post #1 of 29
8/8/10 at 1:51pm
This is not a response to you question because it has been answered, but when going to court, I don't know how the judge will think about you caring for other children (you said you will do childcare) and allowing a 50/50 arrangement with your ex. I don't think you really know what is 50/50. Half of your child's life will be with your stbx. I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor and pysch so address your depression you mentioned, so you can spend alot of time with your child, be her number 1 influence and also your stbx can still have adequete time with your daughter for him to enjoy her. REally really think this through before you agree to it, and please talk it over with an attorney too. Your child may not like this if the realationship gets sticky. I can't imagein personally sending my children for a 50/50.
An alternate schedule could be worked out for every weekend from Friday night till Saturday night, then he could pick her up twice in the week for overnights. I personally think that children do better when the seperation is no more than four days. I hate my arrangement right now, where two of my children are with their dad for 33 days in the summer. I hold my breath and just wait till they are home.
Think this one through. Really. Best of luck on this process.
Child support is calculated based on what you are each making and how much time the child spends with each parent. If you are both making just about the same amount and split custody equally there may be no requirement for child support, if one of you makes more you will have to pay the other child support no matter which one of you it is. If you are both making less than you would working full time at minimum wage then they may calculate the child support based on minimum wage for both of you, they do the same for just one person making less than minimum wage. I think you should try to get a job that will allow you to be self-sufficient and not rely on money that may not be there, especially if you are going to split custody and both of you are going to work very little.
|These guidelines are based upon the child(ren) having a primary residence with one parent and spending approximately one third of the time with the other parent. [One third is 2.33 days out of 7.]
Where two parents share equally, or approximately equally, the financial responsibility and parenting time for the child(ren), the child support shall be determined by calculating the child support guidelines twice, first with one parent as the Recipient, and second with the other parent as the Recipient. The difference in the calculations shall be paid to the parent with the lower weekly support amount.
The job I am working pays more or the same than any other job I am qualified to do. My only post-high school work, volunteer, and education thus far has been in childcare, so I am making decent money for part time work. Also, I plan on going back to school full time in January. I'm not sure why you thought we were going to work very little...my DH is in the military and works full time. I am working part time, 21 hours a week.
Being military, my DH has no choice about paying child support, legally speaking. They will take it from him. So I'm not sure if you meant he might not pay me, might get his hours cut, etc...
(forum crashing as a former single mama and current military spouse)..
OP, I'm going to be a little blunt about this 50/50 scenario and the extenuating factors you mentioned.
1. Your STBX is likely to PCS in the future. If a precident is set for essentially 50/50 custody, he may have a good case for primary custody, which means your DD moves with him.
2. Your STBX is likely to deploy again in the future. If so, you will be solo parenting your DD 24/7.
3. Given 1 & 2 listed above, your DD is not likely to have a stable 50/50 relationship with you and your DH. Military life is inherently unstable. That being said, wouldn't it be better to establish a workable EOW schedule that allows for some flexibility? If you maintain primary custody and a majority timeshare, your DD will have a stable home regardless of your DH's deployment and PCS plans.
I hope this post gave you some food for thought. Working on the PPD/anxiety may help to provide a clearer picture of the best options for your DD. Best of luck to all of you as you navigate this challenging time.
To everyone else:
I really don't understand why everyone on this forum is jumping down my throat for wanting my daughter to have an equal relationship with her father. I wasn't aware that this was a dad/men hating board.
Hundreds of thousands of women have struggled with PPD and depression and anxiety and emotional issues. That doesn't mean that I don't know what is best for my daughter. Being depressed doesn't mean I'm insane or not aware, as seems to be implied by more than one person in this thread, and I'm not sure why everyone here seems to think that it does. This is why people are not honest about their mental health, because there is such a stigma attached to it.
Not to mention, it's clear that the idea I frequently run across in the AP community is alive and kicking here: mom is not allowed a break. If you want a break, there must be something wrong with you, and you shouldn't be okay with your child being with anyone else, even her FATHER.
I came here for support and information, not to be treated like a lesser-than, a bad mother, a crazy person, etc etc. I'm honestly shocked at the reaction to this thread, and not sure I want to frequent this board after all.