"All Kids Do That"-But Do They? Vent

[ramama]

A neighborhood kid stole one of DD1's toys today (actually, it was several mini toy dinosaurs frozen in a huge block of ice LOL) and when I went to speak to her mother to get the toys back, she said "Sorry! All kids do that!" in a totally nonchalant way. And I stand there with my mouth agape. MY kids don't do that, I never did that as a kid, what is she talking about! Her child STOLE (and not the first time) my kid's toy and she laughs it off and says all kids do that? WTF?

So, my question is, DO all kids do that? Or a lot of kids? Is stealing another child's toys normal? Geez, I hope not! My DD1 is 6.5 and this other girl is about the same age.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by ramama

A neighborhood kid stole one of DD1's toys today (actually, it was several mini toy dinosaurs frozen in a huge block of ice LOL) and when I went to speak to her mother to get the toys back, she said "Sorry! All kids do that!" in a totally nonchalant way. And I stand there with my mouth agape. MY kids don't do that, I never did that as a kid, what is she talking about! Her child STOLE (and not the first time) my kid's toy and she laughs it off and says all kids do that? WTF?

So, my question is, DO all kids do that? Or a lot of kids? Is stealing another child's toys normal? Geez, I hope not! My DD1 is 6.5 and this other girl is about the same age.

Well, I think yeah, a lot of kids do that at some point or another, perhaps even multiple times. They may or may not realize it's wrong or just how wrong it actually is, particularly the first few times. Or there may be misunderstandings between the children "she said I could have it!" Or they don't realize that they even brought the toys home. Not saying that's exactly what happened in your case, I think a mistake would be hard to make about a block of ice But any of those things could result in one kid taking another kid's toys home.

However, just because it's common, that doesn't excuse any child from being punished or having any consequences when it happens. Nor does excuse the mom from apologizing or returning the toys. She did return them at least, right?

[RiverSky]

I don't think it's common for 6 year olds AT ALL. For 2 or 3 or 4 year olds, probably not that uncommon, but not 6 year olds.

[Sharlla]

yeah seth tried to sneak off with his cousins car just the other day
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[ramama]

Thanks ladies! I was just soooo baffled by all this, and by the mother's dismissive response. She really acted like it was no big deal, not a problem that should be bothersome at all.

I just thought that this kind of stuff was reserved for kids about 3 years of age. I just thought that 6yos should know better.

Yes, the mother did give the toys back. She even said that her daughter tried to say that Riley gave it to her, but she didn't believe her, and I'm standing there scratching my head as to why the mother didn't return it, or have her daughter return it if she knew, or at least strongly suspected, that they were stolen.

I know it's stupid, but I'm quite discouraged by all this, but at the same time VERY grateful for the handful of kids here that have been really true friends to my DDs. Kind of strange!

And a huge block of ice with frozen dinosaurs in it probably not the best thing to try to steal. The full ridiculousness of it just fully hit me, and I'm laughing pretty hard right now LOL!

[akwifeandmomma]

OK, explain the frozen blockosaurusesess...

[ramama]

Originally Posted by akwifeandmomma

OK, explain the frozen blockosaurusesess...

Believe me, if I could explain this oldest child of mine, I would LOL! She's, how shall I say it? Eccentric? That's am understatement. I think freezing small dinosaurs in a huge block of ice, and then getting them out, was as close as she could come to pretending to be an archaeologist (not paleontologist, trust me, don't make that suggestion!), which is her career choice at the moment.

[akwifeandmomma]

Originally Posted by ramama

Believe me, if I could explain this oldest child of mine, I would LOL! She's, how shall I say it? Eccentric? That's am understatement. I think freezing small dinosaurs in a huge block of ice, and then getting them out, was as close as she could come to pretending to be an archaeologist (not paleontologist, trust me, don't make that suggestion!), which is her career choice at the moment.

I love it! She sounds like tons of fun.

[AllisonR]

Maybe the mom felt awkward and was trying to rationalize it a bit by saying "All kids do this sometimes" as opposed to "Some kids do this", which imo is more accurate. Sort of like "kids will be kids", just a way to excuse behavior. I would think this is often unconscious though. I don't think the parent necessarily was consciously trying to rationalize her kids behavior. Maybe this is just one of those things that is not on her radar or on her "to die for" list, but it is on yours? I think sometimes I might say "All" when if I thought a little harder, "some" would be more accurate.

I also was going to post that my nearly 6 yo would not steal, but on second thought, I think it depends upon what. For example, if a small sticker or glittery object was on the floor, 50% he might just take it, 50% he might pick it up then ask me if he can take it. However, if it is something he knows belongs to another person, even if it is a small thing, he will say "this is so-and-so's, and would never take it, but put it back in their box. And he would never take a large object that obviously belongs to someone else, even if he did not know whom it belongs to. Though he may play with it for a minute or two before putting it back. Again, 50% just playing with it, 50% asking me if he can play with it.

