Feeding other people's kids - Page 3

[Parker'smommy]

If we invite someone over for a formal "playdate" - NOT a neighborhood friend then I provide food for the kids. BUT...neighborhood kids go home for lunch and snacks. I'm sorry. We can't afford to feed the neighborhood. I go and get my kids from other neighbor's homes at lunch and tell them to come home if they want a snack. I don't feel that anyone is under any obligation to feed my kid. That's my job. And really, I'd rather provide the food for my kids so I know what they are eating. I wouldn't feel bad about sending a child home for lunch or a snack.

[Ceinwen]

I have an open fridge policy at my place - kids can have what they want, when they want (we only stock healthy snacks, so junk isn't an issue).

Having said that, I've never had an issue with my kids and/or their friends going overboard. I would not have an issue putting my foot down if I felt it was out of control.

Also, I'd like to point out that not everyone can afford free range grazing like that. Some people have a very strict grocery budget. I'm lucky that I'm in a position to allow this.

[bartleby]

Originally Posted by Jaxinator

If the other little girl keeps kosher then why is she not bringing her own food? I'm really surprised at that. I understand a whole piece of fruit, but anything that needs to be cut or poured into a glass or put on a plate or anything like that is no longer kosher.
I would ask the mom to provide food.

We live in a neighborhood with a lot of Jewish families, many Orthodox. (Three synagogues within walking distance.) Mind you, I know next to nothing about kosher rules (we are not Jewish), but from the families we know there seems to be a range of what keeping kosher means. Our next-door neighbors with two boys my daughter sometimes plays with basically cannot eat anything at our house but fresh fruit, and cannot use our plates. However, we know other families who eat foods that are labeled kosher but do not seem to abide by rules regarding plates and foods consumed at other people's houses. My daughter's friend seems to be of the latter, as her mother is aware that she eats here, but has not conveyed to me any specific guidelines. The girl herself is the one who looks for the kosher label on everything, so that's what I go by when she is here.

[bartleby]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

These two things make me think this is less about food and more about behavior, pushing boundaries and seeing what she can get away with. And possibly a little showing off in front of your DD.

I think all snacks and rude behavior need to be met with a "time for you to leave" message to give you all a break. Your DD does not need to see someone behaving that way and getting positive results from it and you certainly do not need that type of behavior in your home on a daily basis.

Yes, I agree. I think the title of the thread should be "Setting limits with neighborhood children" since that is really the issue here. Not just food.

This morning, the girl rang our doorbell at 9:30 (usually she doesn't do so until after 11:00). She came in and immediately asked if she could have ice cream. My current method of responding to her is to do away with any explanations, and just give a firm but cheerful "No" and then move on. I keep trying the more involved "that's not how we do things here" approach, and she doesn't seem to remember from day to day that I always say no!

I suppose that with the sassy talk I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's parroting something from a TV show? (Likely, I think. We are not a TV-watching family; she does watch TV.) Maybe it's one of those things that's become sort of a verbal tic? My daughter has had things like this--words/phrases I keep correcting, but sometimes it just slips out anyway due to habit. I'm torn on showing her the door based on a rude remark. I don't know. She's only 7, I and maybe hasn't had much of a chance to learn what is acceptable? Maybe I'm cutting her too much slack. But given that I'm reaching my irritation limit with certain behaviors--and after considering the advice on this thread--I think I will need to be firmer and more direct. I need to step out of my too-polite box here. I feel enough like a doormat already.

[One_Girl]

My dd's friends are like this. I don't know if they just like to try new things or they like my lax rules about food. I have treats and crackers in the house that I rarely limit because my dd and I rarely have a treat or cracker problem. At first I was fine with the kids eating, then I limited it to just crackers. Eventually I got tired of paying for several children I didn't birth to glut themselves on our treats. I found that if I only offered fruit or veggies (whichever I had extra of) the kids only ate if they were truly hungry. If they needed more than a serving of fruit or veggie I told them we should call their mom to feed them. I rarely had any takers for snack after that.

[bartleby]

Yes. I keep sweet and snacky treats around too, and my daughter has shown herself to be good at self-regulating re: sugar in particular. So my daughter usually asks if she can have a cookie/lollipop/piece of chocolate, and the answer is almost always yes. (She can eat dessert in the middle of a meal, and still want to finish her meal.) So, Friend sees my daughter help herself to something and decides to follow suit and/or bug me about it endlessly. So what I might normally allow my daughter, I feel I have to set limits on when Friend is around, otherwise Friend will take generous advantage of it.

[Lisa1970]

I don't allow children to get in to food at my home. If they are there at a snack time or meal time, I serve a healthy snack or meal. I had to tell one child no more because he was always at our house and tearing through it and it stressed me too much. When I sent him away, I found out his mother was not even home and I had been a free babysitter for weeks. That friendship ended. He was a nice boy, but I resent having been taken so advantage of. I was quite pregnant at the time and started having horrible headaches from it. I could not rest of anything because he was always inside our house. He never went outside, ever.

Anyway, I do not feed the neighbors. Unless I offer first of course.

[Owen'nZoe]

I've had this problem in the past with some neighbors. Sweet girls, but they were always at my house, and always hungry. And half the time I'd give them something to eat, they'd eat a bite, and then declare it 'yucky' and waste the rest. And if I offered crackers and they happened to see cookies in the pantry when I got the crackers out, they'd start pestering me for cookies. Drove me insane!

We ended up setting up a few rules. Children (including my own when friends are around) can no longer scavenge the kitchen for food. Only healthy snacks - with one exception...I buy those flavor ice popcicles for when friends are over because they are cheap and the neighbor kids like them. My kids have real fruit popcicles (which the neighbor kids won't eat, so it all works out). Most of the time, treats are apple slices in a (communal) bowl or a bowl of crackers - so we don't have as much waste.

Once, the girls came over and asked the minute they walked in the door if they could have a popcicle. I laughed and told them yes, but if they showed up on my door again asking for food, I might think they were just using us to get popcicles, and not actually our friends. They never asked at the door again, and started asking for treats at our house less.