Public school friends going by wayside

[Lisa1970]

I knew this would happen. I homeschooled my olders for several years but my youngers were in school the last year. They have friends, but really wanted to return to homeschooling. We saw enough at the public school to agree with it. I knew that even if we stuck it out the next couple years in elementary school, no way would we continue in to middle school or high school as we cannot stand the local middle or high schools.

SO, I knew from homeschooling my older children, that once we went to homeschooling, the public schoolers snubbed us. They really just had their own lives and were busy enough with their public school and tired enough from it that they actually do not have time for life with anyone else at the end of the day. They would be at school so long and then face after school sports and homework and so on, there just is not time for much else when in school.

I told all the parents that we are homeschooling this fall. We last saw anyone a couple weeks ago. A lot of the parents were talking about the upcoming school year and what teachers and so on. Many of us made plans for the upcoming week. Only, I never heard from anyone. I called a couple of the moms. One family actually is going out of town. But the other family just got back. Maybe it is just time constraints, but I know it is only going to get worse. My children really think they will stay friends with these children when homeschooling. I know they are headed to be hurt. Maybe they won't notice so much. They are starting to reconnect a bit with other homeschoolers. We know some their age, just not a lot.

Any suggestions for this transition? My 2 little boys (6 and 8) keep asking when certain friends are coming over and when they are doing specific things that were discussed, but those dates came and went without the moms calling me. (one had plans for Aug 2 and the other for last week) It is clear that the school year starting in two weeks has really set in.

Thanks!

[VisionaryMom]

We have not had this issue wrt to homeschooling, but we did have a family my son asked to see that we did not want to see (long story). He kept bringing up one of the kids from this family over and over (even though he didn't really enjoy the kid when they were together). We finally just sat him down and explained that hey, that kid is from a family that doesn't mesh well with ours, and while it's fine to play if we see them out, we're not going to be making plans to get together with them. He was upset for maybe 5 minutes. Seriously. He was fine. Maybe you just need to be upfront with your kids and really excited about making new friends.

[Lillian J]

My son had good friends all along who were in public or private schools. In fact, I remember one birthday in his early teens when one of the homeschool moms got it into her head that I must have been too busy to do a birthday party for him, so she did one for him as a surprise. He had actually had one, but it happened that the small group he wanted to invite were all friends who went to schools and one who homeschooled but wasn't part of the support group. He had homeschool friends he really liked, and has stayed close with them, but there was one group of old friends he always wanted for those little parties, even though the only time most of them saw one another was then.

The thing I'm always harping on is that it takes ongoing dedication to keep it happening, starting from the early ages when it's still okay for moms to be doing the calling and date planning. If you just keep making those calls, and just keep making arrangements, you can keep a thread alive that will expand during school holidays and summers. And the children themselves are always ready to play - it's just a matter of making suggestions for times the parents are comfortable with. If you provide a fun and inviting environment, persistence will pay off.

I think it will help to erase the idea from your mind that there's something especially different about your family because of homeschooling - that notion never came up in any of our relationships. His friends did think he was lucky that he didn't have to go to school, but nobody really cared. And two of the other school families even tried homeschooling because of us - one of them ended up being very happy with it. There are so many other things you can bring into conversations other than school matters, especially once the school season has settled down. And people are always ready to come to your house for a meal - inviting families over keeps those bonds going. If someone doesn't call you, just call them. I was always the one doing the calling, but that didn't mean the other parents weren't happy I did - people just get lazy. With persistence....determination...faith...some work...a positive frame of mind...and flexibility with it all, I think it can work. Lillian

[completebeginnings]

Sounds like an over emphasis on friends. We do things as a family with other families once or twice a month. Plus go to the park once a week. It is a rare occasion that anyone will have a play date alone. I have really emphasized the need of sibling being the most important friends. It has worked well. Friendships come and go that is natural as well. I also as the homeschooling friend set up almost all the stuff with schoolers because of all the reasons you mentioned. Just what I have to do.