Why CAn't He Just Play By Himself!!

[mamafever]

ok I am seriously getting annoyed with my 22 month son wanting my constant attention. I dont want to be selfish and not play if he asks me to...and I know that he is a toddler. But is it normal that he constantly wants me to play with him? I feel like he used to love to explore things on his own, and now I am dreading pushing the cars down the ramps and building houses with blocks. I never show him my frusteration, but if I don't play with him right away he gets REALLY persistent. Is it ok for me to tell him no so I can get some housework done, or just sit a read for a while? Am I supposed to teach him how to play by himself? Or do I just need to endure through this stage...I hope its a stage.

[Thing1Thing2]

My DS (26 months) is going through the same thing right now. He is getting his 2 year molars in and I think that is what is making him so clingy.

And for me, its hard to leave the dishes and the laundry and play with him. But I keep reminding myself that it is a phase and he probably needs me more than usual right now.

He goes through these phases frequently and I notice that they preceed growth or language spurts.

But I still wish there was a way to get the housework done and pay attention to my lo. Hope you get some good ideas!

[pbjmama]

I have two kids and my extrovert is on my heels constantly. Mama, mama, mama. Read a book, play candy land, etc. No matter what. Sorry honey you can't do this cooking makes things to hot - oh, can I watch? My introvert can entertain himself for hours in his room - wouldn't even really know if I left the house! Sometimes my kids do play together but the extrovert gets on the introverts nerves! Mom, she won't leave me alone! Yeah, tell me about it! So for us it is all about personality.

[jumpmama]

Both of my kids go through clingy stages. hang in there! itll pass!

[EzzysMom]

For the housework that has to get done, I'd definitely try to engage him in it with you as best you can. Give him a dustrag or his own 'mop' too. Otherwise there are definite phases as everyone has said, I definitely can't sit and read a book to myself unless she's in the tub and she's 2.25. Some other kids have less social needs, mine does not.

[lolar2]

You could try setting a timer for 5 minutes where he has to play alone while you do something. I don't know if DS could have done that at 22 months (he certainly can at 3 1/2 yo), but it's worth a try.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by EzzysMom

For the housework that has to get done, I'd definitely try to engage him in it with you as best you can. Give him a dustrag or his own 'mop' too.

Also, for us keeping a good routine to the day helps. During the morning (he is up around 6 usually) I do some chores and then we go outside/run errands/get OUT of the house, then lunch and nap, then the afternoon I will do more playing with him. He seems to need more interaction from me in the afternoon/evening and he does better all day if we can get out in the morning. And if he is having a clingy day, I just try to engage him as much as possible in the chores. A lot of time I can sit down with him and play for a few minutes and then say "ok, Mommy needs to do the dishes, be back in a few minutes" and he is usually ok with that.

[Thing1Thing2]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

Also, for us keeping a good routine to the day helps. During the morning (he is up around 6 usually) I do some chores and then we go outside/run errands/get OUT of the house, then lunch and nap, then the afternoon I will do more playing with him. He seems to need more interaction from me in the afternoon/evening and he does better all day if we can get out in the morning. And if he is having a clingy day, I just try to engage him as much as possible in the chores. A lot of time I can sit down with him and play for a few minutes and then say "ok, Mommy needs to do the dishes, be back in a few minutes" and he is usually ok with that.

Hey Lady Catherine.. don't mean to take over the thread, but I'm following this thread and I noticed you said you get your LO out of the house in the morning. I would love to be able to do that, but I always find it's so difficult to get my DS out of the house. First off, we don't have an extra car - so if we were to go anywhere, we would have to walk. Second, we are living in an apartment complex right now, and seriously - there's no where to go here but the parking lot. But another major problem is that it's so hard to get this little guy dressed and teeth brushed without a major meltdown! He's 26 months. Any advice?

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Hey Lady Catherine.. don't mean to take over the thread, but I'm following this thread and I noticed you said you get your LO out of the house in the morning. I would love to be able to do that, but I always find it's so difficult to get my DS out of the house. First off, we don't have an extra car - so if we were to go anywhere, we would have to walk. Second, we are living in an apartment complex right now, and seriously - there's no where to go here but the parking lot. But another major problem is that it's so hard to get this little guy dressed and teeth brushed without a major meltdown! He's 26 months. Any advice?

Wow, that makes it very difficult! We have a yard, a car, and lots of parks nearby.. Perhaps you could go outside in the evenings when your DP gets home? Are there any parks nearby you could drive to? Maybe you could just set different times of the day for different parts of the house? I know if my DS starts getting really bored, if we just go to a different room sometimes (he typically stays in whatever room I am in) that helps. Maybe you could bring some "outside" play inside? Like fill up a bowl of water in the kitchen and play in it? A "jungle gym" of some sort? Do you have a stroller? Sometimes just a walk and getting some fresh air/change of scenery really helps my DS. Oh, and perfect for parking lots-- sidewalk chalk!

As for the getting dressed/teethbrushing meltdowns-- maybe put off brushing teeth until later (we usually brush at night really good, and then I let DS brush his own teeth in the morning) and try to get him dressed quickly or make it fun somehow? If I tell my DS "let's go get dressed, we're going outside!" he is quick to let me dress him because he LOVES to be outside. I also try to make it fun by letting him pick out what shirt he wants to wear.. and letting him "pick a toy" to take with him if we are going to the store.

Hope some of this was helpful!

