I've had it! No more bfing baskets!!!

[Babydoll1285]

This is a bit of a vent....I've been giving breastfeeding baskets to close friends as shower gifts. I read the idea on here and thought it would be lovely. I've only given them to friends who explicitly express to me their desire to bf for at least 6 months. They all had asked me bf advice and ideas before I gave the baskets.

And not one of them has nursed past 6 weeks!!!! Ok, I know I should be happy that they nursed at all. BUT c'mon! For a few of them, I spent quite a bit of money putting together the baskets. For one dear friend who had told me she would absolutely EBF for at least 6 mo and let baby choose when to wean, I spent 400! (I realize now how dumb that was) That same friend told me tonight that her 6 week old was just "ready to be done nursing"

So I've had it! If someone asks me for resources or things I think are helpful, I'll give them a list. But I'm not spending another dime.

[Neuromancer]

Originally Posted by Babydoll1285

This is a bit of a vent....I've been giving breastfeeding baskets to close friends as shower gifts. I read the idea on here and thought it would be lovely. I've only given them to friends who explicitly express to me their desire to bf for at least 6 months. They all had asked me bf advice and ideas before I gave the baskets.

And not one of them has nursed past 6 weeks!!!! Ok, I know I should be happy that they nursed at all. BUT c'mon! For a few of them, I spent quite a bit of money putting together the baskets. For one dear friend who had told me she would absolutely EBF for at least 6 mo and let baby choose when to wean, I spent 400! (I realize now how dumb that was) That same friend told me tonight that her 6 week old was just "ready to be done nursing"

So I've had it! If someone asks me for resources or things I think are helpful, I'll give them a list. But I'm not spending another dime.

That does sound frustrating -- and expensive!

Do you mind sharing what sort of things you included in your baskets? It sounds like a lovely idea -- perhaps I'll get some of those things you recommend for myself.

[lovepiggie]

I think it sounds like a great idea, but maybe $400 is a little excessive... That's a lot of money!

When a friend of mine had a baby, and expressed a desire to breastfeed, I got her some nice bamboo nursing pads. If I had money, I would have probably gotten her some nipple butter, and maybe a nursing pillow as well.. And throw in a book about extended breastfeeding!

[Spiralshell]

What a thoughtful and generous gift Babydoll! I'm sorry it wasn't appreciated or well used. I would have loved a gift basket like that!

[Casha'sMommy]

Originally Posted by Spiralshell

What a thoughtful and generous gift Babydoll! I'm sorry it wasn't appreciated or well used. I would have loved a gift basket like that!

Can I be your dear friend? I might consider just one more lo just to get a basket like that!
Sorry you feel so unappreciated. s

[somegirl99]

A friend sent me a nursing care package and I really appreciated it!

It had nipple butter, cloth pads, herbal compresses, and nursing herbal tea with a couple of other non-nursing items.

Sorry that your gifts were not properly appreciated.

[sg784]

Im in the same boat. Everyone who I've made a bfing "support basket" has quit before 8 weeks.

[annettemarie]

I'm sorry you feel frustrated. It might help to reframe things and think what a gift these mamas gave their babies-- even nursing for 6 weeks gave their little ones health benefits that would last a lifetime. And who knows if they would even have gotten that far without your help?

[Babydoll1285]

Awww thanks ladies! I appreciate your support! I know 400 is a lot to spend and trust me, I won't be making that mistake again! But here's what her basket included:

A Boppy cover, nursing pads (cloth, disposable, and lily pads), custom made burp cloths, a copy of a Nursing mothers companion (love!), a bottle of a bfing supplement (she had doubts about her supply last time around), mothers milk tea, the recipe for bfing cookies, a nursing journal, a nursing bracelet, a hypnobabies bfing cd, a reference sheet w/kellymom.com, the LCs' numbers, and the local LLL's numbers, some activities to keep her older dd busy while mama nurses the baby, nursing camisoles, granola bars, a refillable water bottle, a box of assorted lindt truffles (every nursing mom needs chocolate), and medela gel pads.

