Does 50/50 custody effect child support?

[ihugtrees]

Please delete.

[One_Girl]

Child support is calculated based on what you are each making and how much time the child spends with each parent. If you are both making just about the same amount and split custody equally there may be no requirement for child support, if one of you makes more you will have to pay the other child support no matter which one of you it is. If you are both making less than you would working full time at minimum wage then they may calculate the child support based on minimum wage for both of you, they do the same for just one person making less than minimum wage. I think you should try to get a job that will allow you to be self-sufficient and not rely on money that may not be there, especially if you are going to split custody and both of you are going to work very little.

[JBaxter]

50/50 DOES affect child support greatly. If he carries insurance it will also count as support on his side. With those 2 things you may get very little in actual money.

[Jyotsna]

This is not a response to you question because it has been answered, but when going to court, I don't know how the judge will think about you caring for other children (you said you will do childcare) and allowing a 50/50 arrangement with your ex. I don't think you really know what is 50/50. Half of your child's life will be with your stbx. I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor and pysch so address your depression you mentioned, so you can spend alot of time with your child, be her number 1 influence and also your stbx can still have adequete time with your daughter for him to enjoy her. REally really think this through before you agree to it, and please talk it over with an attorney too. Your child may not like this if the realationship gets sticky. I can't imagein personally sending my children for a 50/50.

An alternate schedule could be worked out for every weekend from Friday night till Saturday night, then he could pick her up twice in the week for overnights. I personally think that children do better when the seperation is no more than four days. I hate my arrangement right now, where two of my children are with their dad for 33 days in the summer. I hold my breath and just wait till they are home.

Think this one through. Really. Best of luck on this process.

[Jyotsna]

Also, I want to point out that putting her in daycare for 6 hours a day and taking a part time job may help you with your issues, and then you can continue to be a near full time mom. I'm thinking you really need to get some emotional and legal help with this before you make a big mistake. I normally don't express my opinions here too much, but I couldn't help it.

Take care, and find ways to get help so you don't have to do this.

[ihugtrees]

My husband is in the military, makes $3200 a month, and gets free health care for all of us (until we are officially divorced. At that time, I will get government health care and my daughter stays on his policy, but he still doesn't have to pay for it.) I will be making $1200 a month. So he makes 2.5 times what I make. So I will still get some child support, right?

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by Jyotsna

This is not a response to you question because it has been answered, but when going to court, I don't know how the judge will think about you caring for other children (you said you will do childcare) and allowing a 50/50 arrangement with your ex. I don't think you really know what is 50/50. Half of your child's life will be with your stbx. I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor and pysch so address your depression you mentioned, so you can spend alot of time with your child, be her number 1 influence and also your stbx can still have adequete time with your daughter for him to enjoy her. REally really think this through before you agree to it, and please talk it over with an attorney too. Your child may not like this if the realationship gets sticky. I can't imagein personally sending my children for a 50/50.

An alternate schedule could be worked out for every weekend from Friday night till Saturday night, then he could pick her up twice in the week for overnights. I personally think that children do better when the seperation is no more than four days. I hate my arrangement right now, where two of my children are with their dad for 33 days in the summer. I hold my breath and just wait till they are home.

Think this one through. Really. Best of luck on this process.

I don't think it's fair for him to give up the entire weekend, every weekend--this will only result in him doing what he needs to do (errands, laundry, housecleaning etc) all weekend and not being able to do fun things with her when he does have her. With me working during the week, that means no weekend time for me to spend with her either. I'm not sure how working is going to be relaxing time away from her...it will just leave me less time to do my errands and things around the house, and make me more stressed when I am with her. When I say 50/50, I mean, Saturday afternoon to Tuesday night--and even still, chances are I am going to be caring for her during the day on Monday and Tuesday still...not an entire week away from her. I feel like two overnights and every other weekend or whatever is just so inconsistent. I can't imagine shuffling her around that much.

I also don't understand this implication that there is something wrong with me for not being a 'full time mom.' Of course I'm a full time mom. But her dad is a full time dad, too, and is just as important to her as I am. Yes, she will spend half her life with him--she is half him! I did not have a baby on my own. Maybe some people's XDH's are not as involved or emotionally invested in their children as my DH is, I don't know? I know a lot of people on MDC think mom is more essential, but I know my daughter and her dad's relationship, and I know that allowing them only every other weekend and random overnights together is not fair. Furthermore, my stbx is very respectful of mine and DD's relationship...if I feel it's not working, he will be open to changing it. We are not finalizing a divorce for a little while, so we have time to experiment and see what we want to do before locking it in.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Child support is calculated based on what you are each making and how much time the child spends with each parent. If you are both making just about the same amount and split custody equally there may be no requirement for child support, if one of you makes more you will have to pay the other child support no matter which one of you it is. If you are both making less than you would working full time at minimum wage then they may calculate the child support based on minimum wage for both of you, they do the same for just one person making less than minimum wage. I think you should try to get a job that will allow you to be self-sufficient and not rely on money that may not be there, especially if you are going to split custody and both of you are going to work very little.

