I think I'm going to run away from home. . .so I can sleep for the first time in 7 months

[lellian]

I know, I know. . .we are all exhausted. Mothering is hard work. The hardest job on the planet, and really good, loving, attachment mothering seems to be the more difficult road to journey down with our LO. I am so sleep deprived (broken record, I know) that I have thought about hiding in my closet so I can CIO.

I'm open to all and any suggestions, just please, be kind. I don't think I could take any "it is going to get better" statements. I kinda don't believe it.

Last night after our bedtime routine, and after observing all of DD's sleepy time markers, I tried to put her to bed around 7:30. At 8:40, I gave up, and brought her down stairs so I could eat some dinner. I was so hungry I feared I'd make bad parenting decisions so I took her with me to eat. At 9:15 DH took her for a walk. He brought her back at 9:40, asleep. I took her to bed. She slept until 11:15. Not too shabby, right? I went up to nurse her at 1115. She was up again at 1, 1:57, 2:13, 3:21, 4:23, 5:01, and up for the day at 7:21. She wakes up enough to find my nipple, sometimes nurse, and then she's back to sleep. Me, I'm just stuck being up. Sometimes, I can't (or don't) fall back to sleep because I know as soon as I fall asleep, as soon as I start dreaming, she is going to wake me up. It seems a zillion times harder to deal with my exhaustion if I have JUST fallen asleep and she wakes me vs. just staying up and waiting for the next 60 minutes to go by.

Did I mention that she naps in 20 minute power segments? That I've done the stroller, the car, the walks, the bouncing, the singing, the bathing, the dark room, the white noise, and none of it keeps her asleep.

I've read the books, all of them form one side to the other. Take the nipple out. . .OMG, NO! If and when I do that she wakes up flailing her arms, eyes wide awake, and I have to start the 60+ minute process again. The other night she woke at midnight, and we got her back to sleep at 3:40. She woke at 8 am that morning.

DH tries his best. He is as hands on as he can be. He's late for work 3 days out of the work so I can get more sleep in the mornings. He walks her at night. He has slept with her on his lap. . why does she stay asleep for 5 hours at a time when I'm NOT in the room?

I'm starting to have panic attacks during the night. She wakes up, and my body automatically starts to freak out. My pulse shoots throw the roof, my breath is uneven, I have intense fear and need to get out of the bed immediately. My attitude has hurt my DH. Our once semi, almost perfect relationship has been strained beyond belief.

I need sleep. We need sleep. I'm pretty dang sure DD needs sleep.

What do I do? DH says that I am amazingly patient with her. He wants me to leave the house so he can "sleep train" her. I know what he means. I'm tempted. I need help. I need sleep. I need more than 60 minutes at a time.

She's up already. . .from the time I started this post until now I hear her.

Thanks mamas.

[chely7425]

Do you guys co-sleep? I believe co-sleeping is a wonderful thing BUT it doesn't always work. My kids, for example, would NOT co-sleep past 5/6 months. It honestly made me a bit sad (though now my 2 year old sometimes comes in for cuddles) but they needed their own space to sleep. We were in the exact same position as you when our oldest was around 5 months... we switched to laying him down in the crib and he was like a different baby. They both just need their own quiet area for sleep, we of course go to them as soon as they call for us but not co-sleeping is the only way any of us got any sleep. I know this might not be the popular advice but it is what worked for us.

[Naomismom]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Do you guys co-sleep? I believe co-sleeping is a wonderful thing BUT it doesn't always work. My kids, for example, would NOT co-sleep past 5/6 months. It honestly made me a bit sad (though now my 2 year old sometimes comes in for cuddles) but they needed their own space to sleep. We were in the exact same position as you when our oldest was around 5 months... we switched to laying him down in the crib and he was like a different baby. They both just need their own quiet area for sleep, we of course go to them as soon as they call for us but not co-sleeping is the only way any of us got any sleep. I know this might not be the popular advice but it is what worked for us.

Similar situation here too. DS was a terrible sleeper from the get-go. I found we both got much better sleep when I was not so close to him physically while he slept. For us that meant a crib in another room. Yes, it was annoying to have to get out of bed, but being up for 30 minutes 2 times a night is better than every hour.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Naomismom

Similar situation here too. DS was a terrible sleeper from the get-go. I found we both got much better sleep when I was not so close to him physically while he slept. For us that meant a crib in another room. Yes, it was annoying to have to get out of bed, but being up for 30 minutes 2 times a night is better than every hour.

Yes. This. Getting up is annoying but not sleeping is worse!

[eclipse]

You said she'll sleep for five hours if you're not in the room. Is there another room she can sleep in? Maybe put a mattress on the floor there, so that when she does wake up, you can go to her and lay down to nurse?

[Addie]

Originally Posted by lellian

why does she stay asleep for 5 hours at a time when I'm NOT in the room?

