I feel like I am so bad at this.

[mrs.t]

This is mostly just venting/a rant/whatever you want to call it, but I have been having more bad days than good ones with DS. He's almost 4 mos, and whenever I think I have him figured out, he changes. Lately he's just been so fussy, which I used to be able to handle because he was sleeping pretty well at night. Now he's up every 2 hours AND fussy all day, which I just can't deal with. The only time he's happy is when we are out for a walk, and it's been 90+ degrees every day. I just can't do it. I'm tired, I'm losing my patience, and even though DH and my MIL help out, I can't go far because I'm breastfeeding, and when I try to pump so I can leave a bottle, I only get like a 1/2 ounce. So I have to pump daily for a week just so I can go out to dinner with my husband, or go to my part time job. I've just had it. Then I read these posts where other mamas say that they had a DC who was like this for a year or more, and I just want to lose my mind. I want to enjoy my DS. I want to feel like I know how to console him and make him happy. When the day goes like this I feel like the worst mother in the world. Yes, I know it will pass. Yes, I know I am sleep deprived and viewing this with a skewed perspective. But I miss spending time with my DH, I miss being able to go grocery shopping, I miss sleep. I want more good days than bad.

[nola79]

I know how you feel. I really believe the 1st year is the hardest. I hope it gets better for you soon.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

This is mostly just venting/a rant/whatever you want to call it, but I have been having more bad days than good ones with DS. He's almost 4 mos, and whenever I think I have him figured out, he changes. Lately he's just been so fussy, which I used to be able to handle because he was sleeping pretty well at night. Now he's up every 2 hours AND fussy all day, which I just can't deal with. The only time he's happy is when we are out for a walk, and it's been 90+ degrees every day. I just can't do it. I'm tired, I'm losing my patience, and even though DH and my MIL help out, I can't go far because I'm breastfeeding, and when I try to pump so I can leave a bottle, I only get like a 1/2 ounce. So I have to pump daily for a week just so I can go out to dinner with my husband, or go to my part time job. I've just had it. Then I read these posts where other mamas say that they had a DC who was like this for a year or more, and I just want to lose my mind. I want to enjoy my DS. I want to feel like I know how to console him and make him happy. When the day goes like this I feel like the worst mother in the world. Yes, I know it will pass. Yes, I know I am sleep deprived and viewing this with a skewed perspective. But I miss spending time with my DH, I miss being able to go grocery shopping, I miss sleep. I want more good days than bad.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, and the possibility of it being at least a year of this can probably feel really daunting. Do you know anyone who could pump you some breastmilk/a milk bank that you could buy from so you can get a bottle or two and get ONE night out? It might make you feel refreshed and back to yourself again.

Now keep in mind I really don't know much about breastfeeding as I was unsuccessful at breastfeeding after breast surgery and I formula feed, so take this with a grain of salt... but have you thought about renting a hospital grade pump? Or maybe seeing a lactation consultant/someone who is really experienced at pumping to take a look at how you're doing and give you some pointers? Maybe there's a way to up your pumping ability with better equipment/guidance. Just something to think about.

[mrs.t]

Thank you.

I have a pretty good pump, and I did speak to a lactation consultant. It's a normal output for someone who is not skipping any feedings. I get more when I do go to work, because I'll miss a feeding there and pump, so I get about 2 oz. It's just that DS will wolf down as much milk as I leave for him, so I could pump all week and get maybe 5-6 oz or more, and he'll speed through it if I'm gone for like 5 hours. Then I'm back to trying to build up a supply again for the next outing.

I have been out a few times with DH. I guess I'm just mourning my freedom, which I never thought I would do. I thought it would be easier to just pump some milk and leave DS with a sitter. I also thought he would be in a good mood a lot more often than he is, so I wouldn't be longing to get away and then feeling guilty about it.

[Detcb]

I can totally sympathize! Dd also had a horrible day today. Have you tried taking him with you? I think my dd gets bored and then cranky. She seems to enjoy mundane errands and the fun stuff like the horse track/fairs/festivals. They help me too. Do you know anyone with a pool? That has proven to be a great time for us in the heat.

My dd won't take a bottle, so I'm kind of jealous of you!

[Katie T]

I feel for you mama! It is hard and exhausting!

I hope I can help a little. I am a sucky pumper as well. One thing I found worked well was to pump at the same time every morning. This built up my supply so I would eventually (in a wk? I don't remember how long it took) pump more every pumping.