The job I am working pays more or the same than any other job I am qualified to do. My only post-high school work, volunteer, and education thus far has been in childcare, so I am making decent money for part time work. Also, I plan on going back to school full time in January. I'm not sure why you thought we were going to work very little...my DH is in the military and works full time. I am working part time, 21 hours a week.

Being military, my DH has no choice about paying child support, legally speaking. They will take it from him. So I'm not sure if you meant he might not pay me, might get his hours cut, etc...

[Marsupialmom]

Ihugs, many women on this board have a tendency to forget the importance of dad. Splitting 50/50 should be the goal or move to goal. Yes there is different patterns you can use.

Also, while you are still married get some counselling. Also, talk to the base Chaplin he might be able to help open up your ex about what is going on with out being punitive.

50/50 does not equate to no child support. Depending on the state depends on the formula. They will formulate it on his total income including baq, bas, and cola.

Try to stay away from needing child support to live. If for some reason it disappears, his death, separation from the military, et it could be devastating for you. For now, going to school might be the only way you can eventually get on your feet. Talk to a lawyer.

[Avani]

That's quite a judgement marsupialmom.

Yes if the dad has 50% custody it will greatly effect your child support amount. What about filing for alimony?

[JaneS]

These are guidelines in Massachusetts, find out what your state's are:

These guidelines are based upon the child(ren) having a primary residence with one parent and spending approximately one third of the time with the other parent. [One third is 2.33 days out of 7.]

Where two parents share equally, or approximately equally, the financial responsibility and parenting time for the child(ren), the child support shall be determined by calculating the child support guidelines twice, first with one parent as the Recipient, and second with the other parent as the Recipient. The difference in the calculations shall be paid to the parent with the lower weekly support amount.
http://www.mass.gov/courts/childsupport/guidelines.pdf

[PoppyMama]

Washington's guidelines are unclear but you will definitely get a lower amount of childsupport if you use the 50/50. I'm concerned for you designating custody that way since what you're describing isn't 50/50. If you feel equally shared physical custody is best for your child I would recommend you ask for spousal support in addition to child support since you will not receive very much child support. Then you can pay your own bills. Since your stbx is military couldn't he be moved?

[Soul-O]

(forum crashing as a former single mama and current military spouse)..

OP, I'm going to be a little blunt about this 50/50 scenario and the extenuating factors you mentioned.

1. Your STBX is likely to PCS in the future. If a precident is set for essentially 50/50 custody, he may have a good case for primary custody, which means your DD moves with him.

2. Your STBX is likely to deploy again in the future. If so, you will be solo parenting your DD 24/7.

3. Given 1 & 2 listed above, your DD is not likely to have a stable 50/50 relationship with you and your DH. Military life is inherently unstable. That being said, wouldn't it be better to establish a workable EOW schedule that allows for some flexibility? If you maintain primary custody and a majority timeshare, your DD will have a stable home regardless of your DH's deployment and PCS plans.

I hope this post gave you some food for thought. Working on the PPD/anxiety may help to provide a clearer picture of the best options for your DD. Best of luck to all of you as you navigate this challenging time.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

The job I am working pays more or the same than any other job I am qualified to do. My only post-high school work, volunteer, and education thus far has been in childcare, so I am making decent money for part time work. Also, I plan on going back to school full time in January. I'm not sure why you thought we were going to work very little...my DH is in the military and works full time. I am working part time, 21 hours a week.

Being military, my DH has no choice about paying child support, legally speaking. They will take it from him. So I'm not sure if you meant he might not pay me, might get his hours cut, etc...

I misinterpreted your comment about neither of you wanting to work full-time and put her in daycare to mean that you were each going to work part-time (sometimes people get discharged from the military), which is very little and doesn't pay the bills unless you have an incredibly low cost of living. Some of this comes from my experience.

