Man, set back after set back. We came home from Nebraska, the next few days went well. She nursed well, my milk must have been well detoxed after 2+ weeks of nothing but turkey/chkn/millet/rice/squash. Last Monday in the middle of the nice I woke up starving, feeling totally depressed an deprived, had no turkey cooked up and ate two big bite of my favorite protein bar (which included whey, casien, soy, egg product, nuts, you name it) in my half asleep-ness. Within hours she was congested and screaming. I felt horrible. It went on all week. I went back to 2100 cal a day of the plain turkey, millet, rice, squash. She was so miserable. I was miserable. Even at 2100 calories of gutting that down, I am 12lb lighter than I was 2.5 wks ago (and I was 5'8" 145lb, muscular then, so not padded enough for a large weight loss). Finally, after talking to the Dr, she said that it takes time for the gut inflammation to subside. At wits end again we are 36 hrs into a 48 hr streak of hyperallergenic formula to calm her gut, me pumping every 2 hrs around the clock to keep up supply. I am exhausted, feel like I am wasting away, feel horrible guilt for giving my baby toxic milk from two bites of a stupid bar, and daunted at the thought of not being able to eat those things long term, when they made up 90% of my diet. After 36 hrs on formula she is SO happy, content, smiling and comfortable. I am doing formula 1 monre day, then will try nursing again and hope my milk is "clean" enough to not hurt her, then over the course of weeks will slowly add back in foods and pray for the strength not to have even the tiniest slip up, because it causes her such misery.
Burnt out. My 2yr old is totally despondent from the screaming this week and effort all of this is taking. I am growing resentful of every meal I make when I am eating unflavored turkey and rice every 2 hours all day.
I never thought that after 6.5yr of nursing two others, that #3 would end up like this.