what do do about a kid who wont look you in the eyes?

[TzippityDoulah]

So my daughter does the typical sensory avoidance thing of NOT looking you in the yes when you talk to her. and harder still she makes sounds and faces (like sticking her tongue out and chomping her teeth or blowing bubbles...etc). I admit I have always thought of that as rude and nasty and scolded her for it. it's infuriating to be made nasty faces at when you're trying to be genuine and serious. but I am beginning to realize I think she isn't being rude (duh) she is making up her on sensory output to counterbalance the input. (for lack of a better explanation) wish this has clicked for me a long time ago!! (seriously... she's 5.5 and I still feel like a newbie at this sometimes lol)

So yeah I don't want to be hard on her about it. I think she just gets over stimulated when someone talks to her one on one when she's in a stressful of busy environment or when she is already doing something her mind is set on. Understandable really. sometimes that stresses me out too.

that said, I do want to teach her how to look at people when they talk. The goal isn't for her to just jump up and start paying perfect attention, but that I want her to work towards it's it as exercise in self discipline for her long term good. does that make sense? In other words I want to encourage HER to do this as much as possible. Not punish her/shame her whens he doesn't do this.

any ideas on how to encourage eye contact without being too confrontational and making it stressful? I know I have put her under too much stress over it in the past and I want to fix that.

(BTW I have sensory avoidance to noises so this is partially why the making of noises when I am talking to her bugs me so badly. I'm trying to put my annoyance aside and meet her needs though, now that I have realized my error)

[Linda on the move]

Has your DD had a full evaluation?

I think that how to deal with things really depends on the whole package of what is going on with the child.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Has your DD had a full evaluation?

I think that how to deal with things really depends on the whole package of what is going on with the child.

yes but it was a long time ago. She has moderate to severe SPD but we suspect something else too (PDDNOS?). We are exploring a new diagnosis ...not sure yet.

she is very sensory seeking, and quite hyper. she is so sweet that sometimes it's quite painful (hugs that knock you to the ground, kisses that smash you in the face, loving words screamed into your ears lol... you get the idea). she is verbally loud, likes loud noises, wild hyper physical behaviour and likes to exert herself til she's too tired to go on So we do a lot of wild fun outdoors stuff like biking, walking, running swinging, jumping and the like. she likes to keep really busy! and I try to let her be loud outdoors as much she needs to be (that's difficult in the winter!)

I'm just not sure how to handle the eye contact/loud noises and demonstrative movements she makes when I'm talking with her. Again, I'm not trying to force her to be something she isn't! I just want her to work on becoming more in control of her own body movements. It's hard to explain online.... but basically I just want her to be able to work on the things that are difficult for her so she can eventually get a handle on them in a way that works for her bit doesn't hurt or scare of people. like it will likely always be good for her to make movements when she is concentrating (I always scratch my arms when I am concentrating) but instead of screaming in a person's face or sticking our her tongue she could tap her feet on twiddle her thumbs for instance... but I'm at a loss as to how to encourage that transition and she is so unaware of when she is doing it and so pointing it out almost seems... impossible. is it just not worth pointing out???

She isn't in OT as the only thing available to us back in our old home was form the school and she was "graduated" after she could say a few words, feed herself and pass things from hand to hand. we couldn't afford private OT, but I am beginning to look into that option again. Money is a huge issue though, unfortunately. I think an OT coul give good insight to this... but i don't have that help right now.

[sbgrace]

I think it's more useful (and gentle) to just help her realize that there is a reason to look at people for communication signals! When she realizes the meaning/what she gains she'll be more likely to do it naturally if, in fact, it isn't absolutely painful to her sensory wise. Towards the end of this person's blog entry there are some bolded points (talk less, nonverbal, etc.) that made a big difference in terms of helping my son make that realization. http://gooagoo.wordpress.com/rdi-un-therapy/
There is some DVD that I wonder if it might be useful for your daughter? http://www.thetransporters.com/ I've not seen them in life or seen their effects but it might help her realize that the face matters. It might help her feel more comfortable too.

But whatever you do you want her to realize the importance and do it herself essentially.

[TzippityDoulah]

hat blog is great! that is exactly the kind of simple yet out of the box thoughts I was looking for.

We are homeschooling, homebirthing, an home cooking kind of family so I want to do as much "ot" stuff at home as much as possible. it's just how we tend to do things. and honestly aside from the fact that our previous OT was a GREAT support and idea person for us, we did all the stuff on our own anyhow. and that worked just fine... but sometimes I do get burnt out and it seems i just can't get past something - like this eye contact thing. It is ME that needs ot change how I see it more than my daughter needing to change. So I think a new approach is needed.

thanks!

Originally Posted by sbgrace

I think it's more useful (and gentle) to just help her realize that there is a reason to look at people for communication signals! When she realizes the meaning/what she gains she'll be more likely to do it naturally if, in fact, it isn't absolutely painful to her sensory wise. Towards the end of this person's blog entry there are some bolded points (talk less, nonverbal, etc.) that made a big difference in terms of helping my son make that realization. http://gooagoo.wordpress.com/rdi-un-therapy/
There is some DVD that I wonder if it might be useful for your daughter? http://www.thetransporters.com/ I've not seen them in life or seen their effects but it might help her realize that the face matters. It might help her feel more comfortable too.

But whatever you do you want her to realize the importance and do it herself essentially.