Please help me get through this!

[boysmom2]

So, we just made the big announcement to our 3 boys at dinner tonight that we will be hsing beginning this fall. Our oldest attended ps through 2nd grade and our middle ds attended preschool last year. Our youngest is only 1, so he just screeched and smeared ketchup in his hair during the discussion. Our 5yo ds seems fine with the plan. Our 8yo screamed, cried, and threatened to run away. He says that we hate him. He has complained about school every single day since kindergarten began, so I had hoped that he might be at least a little bit excited about it. I completely understand that any major change like this is going to be scary, and he's worried about seeing his friends, but it really stinks to see him so upset. I know this is the right choice for us, but man, I wish he wasn't so upset! Any thoughts, advice, btdt?


Thanks!

[Callimom]

Had you talked to them at all about this before or were they surprised?

If you haven't already I think I would try to get in touch with a local support group and find some fun things your kids might be interested in and do some brainstorming around what homeschooling might look like and then call a family meeting and talk about your decision, get his input and understand what his concerns are and then try to address them.

good luck
Karen

[Lillian J]

I wonder if he might have the idea that it's going to be like school at home - in other words, that everything he hates about school is going to be invading the comfort and sanctity of his home, that his mom is going to start acting like a teacher - and any number of other visions he might have of what it would be like, up to and including the one that he won't even have playmates and the excitement of recess or whatever. I'd start going to support group get togethers right away and then bring him to the fun ones where he can see that he'll have playmates. Here's an older post that has links to finding support groups (only the NHEN link in it is no longer working): SUPPORT

You'll want to make sure they have plenty of decompression/deschooling time once fall comes - summer vacation time just doesn't seem to work toward that need: Decompression/Deschooling.

I hope it begins to work out well for you soon - Lillian

[Lillian J]

Just thought of another idea that might help. There's a whole thread here on books about children who homeschool - you might find something there that would help out. Lillian

[boysmom2]

Thanks. It's actually a little better already. We talked some more at bedtime about it and they went to bed pretty happy. This morning he was in a pretty bad mood again, and it eventually came out that he was worried about never seeing a certain friend again. We don't have her phone #, but I told him we could probably figure something out. He has a school friend over right now and is having fun.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Had you talked to them at all about this before or were they surprised?

If you haven't already I think I would try to get in touch with a local support group and find some fun things your kids might be interested in and do some brainstorming around what homeschooling might look like and then call a family meeting and talk about your decision, get his input and understand what his concerns are and then try to address them.

good luck
Karen

We had not discussed it before with them. I had to convince my dh, so I didn't want to tell them until we had decided. We are actually planning to attend a hs park day tomorrow, so hopefully that will go well.

Originally Posted by Lillian J

I wonder if he might have the idea that it's going to be like school at home - in other words, that everything he hates about school is going to be invading the comfort and sanctity of his home, that his mom is going to start acting like a teacher - and any number of other visions he might have of what it would be like, up to and including the one that he won't even have playmates and the excitement of recess or whatever. I'd start going to support group get togethers right away and then bring him to the fun ones where he can see that he'll have playmates. Here's an older post that has links to finding support groups (only the NHEN link in it is no longer working): SUPPORT

You'll want to make sure they have plenty of decompression/deschooling time once fall comes - summer vacation time just doesn't seem to work toward that need: Decompression/Deschooling.

I hope it begins to work out well for you soon - Lillian

Thanks, Lillian. One thing we talked about at bedtime last night were the ways hs can be different and better than school. He did get pretty excited about that. And thanks for the links. I've read some of the decompression stuff, but I need to check it out again. I'm feeling a lot of pressure from dh to really crack the whip with the school work. He means well, he just doesn't know enough. So I think it will be good to remind myself why I don't want to do that.

Thanks!

[AAK]

Originally Posted by boysmom2

I've read some of the decompression stuff, but I need to check it out again. I'm feeling a lot of pressure from dh to really crack the whip with the school work. He means well, he just doesn't know enough. So I think it will be good to remind myself why I don't want to do that.

Thanks!

Decompression is important, but if dh is really reluctant about it, just make sure that the learning you do isn't done like "school". Do more of an unschooling version for a while and incorporate workbooks style stuff as the weather turns, the children ask for it, or it otherwise feel right. You can still report to dh about all the children learned--and not have the children highly regimented.

My kids didn't want the decompression time, but they still needed it. So, we did the above (except we did add some math work early on) and it worked out rather well.

Amy

[confustication]

My dd needed the decompression time in order to be able to HS successfully. In our case, it took about 6 months after the last day of public school she attended (the end of first grade).

[Lillian J]

Here's another thread on the subject of dealing with decompression/deschooling:
Trying to trust the process..decompression, unschooling, finding a balance..

I think you might be surprised at all the things you'll be able to share with your husband about what they're learning.
Lillian

[Dakota's Mom]

I think that once he starts making friends in the homeschool group things will get better. Also I would make a real effort to try to reach the friend he is missing. Keep things as fun and entertaining for him as you can for a while. And follow his lead about what he wants to learn about. Does he like dinosaurs, get every book the library has about them. Does he like legos? There is actually a great curriculum using legos that I have recently found. In fact our homeschool group is going to do it as a coop. It's only a few lessons, but she also has a lapbook on astronauts. And links to a ton of other lapbooks.

Keep him interested and the learning will happen.

Kathi

[boysmom2]

Thanks so much everybody! This is exactly the reassurance I needed! And I love the Lego idea! We are seriously Lego obsessed here lately!

Thanks!

[Dakota's Mom]

I found another website yesterday that has a monthly lego challenge. After the challenge, they post pictures of what kids have designed to fit the challenge. They are taking the month of August off. But I know we will be haunting them in September.

Kathi

[boysmom2]

Awesome!