4 year old wants to go to school

[mommysherry]

We don't have a need to send our daughter, nor a desire, but SHE does! She's four and really wants to give school a try, so we're doing it. We've been fortunate to find a publicly funded alternative school which focuses on child led learning, loose grade placement (all 'split' classes with 20 children and 2 teachers each), and a high focus on family involvement. It also has a Unitarian principal, which goes great with our spiritual and social beliefs. The downfall is that it's full day, every day!
For now, I can see school working. Though, I'm afraid of a slippery slope......like heading to the hospital for a birth need and ending up with the whole medical package. lol I want HER to lead her learning experience and be here to support her with whatever works. I know that socially, she's hearing a lot about starting school at her age. Also, we just moved accross the country and she's craving some consistent social contacts, though we do have some......but they're all in school.
The papers are all filled out and have been on our fridge for 2 months...... I just keep changing my mind on which school to go with and am wishing we'd moved at another time of year so September wouldn't be looming!

[SundayCrepes]

We all have to make the choices that feel right for our family. I'm surprised your daughter is starting kindergarten at 4. That seems awful young. For what it's worth, I would not allow a 4 year old (or a 5 year old) to make the choice about going to school or not. They are too young to know the full implications of that choice. Sure, take into account their desires, but weight that against the long term ramifications of the decision.

[Arduinna]

Considering the marketing of school products directly to kids plus the hype from society in general it's not surprising that a 4 year old would say they want to go to school. Just cause a 4 year old asks for something doesn't mean they have the maturity to understand all that goes with it.

[dakotablue]

Could you wait another year? or is the school 'full' otherwise? Are there 'classes' that she could take that are school rather than school?

It sounds like it could be a good fit for your family if you chose it, but I agree that she is awfully young and doesn't truely know what it all entails. I know when I was her age I desperately wanted a horse (we lived in the suburbs) I still want one some day, but by 8 I understood I don't want that responsibility.

(I know poor comparison, but it was the first I thought of)

Also, remember there is no permitted choice, if you decide this isn't right and pull her you can any day any time. I just know you are the mom.

[hapersmion]

My four year old is the same way! All his neighbor friends are older and he wants to go to school like them, plus we drive by the school playground every time we leave our neighborhood...

I've told him he can do "practice school" at home this year instead, since he isn't old enough for public school anyway, he doesn't make the cutoff. He seems pretty excited about it, and I'm starting to be, too! There's so much cool stuff to teach him!

[Piglet68]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Considering the marketing of school products directly to kids plus the hype from society in general it's not surprising that a 4 year old would say they want to go to school. Just cause a 4 year old asks for something doesn't mean they have the maturity to understand all that goes with it.

There's a lot of propaganda and marketing aimed at young kids to convince them that school is "fun".

IME, school IS fun for the first little while....by the time the kids begin to realize what it's really about they are stuck and can't "leave their friends": the idea of homeschooling feels like a social death sentence (peer orientation has set in, as Neufeld might say). Also, pulling out of schooling usually requires a period of deschooling that is loosely proportional to how long the kids have been in school. It most certainly IS a slippery slope and I wouldn't want to waste all that time having to deprogram my child to discover their natural learning ability when I could avoid having it stomped out of them in the first place.

For my family young children do not get to decide whether they go to school any more than they get to decide where we live, how we spend our money, or what we eat...if my kids were wanting to go to school I'd find out way (it's almost always a child with high social needs that are not being met) and find another way to get those needs met.

(Okay, this sounds a bit opinionated but I'm making dinner while writing this, lol. This is just how *I* feel about it and I totally respect that others may not and we all have to do what works for us. )

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

:

There's a lot of propaganda and marketing aimed at young kids to convince them that school is "fun".

us. )

Definitely that. Sort of like all the propoganda out about vaxes. A whole marketing schema designed to convince kids it really doesn't hurt much, they will get a lollipop when it's over, it will make them healthy, and besides, you HAVE to do it, it's so very, very important.

All the kids shows show them going off to school, how school is so much fun, al the riding of the big pretty buis, the playing with friends on the playground, the nice teachers who let them draw and color, eating in the fun lunchroom, etc etc.

