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My Friend Died and I am Mad at HER!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
My dear friend passed away last week and I found out today (mad about that too but that is another thread). She has four young children including a 5 month old baby who had to be instantly weaned. She had severe asthma and would not take her medications. Her husband pleaded with her, I pleaded with her. She would not. She had two big attacks recently that should have been warnings to her. I am crying for her babies, I am screaming for her unwillingness to do what she could to stay alive. It is just so wrong and awful. The only thing I am comforted by is that she lost a baby in childbirth two years ago and now she is holding her baby angel in heaven.
post #2 of 16

I am sorry about her death.
post #3 of 16
I'm so sorry for your loss. Those poor children x
post #4 of 16
I'm so sorry for the loss you and your friends' family are feeling right now. That sounds really awful. I agree that your friend must be with her angel baby now. Lots of love and peace to all of you.
post #5 of 16
I'm sorry.
post #6 of 16
What a horrible, tragic situation on so many levels. I am so sorry.

And I just want to say that I think being angry at your friend is a pretty normal reaction.
post #7 of 16
anger is totally one of the steps of greiving, feel it and move through.
post #8 of 16
sorry for your loss
post #9 of 16
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my best friend to his drunk driving and there are days, almost 6 years later where i get mad mad mad at him.

Losing a good friend is so very hard, im so so sorry.
post #10 of 16
It's hard not to be mad when someone had a hand in their own death. I have no advice really, but just wanted to say it's ok to be mad.
post #11 of 16
I understand how you feel and why. If you ask me, I'd say you have every right to feel that way. She made a bad bad call and all her family is paying for that now and will continue for years to come.

We just lost a close friend to a rock climbing accident over a month ago. He was 38, he was the father of three. A very soothing thought to all his friends and family that he left behind is that he really was doing everything he could to climb safely. He loved climbing like nothing else, so he could not live without it. BUT he did it safely! Every single climber who climbed with him said that he was the safest climber they would ever climb with. He would turn around and go down just few feet away from the top, just because the weather would start not being perfect. it was very soothing to his family (especially his parents) to know that he did EVERYTHING HE COULD to be safe. He didn't put himself out there, he did not risk his life needlessly...ACCIDENTS JUST HAPPEN SOMETIMES NO MATTER WHAT. What happened to him was almost unheard of (two super rare things happened one after the other, leading to a fall and instant death). Plus he knew that climbing was dangerous, so he had a good life insurance, so his widow and kids are set for life.

With your friend it is different. Personally I'd feel angry too...

post #12 of 16
How terrible, how sad, how understandable your reaction... I'd be pissed too, as her death seems to have been so preventable... it's how we can never see inside people's heads, can only hope they'd make the choices we consider the best or even the only ones... I think you are super sweet for still wishing for her to be with the child in heaven rather than the ones that need her every day...

Wishing you love and strength, and I'm sure you realize it's okay to be angry at her... How's her husband and children coping?
post #13 of 16
OP, I totally understand where you're coming from. Hugs for you and your friend's DH and children.

I lost a friend 17 years ago, also asthma-related. My friend was taking more of a certain med than she was supposed to. It increased her heartbeat. Doc told her to take X dose and no more. But she took more, much more. She died of a heart attack. And she and her long time boyfriend had just gotten engaged and were looking at rings earlier that day. Her BF and I knew of her taking the additional doses of the med and begged her not to, but she did it anyway.

Someone else I highly respected in my community, but wasn't close to, died of walking pnuemonia because he absolutely refused to go to the doctor - he told plenty of people this repeatedly over the course of a week. He was out of town and driving home, when he was found on the ground collapsed next to his car, right before Christmas last year.
post #14 of 16
My heart breaks for the little baby too who had to be instantly weaned! And the other 3 little children too of course! Is there a reason she didn't want to take her medication? I feel there has to be more to the story and am full of questions. Did she just decide suddenly to stop cold turkey and if so for what reason? I'm not familiar with these medicines so forgive my ignorance. I do know what asthma is (I have a few nephews with it) but I would say theirs are mild cases (I recall the inhaler but don't know anything about other medicines) - So sorry for the loss of your friend, that poor family.
post #15 of 16
How sad for all involved. It is normal to be mad at something someone did that could be prevented. It is normal to be mad at the person gone in general as part of the grieving process.

I just can't imagine that she thought her life would end and she would have to leave her babies. I just can't help but think if she saw it, she would have done things differently.

I am so sorry for all of you. Peace and healing vibes headed your way.
post #16 of 16
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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