids away and she died a short time later, DD2 never saw her after the time that we first found her but it obviously was traumatic.


DD2 has been ill twice since then, the last time she very calmly told DH that she was sick and was going to die. Poor thing. I've talked to her about it, that the dog was very ill, but DD2 does get really sick as well so she doesn't get the difference. She is also always sick, she gets several viruses a month on average, winter is months of never ending illness. I was hoping that time would help. Only I just received a text from DH at the hospital saying that his dad(well, not his bio dad but a very close friend of DH's family and really the only family DH has now) is on life support right now and not expected to make it. We see him frequently, he was just over Sunday night, but she also wasn't that close to him. He never had children and while he liked our kids, he never knew what to do with them and therefore never spoke to them or did anything to them. What do I tell her now? She already has it in her mind that when she gets sick she is going to die and now someone else is sick and is going to die.

[SaraC]

I would tell her that sometimes when people and animals get sick they die. That it doesn't happen everytime but it can happen. I would try to explain to her that there are different kinds of being sick and that you don't normally die from a cold or a tummy bug. It really sucks that you have to explain death to her but I would try to make her understand the difference.

[meemee]

i guess for her seeing is believing.

if anyone you know is sick and in hospital and then comes out fine, i would visit that person with her and then visit later when they go home.

she has already seen that everyone who gets sick dies. she really hasnt seen anyone get sick and get better.

[lyterae]

I also think that there is something about the age as well.. DD is 4.5 and is.. well, quite frankly rather morbid. She however is very logical about it rather than sensitive. I'm hoping that she'll develop some tact regarding topics as she gets older.

I agree with SaraC and would just reiterate that sometimes when people or animals are very sick they die.

[Tjej]

There is a book called "Lifetimes" that is good and simple. It just talks about how everything has a lifetime and that they are different lengths.

I'd probably also follow up with the idea that sometimes sick means dying but that is rare, most of the time we get sick we get better. There are different kinds of getting sick, perhaps.

I'd also probably explain the poison to your DD - the dog ate a poison - something that is not safe to eat - it made him the kind of sick that he couldn't get better from.

Tjej

[LynnS6]

You might also call and talk to the social workers at the hospital. A lot of hospitals have a 'Child Life' or other social worker that can work with families whose kids are in the hospital a lot. Since you have a family member in the hospital, they may be able to connect you with some resources (maybe a counselor, maybe just some good books to read or a good way to explain to her in ways she can understand).