My ex was also military and it took almost a year before they got the paper work right and I started getting paid, the child support enforcement agency sent the request in several times and I finally had to track down the family support person and push them hard to consider my dd his family who needed support by getting the document in place. It was a nightmare! He also quit being in the military just after I started getting regular child support and it has been sporadic ever since then because his job situation has been sporadic. Child support is something that I have learned shouldn't be counted on because it isn't always steady. It is nice to have but it can come and go. You especially shouldn't count on it before you know how it will be calculated, it is possible that in your state you won't get any support if you are doing 50/50 and you will each have to make do with what you earn. It varies so much from state to state that you really should look into it and have the money in hand before you make plans around it.

It may be that since you are going for 50/50 he feels more invested in his child's life and will find the money to pay no matter what. The job market sucks right now and getting a job may not be easy if he gets out soon, even with an RN. (In our area RN's used to almost always have a job offer upon graduation, in the last class that graduated 2 had an offer). You are right that you can try to get a better job later, but it is very scary to be in that position and jobs are hard to come by now. Who knows what they will be later. If you can work more while he has his custody time you may find a decrease in a lot of the stress that comes with being a single mom and having a very small income.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

(forum crashing as a former single mama and current military spouse)..

OP, I'm going to be a little blunt about this 50/50 scenario and the extenuating factors you mentioned.

1. Your STBX is likely to PCS in the future. If a precident is set for essentially 50/50 custody, he may have a good case for primary custody, which means your DD moves with him.

2. Your STBX is likely to deploy again in the future. If so, you will be solo parenting your DD 24/7.

3. Given 1 & 2 listed above, your DD is not likely to have a stable 50/50 relationship with you and your DH. Military life is inherently unstable. That being said, wouldn't it be better to establish a workable EOW schedule that allows for some flexibility? If you maintain primary custody and a majority timeshare, your DD will have a stable home regardless of your DH's deployment and PCS plans.

I hope this post gave you some food for thought. Working on the PPD/anxiety may help to provide a clearer picture of the best options for your DD. Best of luck to all of you as you navigate this challenging time.

My DH is on limited duty due to jaw issues and cannot be deployed. He has 4 year orders to his current duty station, and only 1.5 years left before his contract in the military is up. After that, he will begin working, as he is currently working on his RN. He has a ridiculously high credit score, is the most fiscally responsible man I've ever met, who takes his responsibilities VERY seriously. I am not worried about not getting paid, ever. If that were to happen, I could, at that point, go find a job and childcare and work on it then. I'm failing to see why I should be away from my daughter 40-50 hours a week NOW if I don't HAVE to, just *in case* my stbx one day has a complete personality/moral/character change. I also never said I was not working on my PPD and anxiety...I am waiting on a referral to a counselor and treating my depression with various natural supplements, which has significantly improved my mood & energy level. I am not unhappy and miserable all of the time...I just find it difficult to cope with caring for a child, a household, myself, completely on my own in a place I moved to a few months ago, 3,000 miles from all of my friends, family and hometown. ANYONE in my position would feel a little down, and I'll do what I have to do if for some reason he is deployed. How would my DH have any more leverage than me, any way, in a 50/50 custody arrangement should he PCS?

To everyone else:
I really don't understand why everyone on this forum is jumping down my throat for wanting my daughter to have an equal relationship with her father. I wasn't aware that this was a dad/men hating board.

Hundreds of thousands of women have struggled with PPD and depression and anxiety and emotional issues. That doesn't mean that I don't know what is best for my daughter. Being depressed doesn't mean I'm insane or not aware, as seems to be implied by more than one person in this thread, and I'm not sure why everyone here seems to think that it does. This is why people are not honest about their mental health, because there is such a stigma attached to it.

Not to mention, it's clear that the idea I frequently run across in the AP community is alive and kicking here: mom is not allowed a break. If you want a break, there must be something wrong with you, and you shouldn't be okay with your child being with anyone else, even her FATHER.

I came here for support and information, not to be treated like a lesser-than, a bad mother, a crazy person, etc etc. I'm honestly shocked at the reaction to this thread, and not sure I want to frequent this board after all.

Thank you to the people who gave me matter of fact information without the insults. I'm going to edit my original post to make it less controversial.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by ihugtrees

To everyone else:
I really don't understand why everyone on this forum is jumping down my throat for wanting my daughter to have an equal relationship with her father. I wasn't aware that this was a dad/men hating board.

Hundreds of thousands of women have struggled with PPD and depression and anxiety and emotional issues. That doesn't mean that I don't know what is best for my daughter. Being depressed doesn't mean I'm insane or not aware, as seems to be implied by more than one person in this thread, and I'm not sure why everyone here seems to think that it does. This is why people are not honest about their mental health, because there is such a stigma attached to it.

Not to mention, it's clear that the idea I frequently run across in the AP community is alive and kicking here: mom is not allowed a break. If you want a break, there must be something wrong with you, and you shouldn't be okay with your child being with anyone else, even her FATHER.