FWIW, my dd wanted to go to school to at that age. She was sucked in by the marketing, and a "perfect" slot opened up for us at a new Montessori school, it seemed like the best possible "schooling" option if we were going to do school......she made it a couple months.
Then she realized she hated getting up early in the morning (8 am start time, across town! ) she really only liked the playing outside and the eating, she didn't have as many friends as she thought she would, and some kids were even *mean* to her, the work was "boring" and she missed her baby brother and me.
She's at home again.

Not that that will be what happens in your case, but it was our experience.

[Past_VNE]

For the longest time, my son wanted to go to daycare. LOL He would see playgrounds as we drove about and want to stop. I would explain that they were private and for daycare kids only. Then, I tried to explain what daycare was without too much of my personal opinion involved. A few times, he sighed and said, "I wish I went to daycare." Then, one day, he was listening to DH and I talk about my lack of ability to work (we're both pilots and the scheduling would NEVER work, even if I wanted it to) and DS pipes up, "You can have that baby, then I can take it daycare with me and you can go fly with Daddy." LMAO. Point is, it just sounded fun to him, despite all the downfalls that he couldn't begin to understand.

If YOU'RE comfortable sending her to what seems like a decent school, that's okay. But don't do it just because she thinks she wants it. And, there are lots of cool, alternative elementary options out there. But plan for what kind of things you have as options later, because once you hit middle school, and even worse, high school, options quickly become few and far between.

[Dreaming]

My 6 year old went from wanting to go to school to preferring unschooling (in her words, she said "I not want to do ANY school. No regular school, no homeschool".
Like the PP, I agree that there is a ton of propaganda out there and it's my job to make the big decisions when it's something my kids cannot grasp the full implications of.

[mommysherry]

Thanks everyone. My daughter does have high social needs and, as an individual, I think she'll be ok in school. I am definately here for her if/when, at any point, she's ready to give it up. If I' hadn't found this school, I don't think we'd be doing this. I wouldn't just send her to a school to send her to school. It has to fit. I can be in her school at least once a week with her (that's what they hope for, but don't expect that all parents can do it, I will!) and I spoke with the principal and she is encouraging parents and teachers to meet and come up with an alternative schedule for those of us who don't want our children there all day, every day, so that helps.
I really believe that I'm here to support my children in owning their own learning process, maybe I'm less of an unschooler and more into child led learning, each as an individual. I'm open to have all types of learning in our lives, so long as it's working, and if it's not, we do something else.
I do get the comments on her being only four. I've wrestled with that myself. But I've trusted her so far and think we should trust our kids more. I have a friend who won't take her child out of school because he's only five and 'doesn't get to make that call' and I feel so sad for him. I think it goes both ways, within reason.
I'm trying to stay positive, can you tell? It's so hard to make the perfect decision! You don't know until you know, I guess.
Thanks again for your wisdom. This is also my oldest child, so, I am certainly a newbie and am really wrestling with doing school at the very beginning of our family's learning journey.

[SundayCrepes]

Since you're wrestling with the decisions AND she's only 4, why not wait a year and see where you are then?

[rumi]

she is encouraging parents and teachers to meet and come up with an alternative schedule for those of us who don't want our children there all day, every day, so that helps

That is fantastic. I often think that if schools were more like the library, without grades or attendance, they could serve a useful purpose.

[mommysherry]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

Since you're wrestling with the decisions AND she's only 4, why not wait a year and see where you are then?

I'm thinking the same thing too. I'm so confused. Maybe that's because I'm trying to do something that I don't feel is completely right and I'm looking for a way to make it work. lol AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I know that we could do this and be ok. I also know that I feel guilty about it. Like I'm giving up before I really even begin. There is a reason that the registration forms for this lovely school have been filled out and on the fridge, going nowhere, for 2 months.
She's doing much better, socially, than she was 2 months ago, when we started getting serious about putting her in school. Then she wanted to go every day, now she doesn't. Maybe we need to get involved with the homeschooling community here and see what they are doing. I know that I feel like Sept is coming too fast for me, maybe I need to stop worrying about Sept? Not like she couldn't go later. It's just JK and she's not going to be behind from what I can see.
Does anyone have any good resources for deschooling ourselves? I know that's something I need. Might help clear my head.

