4 year old wants to go to school - Page 2

[Lillian J]

I have vivid memories of when I was 4 and wanting to go to kindergarten. Absolutely no one was touting it in any way or even talking about it in passing, but I was aware that other children in the daycare I was in went off to kindergarten each day, and I had the image of them having a juicy day of learning and games. I complained to my parents about not getting to go with them, and they explained to me that I wasn't old enough yet. When the time came that I was about to start kindergarten, I used to march around with my new lunchbox and anticipate what it was going to be like to be where so much was going to be going on that was especially for children. In those days, kindergarten was dramatically different - not one letter or number or workpage, but lots of free play with imaginative materials, blocks, a huge playhouse with all the trimmings, swings, stories read to us, little circle times with simple activities, painting, and music. And it was only half a day. But the point is just that I know that longing some young children have to go to something sort of structured with games and activities just for them. My child did go to kindergarten in a Waldorf school, which was a mixed bag, and then 1st grade somewhere else, but he was VERY ready to homeschool when I told him during that 1st grade year that I was looking into it. I don't know what to advise, since every situation is different, but I'd make sure there are lots of juicy things going on at home and lots of opportunities to go to support group activities. Best of luck - Lillian

[Serendipity]

I was fine with my son choosing school in the younger grades. He tried the first couple months of pre-k, homeschooled the rest, tried the first couple months of k, homeschooled the rest, and tried the first couple months of 1st grade and has homeschooled since (almost 3 years). He has absolutely no desire to go to school again. Obviously, I believe my children should 'own' their education.

I'm really glad we gave him that freedom and our support in those choices. I felt that the stakes were much lower in the younger grades. He wanted to play with friends and learned for himself that school does NOT equal playing with friends. He also learned that he wants no part of coerced education. Sure, it was hard to leave his friends but since he was given the freedom to trust himself, he was able to see that the school wasn't right for him despite that. I also think that at younger ages the friendships aren't quite so heavy and it makes that choice easier, rather than say, at the jr. high level. I'm so glad that he learned that when he did.

We moved across town so we could participate in the homeschool groups easier and do classes etc. to meet his social needs. He's really happy now and so glad that as he gets older he doesn't have to wonder what school would be like and if he'd be happy there.

Can you figure out where the guilt is coming from? Do you feel guilty because you haven't gotten as involved as you could and think she might not want school if you had? If she's less interested now, perhaps she would be easily swayed if she felt like she was getting more.

When my daughter expressed interest in school, I asked what was at the heart of it. She's introverted so it wasn't social, she wanted a calendar like she saw on Caillou! She also wanted some school projects and crafts like they show kids doing on other shows. We got a calendar, and also a box in the hallway where I put little activities for her to do. I also told her that kids go to Kindergarten to learn numbers and letters and she's already learning that at home just doing fun things, rather than having to work on it.

These things have totally satisfied that need and she doesn't talk about it at all anymore. If she does again, and we can't find something to meet that need, we will totally support her decision to go to school.

Both my kids are curious about school buses though so I promised in the fall when it's not so hot, we'll start taking the city bus for some of our errands.

Anyway, good luck to you both!

[mommysherry]

Thanks all so much. I am so glad I came on here. I was so trying to be positive about her going to school. Two months ago, it seemed like it might be what we needed. We had just moved accross the country (moved several times over a period of 8 months) and had a baby just before moving. I was overwhelmed and knew she wasn't getting what she needed from me. I've been doing a complete overhaul of my ideas on parenting, food and education and have waivering confidence. I also have really only spoken with schooling families about this and have never posted here (I'm a lurker, looking for info, but not taking the time to connect over internet). I also really want to support my children in owning their own education. All that said, I couldn't shake that maybe this wasn't right.
Things have settled a lot for us. I'm feeling better, more centered and confident. DD is much happier, has more of my energy and attention and is making friends. Guess what? We revisited the topic this week with her and she does not want to go to school! Not 'every day when daddy is working'. She wants to be home....and do school....in the form of some drop in classes at the community centre where we do swimming, pottery, cooking, etc. They're not so much classes as facilitated activities.
Thanks for the resource ideas. I did join some groups for homeschoolers in the city and am looking forward to what that brings.

[mommysherry]

Originally Posted by Serendipity

Can you figure out where the guilt is coming from? Do you feel guilty because you haven't gotten as involved as you could and think she might not want school if you had?

[Serendipity]

that's wonderful, so glad to hear it!

[lurve]

I do think it is the age and the marketing. my 3.5 year old talks non-stop about going to school and she plays school (though she has never gone...). I think it is because her niece is going and this is the first year my DD is cognizant of her other friends not being there during daytime hours. plus all the marketing and everyone asking where she goes to school...maybe i will make up a name for our life/school!