Gender disappointment? - Page 2

[MommaMoo]

OP, I know exactly how you feel. This will be our last baby as well, and I always thought I'd have a little girl. My mom died when I was young, so I would really love to be able to recreate that dynamic. We find out the sex on Thursday. With DS we didn't find out, but I had convinced myself he was a girl. I was surprised at his birth, but not totally disappointed. I just want to have a daughter so bad, and I will be rather upset if this baby is a boy. But I'll get over it. I already love this baby, and it's the one we are meant to have, girl or not!
Gosh, I would really LOVE to shop for girl's clothes, too! Boy clothes are just bleh, so dull. I just get DS stuff when he needs it. One great thing about having another boy, though, would be that it would be a huge money saver. We have tons of boy stuff, and I won't be tempted to go on a girly clothes-shopping spree!
Also, the bond between mother and son is very special, too, and not usually fraught with the same craziness that mothers and daughters go through. So boys can be much easier in that respect.

[ComplexOphelia]

I'm so glad to read this, because I thought I was a monster!

I was SURE DS was a girl, and really, really wanted a daughter. Do I love him less than if he were a girl? Of course I don't. Do I wish he were a girl? No, not even that. But I really, really want a little girl around, and I don't know that there's even a rational reason - I've just always wanted a daughter. And this is our last baby, too.

We'll be finding out gender at the 20 wk u/s in September, and I don't know how I'll react either way. I do know that, regardless of genitalia, we love and cherish this child - but y'all understand that already .

[Galatea]

The forum for gender disappointment is on in-gender.com. It is very helpful to hear from other people who get where you are. I have boy, boy, girl, and am pg with a boy. I had gender disappointment with my 1st for two days (wanted a girl, found out it was a boy) and really bad with my 4th (this one, wanted another girl, found out it was a boy.)

Not finding out the gender is no guarantee that you won't be disappointed at birth - there are plenty of women who are still very upset even though they found out at birth. My own MW (who is not generally pro-ultrasound) told me plenty of stories of her clients who were crushed at birth, and how it shadowed the whole thing in a very sad way, and that she felt it was better for us to have found out via ultrasound (though dh and I both knew it was a boy in our hearts, and in fact, even before I had my 3rd child, I knew if I had a 4th, it would be a boy.)

What helped me to overcome gender disappointment was to do the internal work of figuring out WHY I wanted a girl - what I thought it would do for me or whatever. And then, when I was far enough along, getting a 3D ultrasound and seeing his face - he is so cute and appears to look like ds2 (though we will see when he is born!) I put the 3d photo on my computer desktop background at my store and it makes me very excited for him.

I have made an effort to find him really cute, original clothes and diapers - not just the dumb "daddy's little all star" t-shirts that are everywhere. We are also giving him a special, unique name, more unusual than our other kids. I am also having another homebirth b/c I saw how great it was during my last birth, to have the endorphin rush. The importance of a good birth cannot be underestimated - you don't want anything to interfere with your bonding.

Another thing that helped me was to look at my husband, and think of all the amazing qualities he has that I love, and to think that I will soon have 3 boys to send out to the world, with all those great qualities and attitudes towards women and intact penises - that I am helping to make the world a better place for women by raising good boys.

Good luck to you.

[frugalmum]

I've had severe gender disappointment, mainly due to pressure from husband and family to have the "right" gender.

What matters is the character of your child, not the gender. Just hope that your child is born with a beautiful character and that you will help build a beautiful character in him or her. Ultimately, that is all that matters.

[EarthMamaToBe]

I was positive I was having a girl (no gender US), POSITIVE. Most things we got were gender neutral (and kind of boyish really) but my Mom gave me the stuff she saved from me...the outfit I came home in, etc. I had patterns for little dresses, you name it.

I was SHOCKED when my son was born. I was not exactly dissapointed but I was shocked. I still sometimes wonder what a little girl would be like...I am almost 40 and probably not having another. Clothes shopping is about the only time I think of it anymore.

I would not trade my boy for the world!

PS-Boys have cooler toys! LOL (JK)

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by EarthMamaToBe

PS-Boys have cooler toys! LOL (JK)

Boys DEFINITELY have cooler toys. So many girls' toys are just, throw wings and a mermaid tail on it. Bleh.

[MaerynPearl]

My daughter has a lot of boy toys!

And my son has some girl toys...

Hes just as content playing with her dollhouse as she is playing with his matchbox cars.

[nia82]

I felt so too when I learned DS was a boy. But I rather quickly got used to the idea and immersed myself in boy info (grew up with women only apart from dad, even our pets were female). I got over it quickly. But when I buy clothes and I see all the cute girl's stuff I wish our next baby will be a girl (I hate sports topic boy clothes, there really is very little out there that pleases me). It's superficial, but it also has to do with having a daughter and knowing how puberty and such works for a girl, I can help, with a boy I don't, so I feel I am more qualified to offer advice to a girl later on. Anyways, I'm pregnant again and I want a healthy child, but yes, I would love a girl. I will always love whoever is growing in my belly of course.
At first, we didn't want a gender ultrasound, but we decided to find out, but not tell anyone. Just so we can prepare for the gender (to get over disappointment in my case I guess, and DH just wants to know badly). I don't want to tell because if it is a boy, people will be like oh you poor thing, two boys, how hard, blablabla. I want to avoid that.

[SumnerRain]

The thing that bothered me most is how OTHERS stressed the importance of a daughter. Let me just give a little background and say my oldest DS is my adopted step-son. We found out about him when DS#2 was a year old, and he came to live with us at age 3.

We did not know the gender of our first baby (together), I just KNEW he was a girl, and I guess I was the only one because everyone knew he was a boy but me. When he was born, and they put him in my arms, I never once felt any sort of disappointment or sadness over his gender.

Fast forward through legal battles for DS #1, and 6 years of infertility issues.... I finally get pregnant with #3 and everyone is sure this one is a girl... I have the big u/s and find out he is a boy. I mourn for a few weeks then get excited over the prospect of three sons. (I am crying now because I hear him cackling in the playroom and it melts my heart). My friends tell me they are sorry because it is a boy... a checker at WalMart asks my sons "if they are sad they are having a brother and not a sister? Because sister's are SO much better". WTF?! Ignorance like that get me hugely protective of my dear little boy. By the time he is born I am head over heels in love with him, but I want one more baby since he is a NB and his brothers are 7 & 8 years older.

2 years later, I get pregnant again with the help of IUI and clomid. At 17 weeks I beg for an elective gender u/s and we find out she is a girl. I decide I want a homebirth with her and my family goes insane with stupid comments like "You are finally getting a GIRL and you are going to risk her life?!?" and all the "You finally got your girl huh?" when she was born. I love my daughter as much as I love my sons, but having her didn't really change my life the way others made it sound. The way others made it sound, my life would never be complete without a daughter and it just is not true. I think my life would be just as full and wonderful as it is now with a fourth son.

We are pregnant again with #5, quite by accident, and we have elected not to find out the gender, because frankly, it just does not matter. We have learned many times over we will love and adore them no matter what gender they are. They will have their own personalities, likes, and toy preferences. The only thing different, IMO, is society's perception of them based on gender stereotype.