overnight visitation

[chatsalot]

So my STBXH and I went before a hearing officer and they granted him overnight visitation with our 15 month old daughter. Problem is, STBXH has been around her alone, her entire life, for only 3 hours. This is of his own choosing. Now that i filed for divorce, he is claiming to be father of the year.
On top of that STBXH is planning a huge birthday party, and I am certain there will be drinking involved while he has her for this visitation. He is an alcoholic but will never admit that. He lives out of State and will be coming in to take her overnight. I have no idea where he plans for her to sleep and he will not disclose it to me.

He has had 2 visits with her after the hearing and both times she came back hungry, dirty and with scratches. Both times, he did not have anything for her, diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. He expected me to provide everything. Both times her schedule was also completely thrown off. Her behavior has been different already with these 2 visits, she is not the same child and is now waking in the night yelling frantically "momma".
He has no clue how to be a dad or care for this little girl. No to mention his laptop has been seized by the state police because I found incest pornography on it and brought it to their attention.

He has to undergo a psychological evaluation but he keeps putting the evaluator off (she has told me this). I believe he is doing this to try and gain some knowledge of DD so he seems like he knows her and is a parent to her to pass the evaluation.

Is there any way for me to stop this before he takes her overnight?

I have no idea how a hearing officer can think it is in a child's best interest to all of a sudden upset her life and introduce a person to her in such an abrupt manner. I left STBXH because he was physically violent with me and I have a protection order for both me and my daughter against him. The hearing officer still granted him unsupervised overnight visitations.

I just keep asking myself how did this happen??

[Halfasianmomma]

I'd really recommend hiring a lawyer asap, because you'll need to file for some kind of emergency measures to prevent an overnight visitation.

Is there a documented trail of your STBX's alcoholism (DUIs, time in jail, testimony of friends and family, bank statements showing alcohol purchase)? It's tricky with alcohol because booze itself is not illegal, neither is it illegal to drink. The courts only care about alcohol consumption as it impairs parenting. In my case, my XH drank + took sleeping pills, so he was out like a light, which is why he never woke up when I would scream at him to get up to help me with DD. Having DD in bed was out because he could easily roll on top of her and not wake up.

Whatever the case may be, you need to start documenting everything that's happened between you and STBX, the amount of parenting he's done, in what circumstances, etc, with times and dates if you can remember. Also document all and any interaction you have with him now, in a point form journal format, and try to keep interaction to email only, since it's easier to keep records of emails. This journal could come in real handy later on.

Also, was there any abuse?

[JunipersMom]

In my state - unless he is abusive you have no choice. The court will order that he is a parent and can have overnights. You 'might' get by since he is out of state - but you'll have to talk to a lawyer. I've been speaking with my ex directly and pleading to his reasonable side (its deep deep in there) has so far worked to ease my two children into more time with him. It appears to be working because he left when my youngest was three months (he's now 2) and still isnt to overnights with either of them and everyone seems pretty happy with it so far. I'm sure the time will come when he will ask for more time (maybe not though) but so far I'm pleased its working as it is.

[chatsalot]

I do have an attorney that's the scary part! I am interviewing alternate counsel as I do not know what has happened but he is definitely not fighting for me or my daughter right now.

Yes, there is a long history of abuse with me, but it is my understanding that they dismiss that for the children. I have stacks of police reports and protection orders.

[chatsalot]

he is hell bent on getting visitation and LOTS of it, he doesn't want to "ease" into anything. That's the main problem here. He is overlooking what is in her best interest. i believe this sudden rush to get to know his daughter is stemming from the fact that he will be evaluated, and he is trying to build some sort of a bind and knowledge about her quickly so he can pretend to be a dad when he hasn't all this time.