How old is too old for skin-to-skin? - Page 3

[lonegirl]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

Not me. I really like to have clothes on....to each his/her own, I guess.

that's me too....I really don't feel comfortable in the nude....I also prefer ds to have a tshirt on at night....just cuz his skin feels so clammy when he snuggles.

[Adaline'sMama]

I feel like when I am done nursing DD I will stop having my naked boobs touching her and sleeping naked with her. I think bathing and showering is more acceptable than cuddling and sleeping together naked. I dont know, I just think that when kids are closer to being a preteen than a toddler I should show a litttle more modesty.

[princesstutu]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

When someone starts feeling uncomfortable with it.

For some this means, never. Others will be years later.

[MusicianDad]

I agree with "when someone starts feeling uncomfortable". As it stands, DD won't even hug DH or I if we don't have a shirt on and DS loves to cuddle up skin to skin. The only person who won't do that with him is DD, which is fine with us.

[JSerene]

For those who think skin-to-skin past toddlerhood is inappropriate, what about kids who nurse past this age? My dd nursed until she was 4yrs old. I know others who have nursed beyond that. If we defend a persons right to breastfeed beyond beyond infancy and understand without a doubt that this is not at all sexual, couldn't we also understand that skin-to-skin time, yes even naked time, is not sexual?

[urchin_grey]

DS is 5 (a very tiny, immature 5, if that makes a difference) and we don't go out of our way for "skin to skin" time or anything, but he doesn't exactly like to wear clothes, so it happens. He knows that going somewhere = getting (and staying) dressed, but the minute we're back home, he's pulling his clothes off. So yeah, we do still get a lot of skin to skin time, particularly at night since we co-sleep. I'm not going to fight it because neither DP or I are uncomfortable with it (in fact, its not something I've even questioned or put any thought into until this thread) and DS has some delays (mostly social) and has zero concept of modesty. Or at least, about as much as your average toddler.

So I guess the short answer is - as long as both parties are comfy with it, I don't see a problem.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by JSerene

For those who think skin-to-skin past toddlerhood is inappropriate, what about kids who nurse past this age? My dd nursed until she was 4yrs old. I know others who have nursed beyond that. If we defend a persons right to breastfeed beyond beyond infancy and understand without a doubt that this is not at all sexual, couldn't we also understand that skin-to-skin time, yes even naked time, is not sexual?

I nursed my dd until she was three and a half and it had nothing to do with being uncomfortable being cuddling my child naked. I don't see it as a sexual thing, I am just very uncomfortable with it and won't do it. If you want to do it then do, but there is no need to assume that those of us who don't view it as a sexual thing. Some people are more comfortable clothed.

I do think that parents should pay careful attention to their kids comfort level to ensure they aren't continuing to do something that their child is uncomfortable doing. Kids don't always tell us that they don't like something we are doing, but that doesn't mean they are comfortable continuing to do it so I think it is important to be aware of their feelings.

[Camile Rynd]

My son is 2 1/2 and he is pretty much as naked as possible at all times! We are not shy about snuggling/showering/playing/relaxing together naked! We don't have an air conditioner, and there are whole days that we just lounge in our underwear. I can't see how this is anything more than being human together. We have rules about where hands can go, so there are certainly boundaries.
We do not attach arbitrary importance to being clothed, and I don't think that snuggling your child skin to skin until they are beyond infancy is strange or unhealthy. I think it's normal. I think it's normal to see your parents naked. I have memories of my parents being naked, and my DH has memories of his mom naked! He even sort of waxes poetic about her gardening naked!

Good luck and snuggle on!

[ShadowMoon]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
When someone starts feeling uncomfortable with it.

For some this means, never. Others will be years later.

These are my thoughts exactly. In my family, being naked is no different then being clothed.

[AbbieB]

I just want to say that my kids are 2 and 6 and we still have skin to skin contact on a daily basis.

Do I strip off my shirt and cuddle them between my breasts like a newborn? No. But I have no problem sleeping naked next to my naked child in the family bed or snuggling and nursing while still naked after a bath or shower.

Skin to skin contact feels good. It's a sensual thing, not a sexual thing.

[ramama]

I don't think skin-to-skin has to mean completely naked. We don't have AC, so sometimes I sleep in my undies. My DDs never wear pajamas. Never. Even in the dead of winter. So yes, we do a lot of skin-to-skin. They are 6yo and 4yo. I guess I never thought of it as skin-to-skin, but I guess it is. I just saw it as "normal" for us LOL!

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

I nursed my dd until she was three and a half and it had nothing to do with being uncomfortable being cuddling my child naked. I don't see it as a sexual thing, I am just very uncomfortable with it and won't do it. If you want to do it then do, but there is no need to assume that those of us who don't view it as a sexual thing. Some people are more comfortable clothed.

I do think that parents should pay careful attention to their kids comfort level to ensure they aren't continuing to do something that their child is uncomfortable doing. Kids don't always tell us that they don't like something we are doing, but that doesn't mean they are comfortable continuing to do it so I think it is important to be aware of their feelings.

I agree! I don't appreciate the insinuation that those of us who are uncomfortable with it must view it as sexual or are wrong in some way.

[loraxc]

I have a lot of friends who were raised by hippie parents, and some have definitely said that their parents were constantly naked around them after they felt comfortable with it, and that the memory of some of the childhood nudity was embarrassing to them. Now, you could say that this is just a sad effect of living in a body-negative culture or whatever, and it probably is, but you know...it is what it is.

Malign contact can easily be achieved through clothes, just as benign contact can be achieved in any state of dress or undress.

