My 19 mo is hitting!! I just don't know what to do...

[icy02]

Advice Needed!!! My 19 mo DS has been having a hard time adjusting to the big brother role so I have really let this one slide and made a lot of excuses for his behavior (shame on me..) For the last 2 months DS1 will sometimes purposely slap away or push away his baby brother. I notice he gets more rough when he is tired. Most of the time he is really sweet and wants to hug and kiss his baby, but his behavior upsets me because he has scratched and left marks on DS2 before. Occasionally, he will come up to DH and I and hit us on the face or pull glasses off for no apparent reason. We try to correct his behavior by explaining that it is not nice to hit people and it hurt mommy/daddy. Then we try to give him more attention assuming that is what he wants...

Today I had a friends son at my house. He just turned 2. Not a great age for sharing... My DS1 went to time-out at least 5 times for hitting, pushing, or scratching my friends son. Sometimes the other little boy had taken his toy, but most of the time he acted out for no reason! I think DS1 understands time-out but it really isn't effective. My DH and I tend to redirect for most other things, but I feel that if DS1 hurts someone he needs to be disciplined.
I am seriously at a loss for how to handle this behavior.. I can't believe my sweet little boy is acting this way :*(

[CherryBombMama]

i dont have much advice, as im going through the exact same thing (ds is 16 months) but what i do is quickly go over to my ds, say "Ouch! you hurt so and so!" or something along those lines and give a brief "im sorry, G has been really interested in hitting lately. i'll keep a closer eye on it today." to the parent just to let the parent know that im not dismissing the fact that my ds hit their child.

so far, it hasnt made much of a difference in my sons hitting, but he clearly understands when i say "ouch!" so im hoping one day he will put two and two together

[sparkysgirl]

some things thay have helped here...1. look for skills that need to be taught. teaching gentle touches by physically showing the child, then when hitting or other rough play happends he knows what you mean when you say "gentle touches" also, with mine, she didn't know how to deal with the baby when she came over and knocked over her blocks, so i taught her to tell me to come remove baby instead of hitting. these things should be taught during a separate time, not during hitting incedents. 2. ignore attention getting behavoir, but give more attention at positive times. 3. tell them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. I think that my 3 1/2 year old is just now getting the concept of "don't", so what your child hears instead of "don't hit", is "blah blah HIT". instead say, "use gentle touches". Actually, removing the word "don't" from our vocabulary has made my life so much easier the past two years! 4. look for the cause behind the behavior, such as lack of words/social skills (or even attention) this will help you correct the problem. so watch carefully in the next few weeks and figure out why this is happening, it may be a number of causes. 5. honor the impulse, give the child something appropriate to hit when they are angry, or better yet, show them appropriate ways to express anger.
Know that these methods are not quick fixes, but also know that these methods are so much more permanent than punishment, because it teaches them to behave appropriatly even when you are not looking...this teaches independence, and that's what you want. simply giving a time out won't have the same effect.