My Dad talks about suicide

[berry987]

I'm hoping someone has advice. My Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months ago. He's had an obvious and severe decline in his memory over the last couple of years. He is also clinically depressed and has been on a variety of meds over the last few years. He is also struggling with alcohol dependence (mainly since his memory issues started). Since his diagnosis his depression has gotten worse and he has started talking about suicide. His psychiatrist is aware of this and has been altering his medications, but otherwise, just sent him home and told my mom to "take his suicide talk seriously." (Not sure what he means for her to do...she was already taking it seriously, that's why she told the psychiatrist).

Anyway, yesterday my dad called my sister and left her a voice mail. At the end of the message he put his phone down and accidentally didn't hang up. He then proceeded to talk to himself about how he wants to kill himself, buy a gun, etc. She said he was mumbling, but it was clear what he was saying. He didn't know he was being recorded. She called him today to talk about it and he said he'd be willing to go somewhere to get help...maybe a treatment center. He admitted that he thinks about killing himself because he doesn't want the grandchildren to remember him with late stage Alzheimer's But, he said, he is still far away from doing anything about it. We have a close friend who committed suicide a few years ago..so I know how quickly it can happen. And so, of course, we're taking this seriously.

The problem is I don't know where to turn. We called the suicide hotline and the lady was completely unhelpful. She was incredibly rude and told me to call his GP . I don't want him admitted to the hospital, because he doesn't appear to be on the cusp of doing it....although maybe that's what everyone thinks? I'm reluctant to call his GP because they might just tell us to take him to the ER. We were hoping to get him somewhere that can help him deal, long-term, with his depression and alcohol issues. My parents have some resources, not a lot, but they are fairly well off and I think they can afford a private treatment center.

I just don't know where to start, who to talk to, etc.

Thanks for listening. My heart is broken right now...my dad is crumbling before my eyes.

[HappyMommy2]

Originally Posted by berry987

.... He didn't know he was being recorded. .....
.

I think he did this on purpose, and he DID know he was being recorded.

Originally Posted by berry987

........ I don't want him admitted to the hospital, because he doesn't appear to be on the cusp of doing it....

.

My MIL had one unsuccessful attempt before she succeeded. She mentioned it. Most suicides mention it. Take it seriously.

We didn't know what to do either. I asked the hospital what to do (after the fact) ... and they said once a person says it, bring them to the hospital. I didn't know you could do that. It isn't like they are "sick" (but they really are) ... the hospital will understand.

Knowing what I know now, this is what I would do in your situation: IMMEDIATELY take him to the hospital. Save his life now, today.

Then, find a nice place for him to transfer to, where he can get the "better" care that your parents can afford.

Good luck mama. My heart cries out for you. Please take action. I so wish we had known earlier and believed her threats!!!

[*Jade*]

What about some kind of counselling? It's true that GPs and psychiatrists can usually only act when there's a specific threat, but maybe he needs someone to support him through the awful changes he's going through, and help him to get some peace, similiar to what might happen for someone with a terminal illness.

[Oubliette8]

I agree with Jade, counseling from some sort of therapist is an excellent idea. Not only can they help him adjust to the changes in his medical condition and his alcohol issues, but they can deal with the suicidal threat as well. They would be in a good position to monitor his suicidality and the threat it presents. Merely talking about suicide does not always warrant a direct trip to the hospital, and a good therapist will know when it can be managed outpatient, and when he needs to be hospitalized. They are also, if it comes down to it, able to make the proper calls to see to it that he is hospitalized if it comes down to it.

My other thought is, many mental health meds can have severe effects on memory, has any checked to see if his meds might be making his memory issues worse? Many psychiatrists are reluctant to talk about these sorts of side effects, so I'm not sure who would be best to consult, but it is something worth looking into. Some psych meds can also cause suicidal behavior. Others are known for presenting greater mortality risks to the elderly populations.

[RiverTam]

He must be terrified. Alzheimer's has a prognosis of about 7 years. It is the cause of death in 70% of people who have it. It causes extreme degeneration. I'd be terrified if I were your dad, too.

Your dad needs a counselor at a minimum. He needs someone who can help him work out what he wants to do in this circumstance. Many symptoms can be managed somewhat with medication. Your family probably should talk to a social worker, too. Your mother is going to need help. Your family needs a plan to deal with with some terrible facts.

[berry987]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. We were able to find a treatment center that could take him tomorrow (Tues) and he has agreed to go there. This is such a HUGE step because we've been trying to get him help for his alcoholism since it became clear that he had a problem (and has been advised by all his neurologists that alcohol only make memory loss worse). So this place will help him with his depression and alcoholism. And, it's a very holistic place, so they are going to look at his meds closely (he is on a massive cocktail of stuff) and hopefully can make things better for him.

Up until now he has been unwilling to see a therapist, only a psychiatrist. Same goes for my mom. There is an AD support group in town, too, and I'm hoping this will open the door to that.

I'm sure this is true of most people with diseases, especially AD, but both my parents have been very resistant to setting up any kind of plan. My mom is in denial (there's no way it's Alzheimer's!) and my dad is just depressed, suicidal, and when he forgets about the diagnosis (which he does from time to time) he feels a little better.

I hope this treatment center will help all of us move forward towards making a plan and helping my dad make the best of the years he has left. He is still in the fairly early stages, and they used to love to travel, but they haven't in years, so we're trying to get them to go on some organized trips, etc.

Anyway, it's all so complicated. And I'm trying to be rational and helpful and all that, but what I really want to do is climb under my duvet and sleep to get away from it all.