I don't agree with your second statement. Nude 13-yo-boy lying on top of a nude parent? No, even if the intent is benign. It's not appropriate, IMO. Seeing each other naked is really different, but I am not comfortable with a child's nude genitals intimately contacting the parent's nude body after approximately potty training age. I'm not saying such a parent has evil intent, but it could be very confusing for some kids, the memory could be disturbing, and it is far outside of our culture's norm, so much so that CPS could indeed be involved. I also want it to be clear to my kids that those areas are private and only for them to touch at this age.

[GoBecGo]

Originally Posted by loraxc

I don't agree with your second statement. Nude 13-yo-boy lying on top of a nude parent? No, even if the intent is benign. It's not appropriate, IMO. Seeing each other naked is really different, but I am not comfortable with a child's nude genitals intimately contacting the parent's nude body after approximately potty training age. I'm not saying such a parent has evil intent, but it could be very confusing for some kids, the memory could be disturbing, and it is far outside of our culture's norm, so much so that CPS could indeed be involved. I also want it to be clear to my kids that those areas are private and only for them to touch at this age.

Sorry, i must have missed the parents on this thread who are laying naked with their teenage boys naked on top of them! The vast majority of those with kids over 6 or so here have said mainly THEIR CHILD has decided to limit even skin-to-skin contact? Referring to a teenager and parent having intimate genital contact is completely over-the-top in the context everyone else is discussing here. I am a parent who is very free about nudity and i NEVER have cause to have my naked 4yo have genital contact with me AT ALL. To suggest so is pretty offensive IMO. Where on this thread is anyone talking about having intimate genital contact with their child?

I was sexually abused for seven years and i could tell by the way my abuser held my hand what he was thinking and going to do. Equally my mother would snuggle me semi-naked in bed during those years and i have nothing but good memories of those times because her touch was loving, not malign. Benign touch is defined by mutual intent and comfort-level, not by state of dress or place on body. If i lovingly hug my DD, naked or clothed, and she receives the hug joyfully and feels loved, that is very different than if i hug my DD, naked or not, for some sort of twisted thrill, or even for a simple hug but in the knowledge that i am forcing her.

I do think that parents should pay careful attention to their kids comfort level to ensure they aren't continuing to do something that their child is uncomfortable doing. Kids don't always tell us that they don't like something we are doing, but that doesn't mean they are comfortable continuing to do it so I think it is important to be aware of their feelings.

Is it not equally important then to be sure that one isn't STOPPING something one's child still needs? i.e. skin-to-skin contact? If it's possible that kids aren't saying "no" when they want to, isn't it equally possible kids are silently missing out when actually they'd rather not give up the skin to skin?

[meemee]

oh boy - this thread has been very interesting but lets not let it get out of hand.

i think loraxc was not talking about someone saying 13 year old here, but she was just using it as what would be extreme for her.

in a way i kinda started it coz i said i sleep many times with no clothes on with my almost 8 year old who, btw is still nursing, and we snuggle. now we are not doing it for skin to skin. we are not even doing it ifkwim. its more a natural progression.

i thank those who are watching out for what i write onlilne, but i am incognito. no one here or at any other place even knows my real name.

but one reason i always come out with stuff that most society does not 'approve' of is because there are others like me who hold back and by me speaking up - i give voice to them.

i have always been like that. even in school. the reason why most of my proffs like me so much - because i always bring up the minority viewpoint and question the popular beliefs. in any class.

however i do want to say i grew up seeing my mom naked. i still see her naked. she feels uncomfortable in front of my dd so gdd has never seen gma naked. but i dont mind it. neither is my dd self concious about what we do.

however i DO understand people who are uncomfortable with my level of comfort. to each his own - as long as you dont interfere with my life. its like i grew up with spicy food and find mcdonald's really bland. and i have friends who grew up midwest and cant handle my food. when they come over to eat of course i dont make them my kinda food. i find a happy medium with homemade hamburgers which they love.

[MusicianDad]

For the record meemee, I slept in my dad's bed of and on until I was about 11. Neither of use have ever worn more than underwear to bed and I have no embarrassed or uncomfortable memories about it.

[homemademom]

Originally Posted by loraxc

I will still hug my 2yo if he happens to be naked, but I don't like, get naked and get him naked and cuddle! I also don't hang around the house naked myself, so it just doesn't come up.

Originally Posted by Maela

I would say after weaning, which for me is 2-3 years.

but I completely understand other people having different opinions.

[JSerene]

[QUOTE=One_Girl;15727833]I nursed my dd until she was three and a half and it had nothing to do with being uncomfortable being cuddling my child naked. I don't see it as a sexual thing, I am just very uncomfortable with it and won't do it. If you want to do it then do, but there is no need to assume that those of us who don't view it as a sexual thing. Some people are more comfortable clothed.
QUOTE]

Good point. I didn't see it until you said it

[MissMaegie'sMama]

I don't think there's an age where it becomes inappropriate. I think it depends on the comfort zone between the parent and child. What's important is that neither person involved is being coerced into cudding/snuggling, regardless of whether they are naked or clothed.

[earthmama369]

We don't have many naked taboos in our house, but if you're thinking about skin-to-skin in medical terms, I think the benefits are probably highest during the first three months or so of infancy. Skin-to-skin, the way I think of the phrase, is meant to help a newborn regulate their central nervous system, breathing, heart rate, etc. They do that on their own pretty quickly. That said, there's nothing wrong with a good cuddle when a kiddo needs comfort.