Can you go with this? Some babies need their own space to sleep - mine does. We found that our by accident when staying w/ family for the holidays and we never looked back. If she sleeps better & longer without you in the room - get her into her own space, for goodness sakes! Sure, co-sleeping is great when it works for everyone... but it doesn't always.

[lellian]

I'm sorry. I should have clarified. She will sleep for 5 hours if I'm not in the room, but ONLY IF daddy is holding her downstairs. She won't sleep in her crib for five hours, or without one of us for five hours. I can barely get her in her crib so I can shower without a meltdown.

[eclipse]

Have you tried nursing her to sleep in bed, then leaving and sleeping somewhere else while your dh sleeps with her for awhile? Or will she not let you take the nipple away even when she's done nursing?

[MamaChicken]

Last night, I slept on the couch and DH had night time duty. The boys sleep much better with just him. It only happens once a month, but I needed it to get enough rest to make clear decisions. So maybe have daddy sleep in bed with her for a few nights and see how it goes? You take another bed or even the couch?

Five hours of uninterupted sleep will seem like paradise!

[Tattooed Hand]

I feel your pain, mama! DD is up to waking every 2-3 hours but went through a phase where she would wake every 1-1.5 hours for 6 weeks. I really almost lost it in ways you describe. Things are still far from ideal, but taking the nipple away did work. It took a solid month before I saw some results but after 1 month, DD began taking naps alone, for like 1.5-2 hours twice a day. And she sleeps 9 hours a night. She takes time to get to sleep (walks, bath, rocking, nursing) but she does not wake more than 2-3 times at night and usually just for a quick feed. I think part of it was developmental - sitting and crawling came close together, along with teeth and it was murder.

I know this doesn't help in the short term, but if you can (aside from getting some short term sleep and trying some other suggestions) keep trying to take the nipple away. DD fought it HARD at first and would root around again and again and again and I would let her take it. Eventually she began to give up and to do so more and more often. It's hard but the long term payoff was significant for me.

We also switched our sleeping arrangement, with DD and I now on a full and DH on a twin right next to us and it has helped. She is less often disturbed.

I wish I had more suggestions... I am beginning to suspect there is no magic bullet here.

I hope you feel better and find a way to get some sleep.

[CI Mama]

Your situation is exactly where I was when my daughter was that age. I can totally relate, including the late night panic attacks.

There was no magic bullet that solved all our sleep issues. It's been a gradual evolution that continues to this day. My DD is now 22 months old and sleep is still an issue, but the issue has changed, and in so many ways things are better. I have started to believe that someday she might go to sleep in her own room and stay asleep for the whole night, and I'm not at the point of desperation where I feel like I'll die if that doesn't happen in the next 3 days.

I don't have a lot of great advice, other than to say hang in there. For me it was overwhelming to try to come up with a comprehensive plan that would solve all of our problems. I had to focus on just getting through tonight, whatever that took. Maybe trying one change and seeing if it helped. I also got to a point where I realized that a lot of my job was just to figure out how to survive while my DD's nervous system developed. So I gradually focused more on what it would take for ME to get enough sleep, and less on what it would take for HER to get sleep.

Also, I found that getting hungry in the middle of the night was contributing to my panic. A bedtime snack helped, and I started keeping hard boiled eggs in the fridge so that I could grab one in the middle of the night if I got hungry. That would sometimes help with the insomnia caused by too many interruptions in one night.

Please let us know how things are coming along for you.

[omelette]

You're situation is so similar to mine.
I went 9.5 months sleeping in 10 minutes to 1.5 hour intervals with 5-30 minute naps during the day. Absolute exhaustion!
Dh has been on holidays the last 2 weeks and our goal was to try and figure out something for sleep b/c I was totally falling apart. Dh offered to sleep in the bed with ds; he was sleeping in the spare room. I went for. I started sleeping in the spare room and dh slept in the bed with ds. In one night I went from feeding him every 1-1.5 hours to going in 2 times to feed him. By night 3 I was only going in 1 time to feed him. He did wake up in between but dh was able to rock him back to sleep in no time. He went right back to sleep for dh b/c he knew there was no milk available. When I'm beside him he wants to drink all night and if I dare try to rock him he will cry until I give him milk.
Me being out of the room has worked really well for us. I know ds is still being snuggled all night if he needs it and he is sleeping for longer intervals which he needed too. And I'm getting sleep!
Any chance your dh will try something along these lines?

[D_McG]

I agree to leaving the bed and feeding at fixed intervals if necessary. The kind of waking you're describing is something I'm familiar with and I learned to sleep through it (mostly. Someone here called it the 'no clock sleep solution' where you just allow yourself to wake enough to bring the baby to you). But that's just not possible for some people and the way you're living now is just not sustainable. You'll get sick.

Give it a few nights. Babies are very adaptable and she'll learn to find comfort in your husband. You could also try a pacifier although it's unlikely she'll take one this late in the game. My son took one and it helped a bit.

Everything will be OK. You can lead her to where she needs to be so that everyone can start enjoying life again!