DO you feel having more kids has made you a better parent?

[dakotablue]

I guess that's my main question. Right now I just have DS, who is 10 months. I have such a hard time getting into a routine with housework and him, and even just an overall schedule past eating and sleeping. He is not terribly high needs, which I think might be part of the problem. I was always one of those people that did better when I had no time, rather than what feels like all the time in the world. What about you? Was it easy to keep to a schedule when having more?

[AllisonR]

Yes, I think so. Though not for the reasons you asked. My routine didn't get more or less when my 2nd DC was born, just different. But I became a much more confident, and humbled, parent with #2. Hard to explain. Confident because you know what you are doing, can get through the rough times better because you know generally when/how it will end, don't give a hoot what other people think about how you are doing things because you know what is right for you and your family, and more relaxed so you can really enjoy all the wonderful stages, because you know how fast they will be gone. Humbled because you think you knew it all with baby #1, but then baby #2 comes along so completely different and bites you for it. So you just become more forgiving of everything and everyone and you cut other people some more slack because you realize you have never stepped in their shoes AT ALL so you can't judge them in any real way.

[chrfath]

On some levels. I am expecting number 4 and have pretty big gaps between all the kids except these last two. My parenting has changed alot. I am still very AP, but better with boundaries and expectations for all the kids. I can't just keep cutting them slack and doing everything for everyone. I don't know if that makes sense.

I don't know that having more has made me better at keep a good schedule. Things are always changing. We have a very loose rhythm to our day. Everyone seems pretty happy most of the time so we must be doing okay.

[Sharlla]

i think i learned things with each kid. im definitely more patient, more selfless now than i was at 19
Posted via Mobile Device

[Ruthla]

10mos don't really need schedules beyond sleeping and eating. The only time I had a really regular schedule with a 10mo was with DS, because his sisters were in school at the time and we had to coordinate the day around meeting the school bus and taking them to after school activities.

Your daily routine will change as the baby gets older, whether or not you have more kids.

[Tigerchild]

Having more kids than me easy, laid back firstborn made me a better PERSON (in the sense that every unkind and snobby thought I EVER thought about other parents came to bite my butt clean OFF). It made me a more confident and relaxed parent, because I realized that the world would not end if I used a zOMG STROLLER or if someone had to cry for a couple of seconds before I could get to them--and because of what I mentioned before I realized that the snobby/judgemental types were that way primarily because they were ignorant or incapable of putting themselves in my shoes so I could neither blame them (having been ignorant and unempathetic myself) nor really worry about them (because I wouldn't have been able to please them unless I was doing things Their Way).

But..more kids means dividing your time more, and dealing with exponential (not multiplied) complications in your parenting life. So I'm on the fence about it making you better at performing parenting *tasks*. I'm inclined to say that it doesn't really improve performance, you just learn to ease up on the tight sphincter that so many of us have with our first born (yours truly included!).

[mrspineau]

I think it can really take a while before you sort of, get the hang of things. It's a learning process, you know? I think just plain time has made me a better parent. You learn what works and what doesn't, what's important and what's not, how to manage your time, how to multitask, etc.

[cappuccinosmom]

In many ways, yes. With each child I learned new things that made me a better parent. Sometimes having more children pushed me (reluctantly) to make changes that were for the better. Having more definitely forced me to loosen up. I would say that the more kids I had, the more clear it became to me that I *had* to get healthy (mentally/emotionally) for their sakes.

I also think, though, that there's the simple fact that I was several years older, more experienced, and more mature when my third was born than when my first was born. And having one 10 month old was very different from having a 5 yo, 3 yo, and a 10 month old. That was actually pretty hard, but now that they are 7, 5, and 3, life is good.

[mamazee]

I'd say it's given me more perspective and made me less judgmental about other parents, but I don't think it's made me a better parent. I'm spread a bit more thin which is a challenge rather than an improvement to my parenting, though my kids are very different in age so it's not too bad.

[philomom]

No. My second child is so high needs that he gets us all strung out. If I had continued to have children after him, he still would have caused as much drama and worry as he does now.

[Juvysen]

yes and no. I feel that having more kids has forced me to "grow up"... dh and I are better at just putting our heads down and doing what needs to be done, like repairs, cleaning, etc. We're better at making food from scratch and planning ahead.

however, I'm more stressed out and probably don't handle situations as well as possible. Soooo, I dunno? It's a trade off.

ETA... as for keeping a schedule? No, it's way harder.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I'd say it's given me more perspective and made me less judgmental about other parents, but I don't think it's made me a better parent. I'm spread a bit more thin which is a challenge rather than an improvement to my parenting, though my kids are very different in age so it's not too bad.

This. I do think growing as a person makes me a better parent -- but there are so many ways to grow as a person.

OP, it actually sounds like you're simply asking if having more children will fill up your day and make it more interesting. It might, or it might not, and I've found situations to be very changeable depending on the ages and developmental stages of my children.

When I just had one 10-month-old baby, I often felt antsy to get out, and then out-of-place when we'd, say, head to the playground and she'd spend her whole time shoving tiny rocks into her mouth. I'd feel these surges of energy driving me to branch out and connect with the world -- and then feel that energy being quickly sapped with the need to constantly supervise such a young toddler.

Then she grew and grew, and by the time she was four, we were two peas in a pod, out walking around the neighborhood and exploring together. Then dd2 was born when dd1 was 5, and for a while it seemed like too much work to even try to leave the house, but I'd force myself sometimes in order to meet my older child's needs.

Now they are 10 and 5, and it's pretty easy to go places and also easy to have fun at home.

I find that our routines are constantly changing as we grow and change. Now I also have a part time work-at-home job which keeps me feeling pretty busy.

[A&A]

Having more than one means I have to deal with sibling rivalry, and that's really hard for me.
(Of course I love them both very much and I'm glad I have two, but no it doesn't make me better.)