Telling 5yo "Where do babies come from." - Page 2

[odenata]

When DD was 3 and I was pregnant, we watched animal births on you tube (maybe a human birth? I remember having a hard time finding one that I liked). We talked about birth and went to a sibling class here where they did a slide show of a birth and talked about pushing, the placenta, the umbilical cord, and "food blood" that helps the baby and doesn't mean the mommy is hurt. The instructor (Penny Simkin), also had a mommy and baby doll and kind of acted out a birth while talking about it. My dd loved it. She loved to talk about it and none of it bothered her.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by klt

My instincts tell me that I don't want to go into the vagina and blood and pushing etc at 5.

So what do you tell your 5 year old?

At 6, my daughter watched her sister be born, blood, vagina and all.
She wanted to be there, and I'm so so glad that she's had the unique opportunity of witnessing normal birth, of her own sibling, no less.

I agree with others that answering as questions arise is the wisest answer.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

At 6, my daughter watched her sister be born, blood, vagina and all.
She wanted to be there, and I'm so so glad that she's had the unique opportunity of witnessing normal birth, of her own sibling, no less.

I agree with others that answering as questions arise is the wisest answer.

That's something that's really unique to each child so, while your 6 year old did fine, others wouldn't. My ds is 6, almost 7. If he were to see me give birth he would FLIP OUT. He would probably end up in a full-out regression, sitting in the corner rocking and crying. He hates the sight of blood and he's very protective of his mama. The sight of his mama bleeding would send him over the edge. He flips out of I get a paper cut If/when I have another baby ds will definitely not be anywhere around, for his own good!

[klt]

tatermom-I think I will read this book to my son too. I like your presentation of how to read the book and include the topic in normal life.

Re: being worried about what your child brings to school, my son uses the word "penis" and he was actually corrected by his preK teacher to say "wee wee" because other parents (yes, parents) do not like their kids to use that word. Actually, that incident made me bring my question to mothering.com to find out what "other" 5 year olds are comfortable with knowing. I mean, if some kids aren't allowed to handle the word penis, then I started to think...hm, really? Should we not talk about vaginas and the birthing process at 5 then? Anyway, glad to hear everyone's voice, I am encouraged!

[odenata]

Originally Posted by klt

Re: being worried about what your child brings to school, my son uses the word "penis" and he was actually corrected by his preK teacher to say "wee wee" because other parents (yes, parents) do not like their kids to use that word.

Um yeah. I have to say, I'd be having talk with that teacher and giving her a copy of Protecting the Gift.As for the other parents, that's their issue, not my kid's issue. If it was a curse word, okay, but I absolutely would not be alright with my child being corrected for using the correct term for his body parts.

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by odenata

Um yeah. I have to say, I'd be having talk with that teacher and giving her a copy of Protecting the Gift.As for the other parents, that's their issue, not my kid's issue. If it was a curse word, okay, but I absolutely would not be alright with my child being corrected for using the correct term for his body parts.

Yeah, I hope you had a long, long talk with the teacher about how inappropriate that was of her/him.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by klt

Actually, that incident made me bring my question to mothering.com to find out what "other" 5 year olds are comfortable with knowing. I mean, if some kids aren't allowed to handle the word penis, then I started to think...hm, really? Should we not talk about vaginas and the birthing process at 5 then?

I know, it's shocking to hear others' views on this subject sometimes. I was at a birthday party and overheard another mother talking about how a young girl in her neighborhood "knew everything about where babies come from -- I mean everything, like the ____ goes in the ____ and everything!!" And the 3 mothers she was talking to all tsk-tsked, like what horrible parents she must have to be telling her such awful things. I was standing nearby just baffled/dismayed at what I was hearing.

Anyway, to answer the OP, I've answered DS's questions as he's asked them, and just last week he got very specific and badgered me to tell him exactly how the sperm gets to the egg, so I told him. I was just very matter-of-fact, and he asked a couple of questions about it, but he seemed satisfied with the answer and hasn't brought it up since.

I did tell him that different parents choose to share this information with their kids at different times, and that he can always always ask me questions but to please let his friends' parents be the ones to discuss it with them. If he slips up and mentions it in front of a friend I guess I'll be the talk of the next birthday party.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

That's something that's really unique to each child so, while your 6 year old did fine, others wouldn't. My ds is 6, almost 7. If he were to see me give birth he would FLIP OUT. He would probably end up in a full-out regression, sitting in the corner rocking and crying. He hates the sight of blood and he's very protective of his mama. The sight of his mama bleeding would send him over the edge. He flips out of I get a paper cut If/when I have another baby ds will definitely not be anywhere around, for his own good!

That was what I meant. I meant that it's not outside of the realm of possibility to tell a 5-year-old about birth if a 6-year-old can watch it. Not all 5-year-olds or 6-year-olds are the same, but it's within "normal".

[Thalia the Muse]

I guess I don't see advantage or value in a child NOT knowing -- there's nothing horrible about reproduction, and I feel safer with her knowing about her body. I didn't want her to hear weird garbled versions from other kids, or draw her conclusions from pop culture.

[ErinYay]

Everyone has given such good advice. I'm just chiming in to add that you do NOT want overly-cartoony books on this topic.

I was reading at 4, and somehow brought home a book on where babies came from. It was an older book, with lots of goofy cartoons*. My mom went through it with me, and thought I'd figured everything out and was good. Fast-forward to that Christmas. My former-Navy grandfather had just gotten a lovely silk robe with a paisley pattern. Imagine everyone's delight when I exclaimed, "Grampa! you've got sperm all over your robe!"

*in the book, sperm looked almost exactly like paisley. So, you see, beware of cartoon sperm lest your whole family think your preschooler is a total weirdo.

[Hoopin' Mama]

With God and sex, I'm finding my child seems satisfied with very simple but truthful answers. I will admit when he asks me about God, I'm tempted to ask him if he'd prefer to discuss sex The facts of life are a bit more cut and dry.

He has also been at two wakes, including my Mother's. It has not damaged him and we've had short discussions about it. I realize, though, that some kids are more sensitive to this topic. We also have an old dog and I've tried to prepare him a bit for the inevitable.

I do not think there is one set age to decide how much info a child deserves.

[AllisonR]

Both DS and DD (5 and 3) have asked somewhat specific questions about what a baby does inside the belly (what does it eat? How can it see? where does it poop?...) but nothing about how the baby gets in there. But they have also seen me with my period, and they both know there is no baby because my egg is coming out. I also showed them this video, which I love. It is really funny if you know Danish, but you can obviously still get it without the words:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILeU-jc2F6s