When parenting leaves you OVERSTIMULATED?

[Funny Face]

I feel like my body is vibrating I'm so overdone.

Dd is 4.5, ds is 19 months and I'm 20 weeks pregnant.

They are both active, hugely affectionate, talkative, exploring children. All things that I love and appreciate about them.

But I solo parent and rarely EVER get a break away from them. We cosleep and homeschool and I am with them 24/7.

I get to the point where my brain is SCREAMING. I can't focus or process and I'm stressed to the max from the constant touch, the CONSTANT questions, the music they listen to, the constant stream of consciousness that flows from dd's mouth.

I have no space to myself, either personal or just a place in the house that isn't partially torn down or looted by their ever curious hands.

By the end of the day I am literally recoiling from their touch, trying to hide in the bathroom while ds yells at me through the door.

In the summer they are inside all the time because it's 105 degrees here and being outside is down right dangerous.

I wake up all night with Veggie Tales songs reverberating through my head.

I want them to have access to me (ds is very attached and still nursing so he NEEDS it and dd is in a very affectionate stage also so I don't want to stifle that).

I just don't know what to do or how to bring some peace into my head. I can't focus or concentrate. I forget everything and most of the time I'm at near breakdown level from trying to process all the stimuli. I'm an introvert, I like quiet, I don't know how to deal with all of this.

[lisalu100]

You need to make time to rest! Can you afford a babysitter or mothers helper once a week for a couple of hours? Then you could go for a walk alone, or run errands - I had a wonderful time running errands last week with no kids - it as so relaxing lol!

Can you listen to a meditation cd before bed? Or have an ipod in while you wait for the children to go to sleep at night, or while they are playing, so you can't hear then, but you are still accessible to then. How about YMCA membership? You can work out or read while they are in the daycare...

[RiverSky]

Oh, you definitely need some time by yourself. Do you have family, friends or a babysitter you can hire once or twice a week to watch the children for a few hours while you veg?

[pianojazzgirl]

Oh yes mama. Time to yourself if you can find a way to swing it. Don't be shy to call on friends and families for support. See if you can add a regular babysitter to the budget (even if this means cutting corners with "non essentials"). I am a fellow introvert and without adequate time to myself I go serious batty, so I understand just how important it is.

Also, do you have any indoor play areas where you could bring the kids? I find if mine are bouncing off the walls (or I've just had enough of being stuck in the house with them) my first strategy is to go to the park (they run around, I sit on a bench and chill out a bit). Since it's so hot where you live maybe an indoor play area would be a good alternative.

Another thought... set up indoor activities that will keep them occupied. Sometimes it's worth letting them make a mess. Set them up on a towel/sheet on the kitchen floor with a tub of water/beans/sand/whatever and some cups or toys and let them have at it. Or put out the finger paints or playdough. Or even let them go crazy with a glue stick and paper. Meanwhile you can sit back with your ipod and try and remove yourself a bit from the hubbub.

ETA my dc are about a year+ older than yours (they are almost 6 and almost 3) and it does get easier the older they get. Mine will sometimes disappear upstairs and play NICELY (!) together for substantial periods of time. And while I write this they are both sitting side by side at the kitchen table quietly drawing (!).

ETA again... I am also not opposed to putting on the occasional movie for mental health reasons. When I am at the end of my rope, dh is not around (he is a musician and regularly tours outside of the country) and I'm trying to cook dinner while the kids are going wild you bet I'll put on a DVD for half an hour or an hour if I feel like otherwise my head will explode, yk. I know lots of mamas are no tv (I bow down to you mamas!) so feel free to ignore my suggestion if it's not for you.

[erratum]

also, have you considered an underlying medical element to this. getting some blood tests done, especially thyroid, might be a good idea.

[journeymom]

No one can sustain the level of intense interaction that you describe. It's not possible! Even the most extroverted mama could not be 'on' and available like that without a break.

You must schedule a little daily down time, preferably twice a day, and at least once a week for several hours, preferably twice a week.

I like the idea of hiring a babysitter to come twice a week. The sitter can play games with them, read to them, give them snacks and watch videos with them. Maybe work on a craft project with the 4 y.o. You don't even have to leave the house. You can hide out in your room and read. Take a bath. Stare into space. Hang at MDC. Or leave and visit a friend or the library or the mall.

If you can afford it, you might find a fun class for your dd. I know you're homeschooling, but you're not going to teach her everything, right? Dance, karate, jr soccer, little kids' art or whatnot. The dance class and the sport classes probably require you to be there, but at least she's not focused on you for 30 or 40 minutes.

For several months now I've been having a harder and harder time getting to sleep at night. My brain doesn't shut down, anxiety builds, I worry more and more. Reading till I fall asleep used to help, but for whatever reason that stopped working. So about a month ago I downloaded an audio book and every night I plug in the ear buds and listen till I go to sleep. Works like a charm!

Best of luck to you.

[Learning_Mum]

You need to have time to yourself. Your kids needs are important but your needs are important too. Esp. being a solo parent. If you break down, who is there to take over?

One thing that I have recently implemented is that the bedroom is for sleeping only. The boys are not allowed in there unless they are going to bed. That is MY space where I can lie down, read for a little bit or just close my eyes and rest for a while. It means that it's usually tidy and has my things in it rather than toys etc. I really like having my own space where I can be me.

[momtoS]

I have a similiar situation. I am with my kids 24/7 and no days or time off ever.

I would love to hire a mother's helper or babysitter. BUT....unless you offer to pay them for full time no one is interested.

[love4bob]

I am right there too! DH is deployed, and my girls are 3.5, 22 months, and 6 months. I feel like my head is going to explode on a daily basis! They do play on their own, but they are ALWAYS fighting, I mean always. There is a rare moment that they can play in the same room and not fight. Nap time for dd2 and dd3 is the best because dd1 will watch a movie or play quietly. It gives me some peace! I also have a YMCA membership, and go to gym classes and swim. It's nice to be able to swim by myself without having to always watch/hold the babies.