I came here for support and information, not to be treated like a lesser-than, a bad mother, a crazy person, etc etc. I'm honestly shocked at the reaction to this thread, and not sure I want to frequent this board after all.

I don't think anyone here has treated you as a lesser-than, bad, crazy mother, etc. Posters have simply been sharing information and personal stories, that's what forums are for.

Take what you want, leave the rest.

Personally, if my ex and I were sharing 50/50 custody - I wouldn't expect financial support. If he was caring for our child half the time, I would be comfortable supporting myself (and her) the other half the time.

However, I would carefully listen to Soul-O's post... sharing 50/50 custody definitely sets the tone for future custody proceedings.

What if it reaches the day where your ex remarries and has more children - and no longer wishes to pay for your cell phone 'under the table', your car insurance and loans? What will you do then?

Custody issues aside, you need to protect/prepare yourself financially.

You may not see that coming (especially if you're hoping to go to counseling and save the relationship) but I would be fully prepared to support yourself, and your child, if need be.

Finally, I disagree with the premise that 'in the AP community, mom doesn't get a break' - go back and read some of the threads here (even a few of my more recent ones) talking about leaving little ones with their dads, caregivers, etc. in order to get some mental downtime.

I haven't seen that attitude here at all.

[Soul-O]

OP, I know how tough it is to be far from friends and family while caring for young children, and I applaud you for taking steps in the right direction to get help. You shouldn't have to wait for a counseling referral. Have you contacted Military One Source? Tricare Behavioral Health also allows for self-referrals. PM me if you need websites and/or phone numbers.

Since your DH is non-deployable, if he does PCS he may have more leverage for primary custody simply because he has stable income - sad but true. While courts are generally loathe to give primary custody to the moving parent, military moves are sometimes an exception because the moving parent doesn't have a choice about moving. That being said, if a precedent of 50/50 is presented to the court, judges don't always have a lot of discretion about whether or not they will order a custody eval (which is lengthy and expensive) to determine who will maintain primary custody.

Hopefully, you and stbx will be able to hash out a plan amicably; however, many of us have seen the best of intentions go awry once a couple actually begins the divorce/custody process. Just make sure to get everything in writing.

[Jyotsna]

Ihugtrees,

I didn't suggest that your husband miss weekends. You may want to negotiate two nights per week in addition to his weekends where he picks your child up after work, bring your child back home before bedtime. This gives you time away to take care of you, your chores ecetera, but you are not away from your child half the time. There are lots of ways to organize parenting time, without having a 50/50 custody arrangement.

As for sharing your information here, I just want you to know I come here when I need information, sometimes just need others to see my situation for what it is and help me understand it. I really appreciate the help of the other moms here who have alot of experience with custody, court, ex's, ect.

[meemee]

OP if you and your dh were just separating without going the legal route then you can do anything you want.

but since this is going the legal way - you need to be aware of your rights.

hopefully when you see your lawyer they can guide you with what's in YOUR and your dd's best interest.

for instance - you might want to do 50/50, but it might not suit your dd. your dd might want you more now and later be more open to being with daddy. so right now perhaps a 60-40 or 70-30 in your favour might work better for your dd. for instance would she be able to spend overnights with her dad now without you? mine at 18 months or even 2 couldnt.

however you wont know unless you try it. and so you might need to file a 50/50 custody but in reality it could be 70/30.

i dont know what the state of WA does but here in Calif in case of a 50/50 the parent making more pays a small amount of CS.

if your dh pays you above and beyond what he is asked legally to pay - you may not get all that you want. you may make too much to qualify for food stamps.

there are men like my xfil who took care of his ex and kids above and beyond what he was legally asked to do. but in their papers they were both recognised as custodial parents in a court of law just so if anything happened one parent does not get the upper hand. it almost did. his present wife tried to stop all the extra money but he refused.

all the moms here are saying is dont throw out the baby with the bathwater. know your legal rights before you sign any paper.

btw i have also known a couple of families where the parents moved in and out not the kids. the kids stayed at the house and the parent moved in there during their custody time. it worked really well for all of them.

[ramama]

Originally Posted by JaneS

These are guidelines in Massachusetts, find out what your state's are:

It is at least similar, if not identical, in my state. I think this kind of calculation is fairly common. The rationale is that if you were to spend $100 on necessities for your DD, it would take a larger chunk of your income because you earn less. Your DH caring for your child 50% of the time is going to be less of a financial burden on him than it would be on you, so the courts would try to even it out at least a little.