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[ema-adama]

I have been playing with the idea of homeschooling my son. He is at home with me, and will be for at least another year, probably longer. He is two and a half.

I am drawn to homeschooling primarily because I trust myself to meet my childs learning needs more than a teacher in a classroom. I am also wary of the religious/political climate where we live and have a hard time thinking of my children being indoctrinated with nationalistic ideas. I do believe that my child can thrive learning at home and in our community and that a state school system is not necessarily in his best interest.

My concerns are primarily social and economical.

I am not a social person, and I have to force myself to find playmates for my son. Sometimes I am better at it, other times not. And I feel guilty that I am struggling to be find a homeschooling group for him to be part of.

Also, I worry about my financial future. We are not paying into a pension for me, and my staying home with my son (and his sibling to be) is fully reliant on my husband working and earning his salary. I have no reason to suspect that my marriage is at risk and therefore that we could loose our stability, but it is on my mind that I am so dependent.

I also aspire to going back to school. I just do not know how that would work time wise if I am homeschooling. And I obviously would not be going back to work in my profession any time soon.

Are there parents who have gone back to studies and work when the children leave home? How do you secure your personal financial future if you are at home with no income and no pension?

Is there somewhere I can start reading, a book or website that anyone can recommend to me?

[skueppers]

I am in a different situation than you are, because I paid aggressively into my own retirement account for fifteen years before I had children. The amount of money I set aside during that time is adequate, in conjunction with Social Security, to provide for a modest retirement in the future.

I have a friend who doesn't have adequate retirement savings of her own, so she and her husband set aside money every year into a retirement account for her. Her husband's point of view is that staying home with the children is a valuable job, and she shouldn't have to sacrifice retirement savings because she's at home raising their children.

[ema-adama]

I'll have to look into that. I did not think of doing it privately. I have a tiny pension from the years I worked prior to having a child. That is part of the reason why I am at home - it does not pay for me to work in my profession in this country.

I also had no idea I would want to stay at home - it is an evolving experience.

Thanks for your perspective

[tanyalynn]

Originally Posted by ema-adama

My concerns are primarily social and economical.

I am not a social person, and I have to force myself to find playmates for my son. Sometimes I am better at it, other times not. And I feel guilty that I am struggling to be find a homeschooling group for him to be part of.

As the kids have gotten older (they're 6 and 4 now), I've found it easier to a) make the effort to seek out groups more, and b) find groups that are homeschooling oriented, which was particularly helpful in the year or two before DD was kindergarten-aged, when I wanted it to be normal that some kids don't go to school (or preschool). And once you get over the hump and find that first group, it's a lot easier--the looking is a lot harder than just attending events regularly, and even eventually starting to suggest group outings.

Originally Posted by ema-adama

Also, I worry about my financial future. We are not paying into a pension for me, and my staying home with my son (and his sibling to be) is fully reliant on my husband working and earning his salary. I have no reason to suspect that my marriage is at risk and therefore that we could loose our stability, but it is on my mind that I am so dependent.

I have an aunt that is very, very concerned about this for me. And just in terms of statistics, well, a lot of families do break up. ETA: I just re-read and I'm not sure if you mean financially dependent in terms of current family expenses if something happens to your DH's job, or if you mean your own long-term financial stability in the case of divorce or becoming a widow--I assumed the latter.

From an objective standpoint, DH and I don't have obvious issues that seem to have potential to cause divorce--it's not a guarantee of course, but I may make different choices if we had serious issues we'd been unable to address or start resolving-- and from a more emotional perspective, I just can't feel right sacrificing our quality of life right now for a possibility in the future. I also feel like I have more capacity to solve problems that come up because I'm not trying to juggle employment and marriage and kids. I worked when the kids were little, I've not been employed for just over 2 years now, and I found it tough to be employed and balance everything--I think I can pay more attention to my relationships and improve our quality of life because I'm not employed.

I don't have a specific plan if I were to become single anytime soon--I guess my comfort level comes from feeling committed that I would figure out a way to deal with things if it came up. It wouldn't be pretty or easy, but somehow I would scramble to figure things out, knowing that others before me have solved this problem and I can learn from them.

Originally Posted by ema-adama

I also aspire to going back to school. I just do not know how that would work time wise if I am homeschooling. And I obviously would not be going back to work in my profession any time soon.

Are there parents who have gone back to studies and work when the children leave home? How do you secure your personal financial future if you are at home with no income and no pension?

Is there somewhere I can start reading, a book or website that anyone can recommend to me?

Lately I've been thinking about going back to school and re-entering the workforce. I was an engineer before I stopped working and I don't foresee myself re-entering that field, so I would need education in a new field, and I'm starting to get some ideas for what field(s) I am now suited for. For me, I'm not anticipating doing this, though, til our youngest kids are probably in their teens--the practicalities of kids being more independent, since currently we're planning to homeschool until the kids are ready to leave home. That could be a long way off--it feels odd to be making plans that far out. I'm 35 now and DH and I are seriously considering TTC one or two more children... so that puts me in my 50s when life may be compatible with further education for me.

I don't have specific resources to recommend. It's taken me a few years to start to feel like I am making a tentative plan and to feel like I've got something of a handle on how we're structuring our family life to meet all our needs and hopefully most of our wants.

[briansmama]

I look at the dependency from a different perspective:

1. Most single working moms are dependent on somebody. Ex-spouse, daycare, nanny, family. And usually need more than just a good daycare to help if their dc get sick and can't go. My point is that you would still be dependent on others even if you had a great career and your dh left you, got sick, etc.

