problem with donor, is he the father?

[contactmaya]

Hi, im a single mom of two. 2nd was conceived with a known donor the old fashioned way, first with anonymous donor iui.

The thing is, on the cycle i conceived ds2, i also went to the sperm bank, because there were vials left of the original anonymous donor. I wanted a known donor, but i also wanted a full sibling, so i did both.

I have subsequently done a y chromosone test of my sons, that shows they are not full siblings. Ok, so the known donor is the father.

Problem is-i met the known donor again, because i am ttc for a third.

When i saw him again, i thought he didnt look anything like my son, though he seemed to from his photo.

Then when we dtd, i did not feel any ejaculate, and there was no spillage at all. (he did seem to have an orgasm tho)

Now i am wondering if he is the father after all, and if he is even ejaculating?

I conceived ds2 on my first cycle, and frankly, when i went to the sperm bank, the timing was bad. So i was pretty sure it was the known donor. (we did the deed twice at a very fertile time). Even then however, i did not feel his ejaculate, and that was another reason i went to the sperm bank.

Is it possible to not feel the ejaculate inside you?

(yes, i know many of you are lesbians, but what about bisexuals, and this whole scenario is so unusual, i feel more comfortable asking about it on this forum)

If my sons are not full siblings, and this guy did not ejaculate, then i have no idea who the father is, because it means the sperm bank made a mistake.

Of course, unless i know for sure, i will have to go to the sperm bank again, just to be sure. I did try again last cycle with this guy, but did not get pregnant.

Sigh....
Maya

[Forthwith]

Can you get a DNA sample from the donor and get a paternity test done? That seems like the most straightforward solution to me.

You could also ask him to go to the the sperm bank/fertility clinic to have some tests run on his sperm to see if there are any issues with his fertility.

[SubliminalDarkness]

Sorry to pop in here.... I have absolutely never "felt" ejaculate. It's a body temperature fluid entering a wet, body temperature area. I suppose it's possible that some people could feel it, but I never have. So yes, it's very possible the known donor is the father based on what you're saying.

[osker]

Maybe you could ask him to see pictures of his extended family? It's possible your son could look nothing like him and look exactly like his grandfather's brother (or something like that). Sometimes looks really have nothing to do with genetics, so to speak.

[bri276]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness

Sorry to pop in here.... I have absolutely never "felt" ejaculate. It's a body temperature fluid entering a wet, body temperature area. I suppose it's possible that some people could feel it, but I never have. So yes, it's very possible the known donor is the father based on what you're saying.

I don't even understand what you mean by feeling it. Like a spray or a gush or what? I've never felt it, I can feel the penis sort of pulsating but not the actual semen.

Plenty of children look nothing like their parents. I didn't look anything like my dad until I was 7 or 8 and now I'd go as far as to say I favor him (whereas my sister is his clone and always was).

[earthmama369]

Not to be too graphic, but generally I don't feel it during ejaculation, but when you stand up, or if you just wait a few minutes afterward, it starts to come down again and you feel it then. If not, I would suspect that either there wasn't any going in or there wasn't very much.

[contactmaya]

That is such a relief to hear. Usuually, i would feel ejaculate, but i guess thats if its hotter than i am. It feels like a hot wet shower. If its the same temperature, its feasible i wouldnt feel it. Also, i had my legs up for at least 20mins afterwards to ensure minimum leakage, but i expected at least a bit.

When conceiving ds2 last time, i had so much ewcm, it was hard to tell. This time however, i had much less....

Im grateful to hear experiences that make me feel like he did ejaculate, because otherwise it freaks me out :-)

I will eventually get a dna test, but wont know by this coming friday (when due to O again).

[beep]

When I read your story, it seems like the only possible scenario is that the known donor is #2's father. You can certainly get pregnant without noticing the ejaculate. Much much more likely than a sperm bank mistake. Figuring out paternity seems very straightforward to me from what you wrote.

[contactmaya]

Judging by my pre O signs, i probably wont ovulate till saturday or sunday, which means i cant use the sperm bank. I really hope this guy is ejaculating...not to mention the mystery around ds2's paternity if he isnt. That means the lab made an error-i guess i could sue them?

Lets just hope this guy ejaculates