TIN, I'm sorry this thread hasn't been helpful to you, but in case you're still reading it, to answer the ? you posted, I personally think my ILs have an obligation to their children and grands, but I can't make it happen. I"ve tried guilt, sweetness and light--they just don't care. So for me, it's not worth getting myself all worked up about (although I still do on occasion). They're the way they are. They treated DH w/ benign neglect and they're carrying on the tradition. I think you would do better to let this go. You'll never change them, and it'll only hurt you more to try. They're jerks, end of story.