what's harder? going from 0-1 or 1-2?!?!?! - Page 3

[2xy]

1-2 was way harder for me. #1 was a challenging, explosive child. They are 3.5 years apart. #2 never slept.

[ema-adama]

Hmmm, I have been wondering about this too. DS will be almost 3 when his sibling is born - and we still nurse to sleep. He does not STTN and he still really needs his mama (not all the time, but on the occasion that he does, he really does).

I am a worrier and worry about dividing my attention, and balancing my needs within the framework of supporting my son receiving a new baby and making sure baby has his/her needs met.... I am quite anxious about the whole sleep thing. DS was a terrible sleeping (still can be) - and I really fall apart without sleep.

Anyway, I am taking reassurance from the number of mama's who found 0-1 more trying than 1-2. I hope I fall into that group too

[ChetMC]

Difficult in Different Ways

Zero to one is hard if your lifestyle isn't well-suited to having a baby and or to being a parent. DH and I were done with going to bars. I don't need a lot of sleep, can make up sleep easily with naps, am okay with interrupted sleep, etc. We weren't settled into a routine or a lifestyle that needed to change a lot to accommodate a child. Zero to one was easy for us. It wasn't for some of our friends, but they had bigger changes to make.

One to two is hard because you need to learn to :
a. do two things at once when possible.
b. choose the most important thing to do when necessary.
c. figure out what things to do in advance so as to avoid situations a and b whenever you can.

We didn't do too bad going from one to two, but our oldest was pretty mature and independent, DH was around quite a bit, and we fell into a schedule that limited the amount of time when I was alone with a baby and a toddler who were both awake. Also, during what the most challenging periods we were fortunate to end up living with family or traveling with friends, so we had extra hands. One to two was not difficult for us, but it would have been if it had not been for some unusual circumstances.

Everybody said that two to three is hard because you only have two hands. You only have two parents, and so with three you're outnumbered Also, people told us that the world is designed for families with two kids (which seems to be true). Two to three was okay for us because in a lot of ways our two older kids had merged into one. They were close in age. They went to bed together, took baths together, played together all day, liked the same books and toys, ate on the same schedule, etc. Having a high degree of parallelism really made a difference.

People told us that everything after three is just more kids. I think this is true.

[Quaniliaz]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I'd think it'd depend on the age of #1 and the personalities of the two kids. Of course, I think people with higher need toddlers probably generally wait longer for #2.

Ha! No kidding. We didn't have #2 until #1 was 5 (for a reason). #2 was way way way easier. Now that I'm having #3 when #2 will be only 2 years old, I'm kind of freaking out....

[Babina's Mommy]

0-1 harder for me.

[amrijane128]

0-1 was way harder, and I'm newly single with 2 now.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I shall find out soon. lol

But a lot of the 1-2 was easier due to experience under the belt, seems to resonate with me.

I was panicked about how to do a lot of things with DD and was so afraid of "breaking" her because she seemed so tiny and fragile. I had never held a newborn before her.

But now, I know so much more going into this. My biggest fear is just more sleep deprivation! lol So maybe I'll get lucky and DS will be a better sleeper than his sister. Time will tell soon enough. Either way, I'm excited and feel ready.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by AutumnAir

Oh, this is reassuring!! I've been worrying about the same thing!

I know! I was terrified when I opened this thread!

[luckymamaoftwo]

Without a doubt....going from 1 to 2!! But I'm sure it'll depend on your LO's personality, etc. Good luck!

[liberal_chick]

1-2 was way harder for me. Waaaaaay harder. It was mainly the sleep deprivation while trying to still parent a 4 year old. There were days I just couldn't function before noon so ds1 didn't get to go to preschool. And getting 2 out of the house was awful and took HOURS.

[limabean]

For me, 0-1 was harder at first. Going from not being a parent to being a parent was the single biggest shift in my life to date, and it was hard in ways I never imagined. So at least with the second baby, I was in the know about all that stuff.

But post-infancy, being the mother of 2 kids is drastically more difficult for me than being the mother of 1 kid was. I have a lot more trouble getting stuff done, my patience wears out twice as fast, etc. Even now, I notice how easily I shift back into that calm, patient, focused mode when I'm alone with one of the kids, and I sometimes feel guilty that my DS had that mama for 3.5 years and my DD only gets her sporadically, when she happens to be alone with me.

[LokiPuck]

Going from 1-2 was much harder for me. With DS 1, I could focus 100% of my attention on him if he needed me...I could just sit and rock him and nurse him if he wanted, or read 15 books to him in a row. We had such a strong attachment formed from early on that when I did need to get things done around the house, he was content to sit on the floor near me and play with his toys for up to a half hour without a peep. He knew I was there if he needed me.