I think that was it, I might be forgetting a few things. Oh and a copy of the Sears book what baby needs, for her dd. I wish it had worked out for my friends...I would have been totally set if I'd had those things starting out bfing for the first time.

[Babydoll1285]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I'm sorry you feel frustrated. It might help to reframe things and think what a gift these mamas gave their babies-- even nursing for 6 weeks gave their little ones health benefits that would last a lifetime. And who knows if they would even have gotten that far without your help?

Thanks for this! You're very right!

[VillageMom6]

Keep another thing in mind... I've had friends who have weaned their first babies very early because things got rough and then they went on to nurse subsequent children much longer.

Your incredibly generous and thoughtful gifts might still get a lot of use in the future!

[octobermom]

I'm sorry your gifts ended up unapreciated...
I will put this out there as sill as it sounds. I'm always told how breastfeeding is "cheep" no bottles or formula ect just baby and boobs, we know thats not aways so cut and dry but if I'd recieved a $400 BF supprt package that would have felt VERY overwhelming not that seeing it would have cause me to quit but if I was having issues struggling with $100's worth of help would have added to the stress..

Deanna

[rightkindofme]

DUDE!! I want to be your friend! I'm still nursing my 26 month old (while 37 weeks pregnant) so I can PROMISE I will make it past six weeks!! (Ok, barring freak of nature accidents or suddenly discovered cancer or something like that.)


Even if these women didn't continue nursing you are still an awesomely thoughtful person and I'm glad you exist to spread love.

[Ruthla]

Maybe you need to reframe the way you think about these bfing baskets. Think of them as "new mother baskets"- things that will support the new mother whether she breastfeeds or formula feeds. These women are your friends, and you'd be buying them new-baby gifts no matter how they feed the baby, right? Spend what you can comfortably spend, not an amount that will leave you feeling resentful if they don't nurse very long.

You're not there with these women 24/7, and you have no idea what kind of problems they had with nursing, what kind of family pressure they might have gotten to wean, what their doctors told them, if a well meaning relative or HCP gave the baby an artificial nipple too soon, etc. I beleive that every woman does the best she can with the information and support she has available. You're certainly giving them information and support, but it might not be enough to counter misinformation or pressure to FF from other sources.

[BlueLeaf]

I would have loved this sort of basket! My LO is 4 months old now, EB'ed, and that's long term among the mothers I know. I'm planning to EB until solids around 6 months, and keep going for a year or longer.

(It's funny that at work, I'm a radical, while among my spiritual peers I'm vanilla.)

You have to remember that it's a gift, not a contract. I have piles of baby blankets, outfits, bath slings, etc. that I've never used and my EBG has outgrown. Not to say that breastfeeding and bathing are remotely parallel! Just that you tailor a gift to the recipient as best you can, then let go.

[boobs4milk]

i feel your frustration. but, i pick myself up and start again. i want to become an ibclc and helping moms and babies no matter what is my motto!

[elanorh]

It really is disappointing when you've worked hard to support a friend who wanted to breastfeed, and then they don't.

I've a couple good friends who were very focused on breastfeeding, committed to it, researched it, sought me out for advice, etc. etc. I fully expected both of them to nurse at least a year. Neither one of them made it 3 weeks.

That said - both dealt with severe PPD, one had significant lack of support (make that *sabotage*) from her MIL/mother, etc. etc. There are so many barriers to successful breastfeeding, even for mothers who fully intend to breastfeed and try hard. It's hard for us to know what happened to a breastfeeding relationship between initiation and its end, especially if we aren't local.

If you want to scale your gift back, that's fine - but I do think (hope) that the support we give mothers for their breastfeeding goals will carry over - in their support of friends who want to breastfeed as well, and in their willingness to "try again" with a subsequent babe. All my friends have breastfed their subsequent babies longer than their first breastfed babies ....

[myk]

what a wonderful and thoughtful gift! sorry they didn't get utilized as much as you had hoped. i don't know if i'd quit making them, but i'd scale back. i wish i had a friend like you who'd be so supportive!