[kathymuggle]

In many ways I think you should see what is out there homeschool wise before making any decisions. Homeschoolers are not overly active in summer with opportunities.

Ottawa is a fantastic place to homeschool. Are you a member of hbln? They a message board for Hsing opportunites in the national Capital Region. Here is the site:http://sites.google.com/site/ottawahbln/

Have you checked out OFTP?
http://www.ontariohomeschool.org/

Good luck in your decision. I know you did not ask for links, but I am an ambassador of sorts for local info and cannot help myself, lol

[SundayCrepes]

You might find these links thought provoking:

Article on why young kids’ brains aren’t ready for early reading/writing instruction:
http://www.lilipoh.com/articles/2007..._children.aspx

Here’s an article that discusses how children who start academics at later ages do better in the long run:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/2752895.stm

[zeldamomma]

My 4 y.o. wants an iphone and a rifle (for target shooting, not firing at live things). Sometimes you need to listen to why kids this age want the things they want, and attempt to fill their perceived need another way.

If sending her to school seems like the wrong decision to you now, don't do it. She can always go later, there's no rush.

[isabchi]

When DD was 3 in Pre-K three times a week in a new Waldorf School. She is extremely social animal. She loved the school and adored her teacher. After a year, plus the previous years when we went together to the parents /child groups, we got the conclusion that she would better at home to unschooling. We get involve with the homeschooling groups, plus other social activities in our normal life. Now, She is five. She still be very social and we planning to keep that intact. She learned so much in this last year. She socialized with all range of ages and persons. I can't see evolve the same way in an school environment. She wakes every morning asking for the schedule of the day because say that she needs to rush with her "homework" to be on-time LOL. She loves to learn about everything.

[phoebemommy]

My almost 4 yo ds is big on the idea of school, too. His older friends go and tell him it's great, so he thinks it sounds good. What I've done is told him different people go to different kinds of school -- some of our friends go to public school, some go to private school, some go to home school. He goes to "Dharma School" (it's kind of a Buddhist Sunday school once a month) and he's very proud to tell people that when they ask him if he's in school yet. They have no idea what he's talking about, it's kind of funny. As we've talked more about it, he likes the idea of all different kinds of schools -- business school, graduate school, art school, etc. It might be a little disingenuine of me, but I've made "school" this much broader concept that he can certainly be involved with if and when it becomes the right thing for him.

Also, when he mentions he wants to play sports at school, I tell him he can play sports at school without having to actually go to school. And that he can play a lot of sports outside of school just as well. He's intensely athletic, obsessed with any and all sports, and he's already figured out that there's a school-sports connection, so it's important to him to know he can have access to school sports if need be.

[triscuitsmom]

Another Ontarian here with a JK eligible 4 year old this September who desperately wants to go to "outside school" as opposed to being home schooled.

For him it's that his friends that he plays with all leave in the morning and aren't back until late afternoon from September-June. He doesn't understand that he wouldn't be able to play with them much if he went to school anyway.

We've decided that at four it isn't a choice we are comfortable letting him make and so he's going to be at home with us. I feel that the underlying issues that could be laid down from even a year of schooling is not a risk I'm willing to take with a child who can't possibly understand what the consequences could be.

[rumi]

Does anyone have any good resources for deschooling ourselves? I know that's something I need. Might help clear my head.

One John Holt book was all I needed to get started - Instead of Education or How Children learn are both quite stimulating.

Do you keep a journal ... I think that one thing that persuaded me that my daughter would be ill-served by being in a classroom on a regular basis was simply my own observation of her engagement with the world and ideas ... she would stay with a problem for months and years, and share with me when she had figures out something more about it. These discoveries and revelations happened at most unexpected hours and I am so glad she had the time and space to follow her course of thought and also share with us. These could range from the origin of language, when the earth started turning, why subtraction works the way it does to why my mom swims differently or why I don't always understand what she is talking about. (!)

She doesn't even think it odd to blurt out her discoveries at any old time, she takes it for granted that we are there to listen and engage in conversations about anything whether we have just gotten up, are on the way to the dentist, or cleaning the kitchen floor.

But I digress.