New baby coming -- worried about leaving nursing toddler for hospital stay

[aikigypsy]

I am either 1 month away from having my second baby by c-section (due to placenta previa), or about 2 months away from a more "natural" birth (guess date based on the fact that I went late last time around). My 32-month-old is still nursing some.

I had wanted to wean her before the new baby came, but haven't been able to so far. We're down to 2-3 nursing sessions a day -- morning before getting out of bed (skipping this one a lot lately), naptime (but she hasn't napped in about a week), and bedtime (which we skipped last night because she fell asleep in the stroller at dinner time -- which is unusual for her, but not unheard of).

We will be facing a lot of transitions in the coming 2 months -- the new baby, moving next door (we currently live with my parents, and will be moving into the mostly-renovated house next to theirs), and DD starting preschool. The original plan was that we were going to move into the house last fall, and I kept thinking that we would wean when we moved... but it's looking less and less likely.

I'm a bit worried about helping her through all of these transitions, but my biggest worry is what we'll do if I have to have the c-section this time next month, and I'm away for 4 days. She will stay with my parents, and/or with DH. A vaginal birth, later on, closer to home, seems more manageable, but I may not get to choose that. Any advice for the hospital stay? Helping with the other transitions? Weaning when there's already too much going on?

Thanks!

[phathui5]

It may be easier on her if you hold off on attempts at weaning until the new baby is here and life starts to settle down a little bit.

If you have to have the C-section, it will probably be harder on you (with the worrying about her) than it will on her. Kids are amazingly resiliant and as long as she's with people who love her (dh or grandparents), she will probably have a great time.

[crunchy_mommy]

I think I'd avoid weaning her until things settle down a bit...

Are you worried specifically about her not being able to nurse while you're in the hospital? Could DH or the grandparents bring her to visit & nurse several times? Could you request to go home early if you're feeling up to it?

I bet she'll do great with DH or her grandparents, it will probably be harder on you than on her And I think she's old enough to kind of understand what's going on, so you have that to your advantage...

[redvlagrl]

I had an (unplanned) repeat C section with DS when DD was 18 mths. She was away from me from Tuesday until Friday. She spent one night with a friend and then DH came home and they visited me every day for an hour or so. She didn't nurse while I was in the hospital.

When I cam home on the friday, she was initially fine, then she just cuddled me for about an hour and wouldn't let go (I can't write this without tearing up) which at that time was *extremely* unusual. She's still nursing now at 22mths.

I think it would be best to continue nursing and if you're away it will be fine. It's very different than if you were refusing her the breast while you were present. She'll miss you for sure, but I think it will ease the transition. Watch out though, DD wanted to nurse all.the.time once baby was home including when the bby was nursing. It was crazy. I let her do so for a couple of weeks then had to dial it back to where she was before (twice a day). It was making me hugely engorged every day because she was totally draining the breasts. The poops were something special too - think BM poop with a toddler appetite with solids mixed in. Ewww.

[OkiMom]

I had a vaginal birth with DD2 but she ended up in the NICU for 6 days afterward and because I didn't trust the NICU I ended up staying at the hospital the entire time. I hadn't planned for that to happen and I hadn't planned on being away from DD1 that long. Honestly, she did better than I did. My friends and DH brought her by daily from days 2-5 (was released early on day 6 so we surprised her by picking her up from our friend's house) and she was more upset that she couldn't be with her sister than she was about mommy being gone. She did nurse several times each day that I was in the hospital and it didn't effect her nursing. I, of course, was a nervious mess by day 2 just wanting to be with both my babies and I was exhausted/hurting/mad etc just wanting to get home.

Id say don't worry about it. Plan for both but doing worry. Advice from one of my friends who didn't know I was planning on tandem nursing don't use the hospital stay as a way to wean. She did that with her second to youngest and youngest and regretted it ever since. It made the transition much harder than it had to be.

[EzzysMom]

I am concerned for the same thing, although no C-section birth for me unless something goes wrong. But still, my DD is nursing several times a day and I'm the only one who puts her to bed. I'm going to miss her dearly, but I expect her to be at the hospital frequently. And I expect her to have a hard time going down for naps and bed while I'm gone, but she will muddle through somehow, she had to one night while I was severely ill with a stomach bug. I think trying to change anything now will be more long term pain than the couple of days of short term pain before we can get back to normal.

If she's meant to wean at that time, well I'm trying to emotionally prepare myself for that. But I expect she will just pick up with the baby nursing all the time, she's a suggestible nurser.

[corrieoseal]

DD (26 months) nurses much like your little one. A couple of weekends ago, I had to go to a family wedding out of state. I worried about how DD would handle not nursing before bed and naps. Finally, I decided to have my folks come and stay in an adjoining hotel room so that DD would be nearby if she needed me while I was at the wedding. (My cell phone says I called about 11 times!) Both nights, DD went down with NO fuss for my mom. She was in a strange place and Mama and Daddy were out, but DD just accepted that Mema couldn't nurse her and played sweetly for a few minutes before falling asleep. I know your situation is different, but I wanted to reassure you that often I think toddlers who nurse can adapt to a new situation without the problems we anticipate. DD happily resumed a little night nursing when we brought her back home. The same has happened on the very few occasions where her dad has put her to bed while I was out. I worried that she would demand nursing, but she was fine without and slept all night peacefully. Good luck with all of you big, exciting changes!

[tabrizia]

DS was fine when DD was born and I was in the hospital for 2 nights/3 days. He went back to nursing without issue. He was 23 months at the time.

I actually semi tried to wean him, by going away a couple of month ago for 4 days, when he was a bit over 3. He just didn't nurse or worry about it while I was gone and started right back up when I got back. Children adapt and an older nursling rarely has trouble going 3 or 4 days not nursing and picking it up again.

If you want her weaned it is a different story, I am still working on that with my 3 1/2 year old, since I would like him weaned before the new baby comes in March, I can deal with tandem nursing, but I am not sure I can deal with nursing 3.