A sling or baby carrier of some kind can be really helpful as well if you don't have one some LLL groups lend them out so you could try it before buying.

Does you little one take a pacifier? If he doesn't and you aren't apposed they can be really helpful for fussy babies.

I hope things improve for you soon!

[SeattleRain]

Sling is a great suggestion. My LO loves the ring sling, as well as the Ergo (my husband wears it) and sometimes we almost forget he's there You might even be able to wear your LO on your back an then you might REALLY feel free. Or your husband could wear him so you wouldn't feel so totally responsible for soothing him. I know that I often feel like I'm soley responsible for soothing my son and I forget my husband has two good working hands too! If your LO isn't hungry (i.e. nursing) feel free to hand him off to Dh.

Can I also suggest you get the Dr. Sears Baby Book? They have some really good information on dealing with fussy babies that has really helped us when our LO is fussing for no real reason.

[cristeen]

You may want to try feeding on one side and pumping on the other. The baby stimulates let down, so the pump has a much easier time. It's a lot to juggle, and you may need your DH to hold the pump for you the first few times. But get the babe settled into a football hold and with some practice you may be able to manage it.

I'd also double-check to see that whoever is watching him is not over-feeding him. A BF babe of that age should not be taking more than 2 oz at a feeding. I mean, if you're gone 6 hours, and he's used to eating every 2 hours, that's still going to be 6 oz, but if you're only gone an hour or 90 minutes (like for a little "me time"), 2 oz should be plenty if you feed right before you leave. I don't know that I'd hit up someone for donor milk though unless you were already good friends/family.

The first little bit is very tough. I know it's 90 degrees out, but is there somewhere with A/C you can go for a walk (like a mall)? Getting out of the house and exercise can both *really* help with the feelings of isolation and helplessness that are so common in the early days. So can sun exposure - so even an early morning walk around the block can start the day off right if the temp is low enough.

The other thing to be sure of is that you're eating/drinking enough and that your food is quality nutrition. Your body is working really hard right now, and you need to support it with good food. Limiting your refined grains and sugars can really help stabilize your mood. You may want to talk to your OB as well if these feelings don't pass - ask them for a PPD screening. There's no shame in PPD, so allowing it to continue unchecked is pointless.

[toughcookie]

Originally Posted by cristeen

You may want to try feeding on one side and pumping on the other. The baby stimulates let down, so the pump has a much easier time. It's a lot to juggle, and you may need your DH to hold the pump for you the first few times. But get the babe settled into a football hold and with some practice you may be able to manage it.

i agree with this ^ advice completely. when i pump without baby, i get an ounce or two. when i pump with baby, i get a whole bottle from one boob. it helps so much, and if your babe will be satisfied with one breast's worth, you will SLOWLY but surely build up a bank. i'd recommmend breaking the collected milk into many small bags, so he can be given some but not the whole amount. some may be adequate for him!

[HonkyTonka]

Originally Posted by toughcookie

i agree with this ^ advice completely.

agree.

I'm lucky and can pump lots (in AM only), but with dd on the other breast, WOWEE, lots of milk really quickly.

[mrs.t]

Wow that's great...how do you gals do it? With DC in the football hold? I'll probably have DH help me. I tried it one day but it was just too much to juggle, especially with DS being a big fidget.

Thank you for the suggestions!

We're having a better day today...I met with one of my mommy friends at the mall, and we walked our kids around for an hour. I felt human again! I have to remind myself how much better I feel when I do that.

[akat]

One thing that always amazes me is how sometimes putting on some music will change my kid from fussy to happy.

Mine is 6 months old, but at 4 months when he wouldn't nap, I would put him in the Ergo, put on Pandora, and do my chores with a lot of extra bouncing up and down added in. Sometimes he still fussed a little, sometimes he turned happy, and often he fell asleep.

[triony]

Originally Posted by cristeen

I'd also double-check to see that whoever is watching him is not over-feeding him. A BF babe of that age should not be taking more than 2 oz at a feeding. I mean, if you're gone 6 hours, and he's used to eating every 2 hours, that's still going to be 6 oz, but if you're only gone an hour or 90 minutes (like for a little "me time"), 2 oz should be plenty if you feed right before you leave. I don't know that I'd hit up someone for donor milk though unless you were already good friends/family.

