Our Urban Free-Range Adventure

[mammal_mama]

Well, our 10yo dd has been expressing the need for more independence ... and we're gradually starting to branch out. As of today, she is now riding her bike around the block on her own, and we just got her a lock & chain for it so she can ride up the street to a nearby store and actually leave her bike outside to go in and buy stuff from time to time.

She is elated!

We are talking about the possibility of her going some places on her own on the metro bus in the near future, too.

She is so happy; she had started feeling that her life was so predictable and she did the same things every day and never had much in the way of exciting stuff to look forward to ... and now her face is just lighting up as she brainstorms about all the possibilities for new adventures.

I'd love to hear from other parents who are trying to jump off the helicopter-parenting dock and plunge wholeheartedly into free-range living. At first I felt like I could only go in one toe at a time -- but now, seeing how happy and thrilled and alive she is feeling, I really feel like we're ready to take the plunge.

Really, it shouldn't feel like such a plunge, since I was walking to and from school and friends' houses, and riding my bike around the neighborhood, well before the age of 10. Back then I probably would've laughed at a mama going on about how her 10yo just rode around the block all by herself.

But for some reason it now feels so totally rad.

I'd love to hear about everyone else's journey out of fear and into glorious LIFE!

[meemee]

i have a super independent one too.

i hope you will enjoy the journey of an almost 8 year old.

she just loves, loves being out of my sight. if it wasnt for legal reasons she would be doing more stuff on her own.

- left her alone at home while i have been gone max half hour after letting our neighbour know

- been alone at home for 2 hours while i attended a class next door

- cooking with me no where in the room with her

- using a sharp knife. this last weekend we were volunteering and she used the chefs super sharp knife to cut some potatoes and did a good job without cutting her fingers.

- cross the road at the stop sign by herself while i am still in our yard and start my car.

- at dd's school there is a 10 year old who has been taking public transportation to school.

- sat in the cafetaria as dd went grocery shopping with the list and common sense and bought and paid for all without me there. AND made the decision of what her treat was.

she has heard of child labour and all that they do and she feels she can do all the above and more if a child her age is working to support their family half way across the world.

i have never had a chance to do just test teh waters. i have had to jump in. for instance at 1 dd hated any kind of children's cup and would only drink out of glass 'tumblers'. so i had to get her brandy snifters, champagne glasses, wine glasses and other unique forms of glasses to get her to drink. at 19 months i had to let her cross the room holding her bowl full of milk and cereal and not drop even a drop and watch the light just shine across her face when she realised she could actually do it.

at 2 i had to give her the role of being the parent and me her child so she could show me how she could cross the road. she never ever made a mistake till recently and it was coz she was telling me a story.

[CrazyCatLady]

I love free range! I was a free range kid and it taught me so much. I was so much more independent and responsible that most of my friends when I was a pre-teen/teen.

I have an almost 6 year old with some special needs. She doesn't like me out of her sight too much so free range for us is slow going. Her free range activities include:

-playing in the car by herself when I pump gas or walk up to the atm

-being left in the house all by herself sometimes when I go down to the barn to feed

-When I take ice skating classes I bring her with me and she gets to do whatever she wants by herself/unsupervised for 30min (usually she pretends to play the video games). This one feels huge for some reason, but she knows to ask a worker teen or to skate to me if she needs something.

-she runs through my mom's apartment complex by herself sometimes and likes to stop and poke at bugs, etc.

-staying alone by herself in the theater while I run to the bathroom

[mammal_mama]

meemee and CrazyCatLady,

It is awesome hearing your stories, and I love hearing that you've started this journey with children who are younger than my oldest.

'Cause, I kid you not, my 5yo wanted to go off with my 10yo yesterday on one of her adventures -- but my 10yo said, "No, I really can't take care of you while I'm riding my bike." So she contented herself with playing in the yard and watching for Big Sis to come back.

But I can see the wheels already turning in her little head. She is somewhat less cautious than our 10yo was at age 5. For example, a few weeks ago at the playground she scared me to death. I went to look for her in the equipment because I hadn't seen her for a minute -- and lo and behold she was nowhere on the playground!

I ran around, calling her name in a panic, and then dd1 spotted her across the street with another child, in her yard, but I think they were actually about to head into the house and then I would've had no idea where to look for her. The other little girl had told her, "Come to my house, I'm having a party" -- so off dd went, without a word to me about it.

This hasn't happened again, and of course I talked and talked with her about the importance of her coming straight to me and telling me if someone is asking her to go somewhere with them. But I'm still extra watchful, because I see now that she might be more inclined to get in a car with someone or something.

[mammal_mama]

Well, dd just rode up our street to the busy street four blocks to the north, where she turned right, went one block, and then crossed with a crosswalk light to the other side of the busy street. She was planning to get herself a treat at a little store where we've sometimes stopped while walking to a nearby park.

But the store was empty and there a was a for-rent sign. She didn't realize that it would be okay for her to go to one of the other little stores in that row of businesses, so she rode back home, feeling kind of disappointed at not having bought anything, but too hot and tired to ride all that way a second time.

I suggested that she might enjoy riding two blocks to Sonic, which is on the busy street immediately south of our house. She liked this idea, and rode over, ordered herself some mozzarella sticks and sat at the outdoor table and ate a little, got full and stuffed the rest in her pocket and rode home.

She is also wanting to go grocery shopping on her own at Price Chopper, which is about two miles down the busy street that's immediately south of us. I've suggested that she might prefer taking the bus there. Also, our library is in the same complex where Price Chopper is, and she may like to go there sometimes and use her own library card to check out books.

Pretty soon we are going to start keeping some bus fares on hand, so that we can go out together and practice traveling various places by bus. We have done some bus travel in the past, but never too frequently since it's so much cheaper to just drive the car. I think it's a good idea to help her get more familiar with taking the bus places before she tries this on her own.

When Big Sis rode off today, Little Sis did ask where she was going, and I said, "She's going somewhere on her bike -- let's go play outside so we'll see her when she comes home." And Little Sis was perfectly happy playing in the dirt with a dead butterfly, dead moth, and dead beetle that she found -- just as her sister was happy doing this kind of thing at her age.

So maybe it won't be such an issue that her big sister is getting all this freedom. But you know, it actually occurred to me that, had dd1 been walking the two blocks to Sonic instead of riding her bike, I could have felt okay with the two of them walking to Sonic together and sharing some mozzarella sticks and walking home.

Both are very careful about crossing the street, and Sonic is on our side of the street so they only even cross a couple of sidestreets, not the busy one. But I'm a little shocked that I'm suddenly thinking I could send my 5yo two blocks away to Sonic in the care of her 10yo sister! This is the kind of stuff I used to criticize other parents for doing, and now here I am thinking about it, I must be growing up...