Originally Posted by RiverSky
It's your own bad luck or poor planning, perhaps, that you didn't marry and have children with someone who had parents who would be more supportive or that you don't have your own family nearby to be supportive and helpful, or that both of you don't make more money so that you can afford to pay for all of this help.
My bolding. Poor planning? Really?
With all due respect, I waited until my 30s to have ONE child. I built a career. I maintain that career now. I built up $50k in savings before having a child (now used up). I have nearly that much in retirement now. I put myself through college 100% on my own. I own a home and saved the down payment myself, with DH. We've never gotten anything from his parents, and zilch from mine.
I've helped my parents and siblings considerably with groceries, rent, clothing, bills. Thousands of dollars before we had kids.
I used to give to charity before I had a baby.
I've never been out of the country or on any kind of a vacation. I have worked professionally for over 10 years and purchased most of my work clothes second hand.
No credit card debt ever. My credit score is over 800.
Um, I'm sorry, I'm like the most responsible person I know. Not bragging. Seriously. I am really like the most responsible person I know.
I have done the planning.
What I want from my inlaws is fairness in how they treat their grandchildren. Not financial contributions to our bills. I want them to buy and do approximately the same for each of their grandchildren.
There is no poor planning to make up for here. Have you heard of the bad economy? My house is worth less than I bought it for a few years ago. My marriage has suffered because I'm probably married to an engineer with Asperger's who can't understand why I would need help and doesn't have the social capabilities to make changes in his life or career. I didn't know what Asperger's was in college when I got married. I thought he was just a smart nerd. I never expected him to flip out the way he has.
If the housing market were like it were 5 or 10 years ago I would have been able to sell, divorce, and move on.
Respectfully, this isn't about poor planning.
This is about poor grandparenting.