Hmm.. is that really true for all babies, though? My LO eats 3-5 oz when we give him a bottle of breastmilk. If we take it away before that he screams!

[SeattleRain]

So I was thinking about you trying to pump and feed at the same time and I remembered some advice someone gave me when I was pumping and feeding at the same time.

Take a bra like the Blue Canoe Jane nursing Bra and cut some holes around the nipples (maybe about an inch in diameter). Put nursing pads over the holes. When you want to try pumping and feeding, slip the pump flange through the hole so it's being held in place by the bra-hole. On the other side, move the bra aside and feed as usual. This should help you get a hands-fee (and possibly mess-free) pump w/baby. Good luck!

[1blueheron]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

This is mostly just venting/a rant/whatever you want to call it, but I have been having more bad days than good ones with DS. He's almost 4 mos, and whenever I think I have him figured out, he changes. Lately he's just been so fussy, which I used to be able to handle because he was sleeping pretty well at night. Now he's up every 2 hours AND fussy all day, which I just can't deal with.

Just a ray of hope for you - we went through a rough patch around 4 months, and i felt like such a loser mom. All better again by 5/5.5 months!! hang in there

[jennybear]

Four months is hard: lots of developmental stuff going on, sleep goes to crap, most are starting to teeth, etc.

I understand how you feel, mama. It will be okay.

[triana1326]

As a mom of a 8 week old, I can sympathize completely with how you're feeling. My DD is almost two and I was getting a nice taste of freedom, being able to leave for hours at a time and not worry too much about BFing her. Now I have an infant and am back to being shackled - best word I can come up with - to a screaming bundle that I can't leave for more than an hour at a time. I really miss my freedom and there's no reason to be ashamed of it. I also suffered from really bad PPD after DD was born which slowly resolved itself over the past year - so far, I haven't really had too many symptoms of PPD this time around. Nothing else to be ashamed of either - but worth getting checked out, even if it's just mild PPD.

Hugs to you mama. It's so hard to be a mama to a newborn. It's such a huge adjustment and I don't think that our society in general recognizes how difficult it can be. I'm not sure if you want to go down the donor milk route, but I can usually get 8 ounces from each boob after my DS is done nursing. I don't smoke, don't have coffee, no diseases, etc., and would be happy to donate some milk to a mama in need. If you pay for shipping, I'd be happy to help you stock up your freezer stash so you can get some extra time out with your DH...pm me if you're interested...

Again, hugs to you! You can do it! It's hard, and there are definitely doays that kick your butt, but you can do it. My mantra this time around is - I can do it, even if it's just a minute at a time...

[mrs.t]

Thank you so much for all the support. I am just trying to take it one minute at a time. Today was another extremely fussy day, but we got through it.

I'm thankful for all of the advice and suggestions. I will be attempting to pump while nursing this weekend, I'll post an update!

[Bebe's Mom]

I know exactly how you feel!! DD is almost 11 mos, and I have had exactly two dates with DH since she was born. I have never pumped, so I couldn't be away from her until she was 7 months and eating solids. I have a suggestion, have you tried hand expressing? This has worked really well for me...I can get a few ounces at a time from one breast, esp when DD was younger and nursing more. We all have our rough days, hang in there, it gets better.

[braidmama]

I understand, too! My son Max is 4 1/2 months old and is an extremely high needs baby. he's been very fussy since day 1. I cannot put him down for more than 5 seconds without seeing his bottom lip turn out and start to quiver, poor thing, It breaks my heart but at the same time I'm a wreck, myself! I feel like every other day I'm having an emotional breakdown. My husband has been great about it and very supportive but its still hard, of course. I go through stages of feeling like a bad mom/person/friend/wife because I cannot get everything done during my day! I am working part time as well...5 days a week but short shifts. I've had breastmilk supply issues and have tried everything that I could think of and thats been suggested to me to increase supply to no avail. It breaks my heart that i have to give him any kind of supplemental liquid. I keep reading all these new mom articles telling moms to pump between feedings tostore it. Extra miulk? I don not have that to spare for the freezer! Every drop needs to make it into my little one's belly as soon as its let down! I feel like I constantly see new mom's with their newborns and they look calm, collected, inshape, not stressed at all. I am porud of them in a way but at this same time get so down on myself for not being able to do that. Ahhhh.