So, it's a year+ out from the hard decision. 8 months since separate homes. We've worked through the new boundaries and landed in a good place. Our default hearing was this week so I think I can officially say XH now.
Yesterday we both met with a psychologist for a screening so that I can be a gestational carrier for another couple. The laws here presume paternity for 280 days after a divorce, so we're doing things kind of like a married couple. We had about 2 hours with the psychologist with just the 2 of us. She questioned us inside and out and then said that we have the kind of divorce people in her business write books about--of what can be achieved when two adults put their child at the center of their post-divorce relationship.
We have worked SO hard to get here!! It was artificial at first. Sort of on the surface. But we're far enough into it that it's genuine again (with requisite bumpy days). We had to get through the co-dependency and frustration and just be co-parents.
And she was correct that the relationship we've established is such that when/if either of us re-partners, that new partner is just going to have to accept that this is part of the package deal. Although, it's probably good that we didn't throw in new partners into the mix right away. Neither of us are ready to go there and it could be some time.
I was also happy to hear XH admit that his chronic headaches and stomach problems have almost disappeared. They were always stress related. That's a big indicator that even though he'll never admit he agrees with the decision to divorce...he's doing SO much better in general.
Now, after spending 5 hours at the psychologists' office (2 appts plus a personality test all clustered into one day!!!) I owe him some home-cooking to fill up his freezer!!!
Thassit. We get stress and sadness and ex's behaving unbelievably bad so often, I wanted to add in a little happy snippet!!
Yesterday we both met with a psychologist for a screening so that I can be a gestational carrier for another couple. The laws here presume paternity for 280 days after a divorce, so we're doing things kind of like a married couple. We had about 2 hours with the psychologist with just the 2 of us. She questioned us inside and out and then said that we have the kind of divorce people in her business write books about--of what can be achieved when two adults put their child at the center of their post-divorce relationship.
We have worked SO hard to get here!! It was artificial at first. Sort of on the surface. But we're far enough into it that it's genuine again (with requisite bumpy days). We had to get through the co-dependency and frustration and just be co-parents.
And she was correct that the relationship we've established is such that when/if either of us re-partners, that new partner is just going to have to accept that this is part of the package deal. Although, it's probably good that we didn't throw in new partners into the mix right away. Neither of us are ready to go there and it could be some time.
I was also happy to hear XH admit that his chronic headaches and stomach problems have almost disappeared. They were always stress related. That's a big indicator that even though he'll never admit he agrees with the decision to divorce...he's doing SO much better in general.
Now, after spending 5 hours at the psychologists' office (2 appts plus a personality test all clustered into one day!!!) I owe him some home-cooking to fill up his freezer!!!
Thassit. We get stress and sadness and ex's behaving unbelievably bad so often, I wanted to add in a little happy snippet!!
I've been proud of myself, for the most part, but other times I can feel myself getting all steamed...like when stbx constantly suspects me of underhanded behavior, even though there has been no such behavior in the past or present to base his suspicions on. He just talks to his "buddies" who have been royally screwed over by their exes, and he immediately assumes I'm the same type of person. 
I just thought I better warn him about the possibility so we both keep aware and tread lightly.)