Fast-forward to the birth of DS 2. I had an emergency c-section with him, so I had to recover from that. Plus he was very colicky the first couple months and NEVER slept. I was awake every half hour with him around the clock. I ended up with horrible post-partum depression. I remember feeling like a complete failure, that I couldn't meet the needs of either of my children. I still feel pulled in a million different directions sometimes.

[annethcz]

0-1. No question. There was just a huge, fundamental life change going from no children to being a parent. But when baby #2 came along, although it wasn't easy, I already had a parenting skill set.

[limette]

They were both easy for me. I'm expecting number 3 and wondering if it's going to be my undoing.

[texmati]

I'm just hoping the next baby is a calm easy baby.

[Grace and Granola]

1-2 was so much harder for me. With my first, everything was a little new and nervous, but I was in a babymoon for months. I just loved being a mom. I never knew that I would love being a mom, so it was a fantastic surprise!

#2 came when ds1 was 17mos. ds2 was an extremely challenging baby. "colic" for 3 months. It was impossibly hard.

But all that is completely due to temperaments/health of the babies, moreso than the actual situation itself.

Expect the best and relax so you'll have the best chance of success and peace about it!

[babybirkel]

DDC from February.

I *heart* this thread!

I am going from 1-2 in early February, and my kids will be 24 months and 2 weeks apart (well, by due date).

Going from 0-1 completely and totally ROCKED. my. WORLD. I think it was mostly the terrible, terrible sleep deprivation (the kid did. not. sleep. for more than 2 hours at a time for the entire first year of his life). But then I was just unprepared for the incredible amount of giving a mom has to do. Like, I knew it would be hard, but I didn't think it would be that hard, kwim? Breastfeeding was super hard, and it took us 10 weeks to get it figured out. And I was just really insecure...I didn't know why my kid didn't sleep, and everyone around me had kids who slept, and everyone was telling me that he'd sleep if I weaned him, or if he wasn't in our bed, etc, and it get sort of overwhelming to already feel stressed out and exhausted but then have people constantly telling me that if I'd only do x, y, or z, he'd magically sleep. And I am a person who needs a lot of sleep to begin with, so it really just about killed me. And then I had PPD.

So hearing that going from 1-2 is easier (from most people's experiences) is v. encouraging. I literally get kind of weak and shaky sometimes when I think OH MY GOSH I AM DOING THIS AGAIN??? BUT WITH A TODDLER, TOO???

But I have heard from my friends in real life with more than one that it is hard going from 1-2, but the baby part isn't as hard. The learning curve isn't as steep in that regard...you know that you're not going to break your newborn's neck just by touching him or her, and you know how to clean an umbilical cord stump, and you know how to breastfeed even if your baby still has to learn, etc. The hard part is figuring out how to entertain a toddler while nursing the newborn through a growth spurt, how to get everyone out the door on time fed and dressed, etc...

Anyway, I love hearing everyone's experiences...keep 'em coming!

[SoCaliMommy]

1-2 was harder than 0-1. 3 months after my son was born my daughter turned 3. It was a major adjustment.

My kids are now 4 and 7. The fight and some days it's tough,but them being close in age it great when they do get along with each other.

We are currently ttc#3 and i think it will be easier to adjust since the other two are older.

[triscuitsmom]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

What if 0-1 wasn't particularly difficult? Was 1-2 easier, worse, the same?

0-1 wasn't particularly difficult for me.

1-2 kicked my butt. Completely totally hands down not even close 1-2 was way harder than 0-1.

And my second is my easy baby. #1 would never ever let me put him down or sleep away from him (not separate bed... just not touching). He didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours at a stretch (and that was only once a night) ever, not even once until he was 18 months old. He is now almost four and he is spirited and explosive. And wonderful... but definitely not easy.

#2 slept better and was generally way easier going. But the combination of having two of them to get ready, two of them to feed, two of them to get to sleep (which rarely happens at the same time so downtime is way reduced) was just way way way harder.

So for me it was absolutely not personality or temperament based... 1-2 was still way harder and I am praying that 2-3 is easier than 1-2 by a long shot.

[CherryBomb]

I don't know, I'm expecting #4 and I think the hardest of all was the 4 years that dd1 was an only child! I am a little worried that going from 3-4 is going to be tough, just because dd3 is so attached and insists she's still a baby.

*eta* If I had to choose, I'd say 0-1 was hardest, mostly because i was only 18 and had never even been around babies!