[Latte Mama]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Hey Lady Catherine.. don't mean to take over the thread, but I'm following this thread and I noticed you said you get your LO out of the house in the morning. I would love to be able to do that, but I always find it's so difficult to get my DS out of the house. First off, we don't have an extra car - so if we were to go anywhere, we would have to walk. Second, we are living in an apartment complex right now, and seriously - there's no where to go here but the parking lot. But another major problem is that it's so hard to get this little guy dressed and teeth brushed without a major meltdown! He's 26 months. Any advice?

Walks are great! I also live in an apt. with no parks that are close enough to walk to. I do have a car but there are times that I just don't want to drive. So we go on a walk around the neighborhood. There is a big church with a huge lawn, they never seem to mind if we play there for a bit. Then my DS loves to check out all the front yards of the houses around here. There is a bakery about a 1/4 mile away and they sneak him fresh cookies . Oh we've made all kinds of neighborhood "friends" since starting our walks.

Now people even ask about DS if they see me without him .
Maybe it will make getting him ready easier if he knows it means getting outside?

[rightkindofme]

I have a pretty extroverted child. She would strongly prefer interaction 100% of the time she is awake. I simply will not do it. There are a couple of factors playing into my approach. We plan to homeschool, so I don't have the light at the end of the tunnel where she is going to be out of my hair during the day. I have very little assistance with childcare, it's pretty much just me during the days (Daddy is awesome at night).

I pet her hair and I sympathize that it is very hard when Mommy doesn't want to play. But then I tell her that I am going to go do chores and she can either play by herself, read by herself (she has a lot of her books memorized), or she can 'help' by doing very specific parts of the task I'm doing. She checks in a lot, probably every 3-4 minutes, but I offer minimal feedback like "Yes you do have 'x'" and then I keep working. She's 26 months old at this point and she can play pretty much on her own for a couple of hours over the course of the day. I've been pushing for this hard starting at about 11 months. I need for her to be more independent. We have hard days where she really can't handle being ignored (I totally acknowledge that I am ignoring her.) and she does get more attention when she's having a really hard time--but this only happens when she is sick/injured/severely over tired for some reason.

It's taken a lot of insistence on my part to get here. I do this for my sanity and that's non-negotiable.

[EdnaMarie]

The best suggestion for getting dishes or counter-work done I heard, and it was on MDC, was to save it for snack-time and then you pour a cup of cheerios or something on the floor and let them have at it. I have done it in emergencies, spread them all over, and it helped massively. Of course, then I have to sweep, but provided it's an enclosed, tile area, that takes much less time than getting interrupted for 25 minutes.

As for clinginess... my enemy! My only suggestion is perhaps you can find another child with whom he could play? They could stay in the same room as you, but entertain one another? Or an older girl that wants babysitting experience and will do it for free?

Good luck... I'm not into floor-play 24/7 either so I know how you feel.

[gagin37]

we have days like that sometimes. Others he plays alone for hours. It just depends on his mood. He doesn't let me do chores alone though. He has recently developed a great great love for being mommy's helper though. He get's soooo upset if I don't let him help me with the laundry, and the dishes. Even if takes more time to get the chore done, I try to include him, he gets such a sense of pride out of helping me.

[Parker'smommy]

When my kids were that age, I would say "yes", and get them engaged in an activity. I would show them how to play...yes, it seems that this should be "natural", but really, a lot of kids need to be shown how to play alone and then I would say something like, " I need to empty the dishwasher and then I'll come right back" and then I would. Slowly, I would get this time alone longer and longer until they just needed me to help them " set up" or get the things they wanted out for them to play with.

Also, I agree with the posters of giving them the opportunity to "help you" with your housework. My kids loved helping mommy

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks Lady Catherine and Latte Mama - Tons of great ideas that I'm going to try tomorrow. DS was a little more independent today and I actually got a nap, so I feel energized to try and get out of the house more!

[happy2bamama]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

I have a pretty extroverted child. She would strongly prefer interaction 100% of the time she is awake. I simply will not do it. There are a couple of factors playing into my approach. We plan to homeschool, so I don't have the light at the end of the tunnel where she is going to be out of my hair during the day. I have very little assistance with childcare, it's pretty much just me during the days (Daddy is awesome at night).

I pet her hair and I sympathize that it is very hard when Mommy doesn't want to play. But then I tell her that I am going to go do chores and she can either play by herself, read by herself (she has a lot of her books memorized), or she can 'help' by doing very specific parts of the task I'm doing. She checks in a lot, probably every 3-4 minutes, but I offer minimal feedback like "Yes you do have 'x'" and then I keep working. She's 26 months old at this point and she can play pretty much on her own for a couple of hours over the course of the day. I've been pushing for this hard starting at about 11 months. I need for her to be more independent. We have hard days where she really can't handle being ignored (I totally acknowledge that I am ignoring her.) and she does get more attention when she's having a really hard time--but this only happens when she is sick/injured/severely over tired for some reason.

It's taken a lot of insistence on my part to get here. I do this for my sanity and that's non-negotiable.

Yes to this! I JUST posted this same thing about my 3.5-year-old. I wish I had put my foot down more when he was younger so that he would be used to being able to play alone even a little bit. Of course, I don't want to ignore him all day, but when you have a kid that literally is talking to you asking you to play with them, busting in the door when you're using the bathroom, asking you where you're going whenever you leave the room or get up, you need some sanity!! He is at an age where I can tell him that I need some space and time and that he needs to play alone, but he's also at the age where he melts down and says, "I'm not going to do it!" about everything, so it's been tough. Like I said in my thread, I do wish that we hadn't been so AP with DS. Sure, it might be fine for people with more independent kids, but for those of us with kids who want to be constantly engaged, I think *some* AP stuff just makes it harder for us parents. Just my opinion, but I do know that if we have another baby, I will do a more mellow version of AP for my own sanity and for the overall happiness of our family.