2. Your dh is dependent on you as well- he would have to pay a lot in childcare costs if something happened to you and you were not able to care for your dc.

I think once w emake the decision to have children we take that risk of dependency. You have to do what is best for you and your family given the circumstances that you have. A crisis could happen, but it would be an emergency, not a lifestyle (for me).

This is how I look at this scenario. Having kids is a huge risk, regardless. We planned well, and have life insurances and such, but yes, if a crisis occured it would be terrible. I'm still going to homeschool while I can though

HTH!

[ema-adama]

Originally Posted by tanyalynn

As the kids have gotten older (they're 6 and 4 now), I've found it easier to a) make the effort to seek out groups more, and b) find groups that are homeschooling oriented, which was particularly helpful in the year or two before DD was kindergarten-aged, when I wanted it to be normal that some kids don't go to school (or preschool). And once you get over the hump and find that first group, it's a lot easier--the looking is a lot harder than just attending events regularly, and even eventually starting to suggest group outings.

This is reassuring! Thank you. I have started to become active on a local board. I had been resisting as it is written in the local language (a different alphabet, that I am not fluent in reading). DH is helping me when I get stuck, but it is helping to reach out there. I may have even found a HS mama a matter of minutes away from where I live. (We keep missing each others calls at the moment)

I have an aunt that is very, very concerned about this for me. And just in terms of statistics, well, a lot of families do break up. ETA: I just re-read and I'm not sure if you mean financially dependent in terms of current family expenses if something happens to your DH's job, or if you mean your own long-term financial stability in the case of divorce or becoming a widow--I assumed the latter.

Yes, the latter. Of course we could face such a a disaster together, but I am more concerned about facing it on my own.

From an objective standpoint, DH and I don't have obvious issues that seem to have potential to cause divorce--it's not a guarantee of course, but I may make different choices if we had serious issues we'd been unable to address or start resolving-- and from a more emotional perspective, I just can't feel right sacrificing our quality of life right now for a possibility in the future. I also feel like I have more capacity to solve problems that come up because I'm not trying to juggle employment and marriage and kids. I worked when the kids were little, I've not been employed for just over 2 years now, and I found it tough to be employed and balance everything--I think I can pay more attention to my relationships and improve our quality of life because I'm not employed.

The bolded sentence really 'spoke to me'. I know that the quality of our lives is superior having me at home. DH is also convinced of this. I am not someone who would juggle my work and my family life easily at all. I tend to be thorough in whatever I do and would just get frustrated by not doing either 'job' to my level of satisfaction.

I don't have a specific plan if I were to become single anytime soon--I guess my comfort level comes from feeling committed that I would figure out a way to deal with things if it came up. It wouldn't be pretty or easy, but somehow I would scramble to figure things out, knowing that others before me have solved this problem and I can learn from them.

Again, this really makes sense to me. Should I find myself in this position, I do know that I have other resources (other than financial) to make a plan.

Lately I've been thinking about going back to school and re-entering the workforce. I was an engineer before I stopped working and I don't foresee myself re-entering that field, so I would need education in a new field, and I'm starting to get some ideas for what field(s) I am now suited for. For me, I'm not anticipating doing this, though, til our youngest kids are probably in their teens--the practicalities of kids being more independent, since currently we're planning to homeschool until the kids are ready to leave home. That could be a long way off--it feels odd to be making plans that far out. I'm 35 now and DH and I are seriously considering TTC one or two more children... so that puts me in my 50s when life may be compatible with further education for me.

I am quite sure I will not go back to my profession (Occupational Therapy, Hand Therapist). And I am playing with ideas.... but no time frame.

BTW I always find your posts helpful, whatever forum I find them in. Thank you for taking the time to address my questions.

I don't have specific resources to recommend. It's taken me a few years to start to feel like I am making a tentative plan and to feel like I've got something of a handle on how we're structuring our family life to meet all our needs and hopefully most of our wants.

I think my resource in this instance is probably myself and my marriage. I just need to make peace with the choice of homeschooling (and look into practical aspects like paying into a pension fund/savings fund for me). I sometimes fall into the trap of believing there is something that I can read that will help me, when in fact I just need to take a deep breath.

Originally Posted by briansmama

I look at the dependency from a different perspective:

1. Most single working moms are dependent on somebody. Ex-spouse, daycare, nanny, family. And usually need more than just a good daycare to help if their dc get sick and can't go. My point is that you would still be dependent on others even if you had a great career and your dh left you, got sick, etc.

2. Your dh is dependent on you as well- he would have to pay a lot in childcare costs if something happened to you and you were not able to care for your dc.

I think once w emake the decision to have children we take that risk of dependency. You have to do what is best for you and your family given the circumstances that you have. A crisis could happen, but it would be an emergency, not a lifestyle (for me).

This is how I look at this scenario. Having kids is a huge risk, regardless. We planned well, and have life insurances and such, but yes, if a crisis occured it would be terrible. I'm still going to homeschool while I can though

HTH!

Thanks for your thoughts. Interestingly, we have been looking into life insurance for me for exactly the reason you give.

The question of dependency is more related to my ability to provide the lifestyle we have now (a full time parent at home to attend to the needs of the family) being reliant on my husband contributing his salary to our family. Within our relationship I do not feel dependent. His income is our family income and we discuss all purchases together. However, should our family loose his income (through death or divorce) our lives would look very different.

I agree that by becoming a parent you become vulnerable as you are now responsible for the wellbeing of a child.