[avendesora]

I read recently that it's a common stage for six yr olds to go through - to steal. It'll be done by 7, generally. Just because your child 'knows better' now, doesn't mean she'll still know better in the future

Aven

[Happeesupermom]

She'll only "know better" if the parent(s) tell her it's wrong to take something that belongs to someone else.

[Lil'M]

Many kids may do it, but it is up to parents to use the event to teach their kids that it is wrong. And acting nonchalant about it would bother me too. I had a friend once whose kids were ganging up on my kid. When she was told about it, her response was: "yeah, they're going through a mean phase." There was no other attempt to deal with the situation at the time, and although maybe she dealt with it later in private, I was disturbed by her attitude and we distanced ourselves after that.

Kids have many inpulses to do bad behavior, and unless they are taught how to behave, it WILL be "normal" for them. But not ok, IMO.

[ChristyMarie]

Did she carry the block of ice home? Didn't that hurt her hands???

[laohaire]

I don't think it's unusual at all for small children to steal (or try to).

What's unusual is a parent just laughing it off and doing nothing.

That then, of course, leads to an older child continuing behavior that is usually stopped or at least greatly inhibited by age 4 or 5.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by ramama

Yes, the mother did give the toys back. She even said that her daughter tried to say that Riley gave it to her, but she didn't believe her, and I'm standing there scratching my head as to why the mother didn't return it, or have her daughter return it if she knew, or at least strongly suspected, that they were stolen.

Maybe she was busy. If I realized my kids took something, I wouldn't run over immediately to return it. I may call to let you know if I thought you might go looking for it, but it wouldn't be my #1 priority. My kids haven't taken things, but various toys have ended up in our backpacks after visits to friends, and the same has happened with our toys. We all just return them when we see each other. I suppose I'd have a bit more urgency if it were "stealing," but as I said, I wouldn't drop everything to return it.

[mommy2maya]

It's also not uncommon for the owner of the toys to say that the friend stole them if she is then upset about not having them anymore, or the parent gets angry that they are gone. along with the mom saying your child said that her child could have the toys, that is the direction I would go in. I really don't think it's such a big deal at all tho- I'd make sure my child knew that we don't give away our toys and that we don't take others toys.

If it was a 10yo who stole my kids bike, in malice, then I'd be upset. If there was no malice and with younger kids, other mom handled it well, eh, I don't get upset.

Silly bands are huge here- the kids all have tons, and trade them and whatnot. My son, 6 at the time, traded another kid a silly band, then about an hour later, decided he changed his mind. He htought the other kid should give it back, since it was his to begin with. Other kid said, no way- we traded, fair and square, not trading back. My son was very upset, but, we used it as a very good lesson, now he only trades if he is sure he wants to. Anyway, all this to say, that at that age, it wouldn't concern me and I would probably act similarly to the other mom.

[Needle in the Hay]

One time when I was watching my neighbors' kids the younger girl who was close to 7 yrs old took an Aladdin magnet off of our fridge. I had noticed it was gone but didn't know what had happened until I saw it on the neighbors' fridge. She was a good kid otherwise, who knows why she decided to do that? I didn't say anything since it didn't seem all that important. Part of me wanted to steal it back though--it was a gift from my little sister when she was 7 or 8 years old.

I do think it's fairly normal, but if I were faced with that I would have apologized rather than laugh it off. I wouldn't have punished my child, but we would have talked about it. As it was my son never did that, but some kids do and it's not because they're little thugs.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by ramama

Believe me, if I could explain this oldest child of mine, I would LOL! She's, how shall I say it? Eccentric? That's am understatement. I think freezing small dinosaurs in a huge block of ice, and then getting them out, was as close as she could come to pretending to be an archaeologist (not paleontologist, trust me, don't make that suggestion!), which is her career choice at the moment.

If she wants to be an archeologist, you could get a piece of ceramic at the thriftstore, break it, and bury the pieces in your yard (in one area) then she could dig up the sherds, put them together and decide what the "ancient peoples" used it for. You can find some really wacky stuff at the thrift store, like trays divided up for dips.

Seriously, if she's not a paleontologist, it's sad that she's stuck with dinosaurs.

[midnightwriter]

I'm not sure if most kids do this, I wouldn't call this stealing yet. Stealing implies a malicious intent. Some kids at this age don't fully understand the concept of personal property. Seems like a misunderstanding between the kids. I think such misunderstandings are incredibly common.

If it was my kid, I would certainly apologize. I would not punish my kids, though. I'd talk to them about it--we often do anyway. On the other hand, if it was my friend's child who took the toys, and I needed them back, I WOULD laugh it off as not a big deal.

Also, a child who looks about 6.5 could be only 5.5 or even 5, and in a very different stage.

[karemore]

No. All kids do not do that.

I would have been shocked by the mother's reaction too.