At what age will he go to sleep on his own?

[Everrgreen]

I'm just curious

I would love more than anything to be able to nurse my toddler (18 months old), give him a hug and kiss, say good night, and leave the room.... without him having a total meltdown as though I were abandoning him forever. So as it is I end up having to lay there with him until he is completely asleep, which sometimes can take a loooooooong time. Most of the time I don't mind too much, I bring a book or my netbook with me and hang out on the bed until he's asleep. But sometimes when I'm visiting friends/family or have friends/family visiting me I don't want to be in the bedroom with him for 1-1.5 hours.

So, at what age can I expect to be able to do this?? Is there anything I can do to speed up the process?

[chely7425]

I think it TOTALLY depends on the kid... which I realize is totally unhelpful My kids started doing it around 10 months, but that is REALLY early and they are both finicky and need their own beds and space and everything just so to sleep, andthat just so doesn't include me or DH in the room. They never cry to sleep, just lay there and talk to themselves and fall asleep. We didn't do anythig to make them do it, just what they did on their own.

[JERENAUD]

My youngest shocked me by prefering to put herself to sleep from a *very* early age. She was tiny, just a few months old. But then she hit 16 months or so and get hysterical if she even *thinks* that we're going to leave the room. This has been going on for a month or so now, I'm just waiting it out.

So my answer is that a: it can vary widely b: it's always a work in progress and c: 18 months could easily still be part of whatever phase mine is currently in.

Erica

[norbella]

In the same boat

I am wondering the same thing. Any other thoughts from experienced moms out there.... I am really impressed that you can read a book while you are laying down with your son. I have to be totally quiet and still because my daughter will want to get up again with any slight noise. Also, we often end up having to hug her down to sleep as she will just get up repetitively otherwise. We hate doing it but doesn't seem like there is another way....thoughts? Ahhh, going to sleep on their own at 10 months or younger, wow!

[ssh]

Mine started sleeping in her own bed right after turning 4, but she still wanted someone in the room until she was asleep. That could mean she fell asleep during stories or just holding my hand after stories. Before she was 4.5, I'd leave the room to get her water, or put something in the dryer and she'd fall asleep while I was out of her room. It's a regular thing now. We do stories earlier in the living room now. Stories in bed can really drag out bedtime for us now. But after my DD dropped her nap at age 2 going to sleep took a lot less time. Nursing some one to sleep for 10 to 20 minutes isn't bad.

I know some kids do it a lot earlier, but some are even later. She does sleep a solid 10 hours after she goes to sleep.

[triscuitsmom]

Toad is (and has been for quite a while) night weaned, Frog is not. Both of them still need parented to sleep every night although Frog only nurses to sleep about half the time if that, the rest of the time he nurses and then wants other comforting to go to sleep.

As for when they will go to sleep without being parented to sleep I really don't know. To be honest I hadn't even thought about it at this point That isn't to say I'm not annoyed by having to lay there at times, I am But the only people I know who have kids who go to sleep without someone there with them use methods I won't use (CIO, usually from early on so they are used to it by the time their kids are the age of your little one and Frog). I am positive there are kids who do go to sleep easily and on their own but even now with Toad at just about 4 years old it seems rarer to me to have a kid who would not need me at bedtime than the fact I have one who does.

[Tway]

Originally Posted by norbella

Also, we often end up having to hug her down to sleep as she will just get up repetitively otherwise. We hate doing it but doesn't seem like there is another way...

I do that with DD, too. She's almost 10 months and it's suddenly gotten harder to keep her down for naps and at night. I'll often revert to tucking her back into my chest, holding her hand, and preventing her from getting back up. That often puts her out in a few minutes (especially for naps), so I know it's a matter of getting her to stop fidgiting and be still so she can fall asleep. I feel bad about it, too (it feels like I'm holding her down by force), but what else can I do?

[butterfly_mommy]

Well this week my DS decided that he didn't want nursies before nap or bed and that he "wants to go to sleep myself" At first I was kinda hurt that he didn't want to nurse to sleep and then worried he was going to be done nursing but he is nursing still during the day.

Anyway he just turned 2.5 years old and up until this week if I was in the house I needed to nurse him and then lie with him until he fell asleep (anywhere from 10 mins to 1.5 hours) Just before 2 i started to volunteer with a perinatal loss group that had me out of the house at bedtime twice a month so DH and DS figured out a way to go to sleep without nursies but DH had to still be with him till DS was asleep. I have asked him in the past if he wanted to try to fall asleep without by himself and he always said "no with you" until Tuesday at nap time and then at bedtime. I thought that it was maybe a one time thing but decided to gently encourage it without making it a huge deal. I told his dad at bedtime on Tuesday night "Hey guess what? Julian decided he wanted to go to sleep for his nap today with no nursies and to do it by himself and he did!" and his dad said "That's great" then Julian said "Mama no nursies, I want to do it myself" and so we said ok and we gave him hugs and kisses and tucked him in and I told him I was in the next room if he needed me. When I checked on him in 30 mins he was asleep! On Wed morning when he woke up I said "Hey you went to sleep last night all by yourself. Do you feel proud?" and he said "Yes I feel proud" with a huge grin.

Now tonight he did say he wanted nursies after his bedtime routine so I nursed him and after about 2 mins he popped off and whispered "I want to go to sleep myself" and he did!

I think the thing is to not make it a big deal, to be prepared to lie with them or parent them to sleep and acknowledge and encourage their development and trust it will happen when they are ready. Oh and enjoy parenting them to sleep because they will only be this age once!

[Everrgreen]

Thanks everyone for your replies It's always nice to know you're not alone! My DS also will sometimes fall asleep while nursing and those times he can be asleep in minutes. But when he doesn't fall asleep on the boob I know I'm in trouble . If he is clearly exhausted I will also have to 'hug' him to sleep as someone else mentioned. He will fight it at first, which makes me feel awful. And a lot of times I just let him stay up, I don't fight it, and eventually he will want to nurse again and then will fall asleep. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing to do or not. The only time this situation bothers me is when I have people I'd like to visit with. And of course these are the nights that DS has trouble falling asleep - obviously because he knows there are people in the living room and he wants to be part of the fun.

Ah well. I guess I better just accept it. One of the many joys of parenting

[ecoteat]

DD didn't fall asleep on her own at night until she was completely weaned. And it was still several months after that, even. So about 3.5. Now she's 4 and pretty much can't fall asleep if I'm in the room at all.

[ramama]

Being totally unhelpful, but at least honest...my 6.5yo and 4.5 yo do not go to sleep on their own. Sorry! They just like/need me there!

[TPedsView]

Helping your child sleep

To help your child go to sleep my pediatrician, Dr. Brian Thornburg, recommends starting bedtime with books, bath, and quiet time one hour before so they are ready for bed at bedtime.

He has good tips on his website (http://www.thornburgpediatrics.com/a...a_bedtime.html) and in his newsletters (to join, email [e-mail]).