Not proceeding with OB

[homemademom]

Hey ladies. I met with an OB because I couldn't find a mw in town that I liked. He didn't do anything but talk to us. I just filled out all the paperwork and probably got my file started, but no blood work or anything. So, I've found a midwife and now I need to let the OB down. He's SO nice and I'd really like to keep a good relationship so I can use him as a gynecologist later on.

What would you do? I need to (1) call and cancel my next appt (which, I think is in a week?), I need to (2) let them know I'm terminating care, and I need to (3) send the OB a thank you note and let him know basically why we're leaving ("it's us, not you" ). So, in what order would you do all that stuff to preserve the relationship?

[EllisH]

Keep it simple and brief. The longer and more elaborate an apology, the harsher it will actually come across ('it's us, not you' also makes it seem as if it is him, after all). Make sure to cancel the apt in time, so as to cause him a minimum of inconvenience.

[homemademom]

Well, he knows that we've had our other babies at home, so I will let him know that we're choosing that. I guess I'm just wondering about logistics. Should I send the thank you note first? I don't want him to hear about canceling from his office staff without knowing fairly quickly that we appreciate him. I guess that answers my question, though, I'll send the note a day or so before I call so he receives it around the same time.

[MacKinnon]

I was in the same situation and I just called and cancelled. I explained to the office staff that we were transferring care to a midwifery practice and could they please thank Dr. for his time. I'm sure the doc wasn't surprised, as I had talked at length about how my previous births were with midwives. He was good, and I really liked and respected him. I wish I could have spoken more directly with him, but I wasn't sure how to go about that, so I just left a a message with his staff.

[laerhk]

Originally Posted by homemademom

(1) call and cancel my next appt (which, I think is in a week?), I need to (2) let them know I'm terminating care, and I need to (3) send the OB a thank you note and let him know basically why we're leaving ("it's us, not you" ). So, in what order would you do all that stuff to preserve the relationship?

I'd do them in the order listed...unless he's THAT close with you, it's a small town, his office (and patient list) is tiny, or he's his own receptionist, it won't matter all that much what order you do things.

In the thank-you, I'd say just what you told us; you found someone else (mention type of practictioner if it's not another OB, so it will explain some of your reasoning for you) that you want to work with for the birth, but he seemed so awesome/you were so comfortable with him that you plan to continue your care with him after the birth for your well-woman visits.

If you're super worried, send the thank-you a few days before you do the other two items.

BTW, the thank-you note is a great idea! I love them as a middle-school teacher, so I can imagine how rare yet just as nice it is to get one as a doc!