How do you find "the lead"?

[Triniity]

Hi there.
My DD is in preschool/kindergarten (not sure which one comes first) she is four years old and I am working full time.

I want to do some extra stuff with her. There is no teaching in her preschool, (not that I know of anyway) but I´d like to do some "unschooling" with her.
Now, here is the big "but" I have no idea how to start. She is not really saying things like: I wish I knew more about ... (stars, ships, animals) So I am kind of lost.

She is interested in fairies and princesses (who would have thought ) but I don´t know how to use this. Or even if I should just leave her alone with learning stuff. I just ordered the "usborne book of experiments" so we can do some stuff together.

How did you do it?

[physmom]

We have a similar situation in that DD is in daycare during the days (also totally unstructured, which is exactly what we wanted) and we do unschooling on the side.

In your case, I'd incorporate fairies and princesses as much as possible into her life. You could get books on them at the library. I'm not sure how handy you are at sewing but maybe she could help you make a fairy/princess outfit for her or one of her dolls? You could suggest that she makes up stories orally on a tape recorder about fairies/princesses. You could also get color books or construction paper and make them or color in pictures of them. DD actually has this book (it's in German, though) that has a story on one side and a puzzle with fairies on the other side that you can pop out. She really loves it and it's great for her fine motor skills. Do you have any museums locally that have paintings of royalty in them? She might like that too... It's a pretty broad field and there's a lot to work with there!

Maybe try and pick up some books at the library and leave them out for her too.

We've tried to run with DD's interests as much as possible. She's currently mostly interested in things that go (airplanes, helicopters, trains etc.). We've gotten books and she's ridden on a lot of them. She also has megablocks and we'll build trains out of them, for instance. We also plan on getting her a bike in the near future. We've also gotten youtube videos about helicopters etc.

HTH!

ETA: DD also has a book of princess paper dolls, which have been a HUGE hit, but that'S something you two could also make yourselves!

[Callimom]

We use community resources and life events as a starting point. So if we are going to an outdoor concert we might read about the orchestra or about the style of music we will be hearing. If a friend is travelling we might read about the area they are visiting in anticipation of getting postcards. We might celebrate the birthday of a famous person.

For preschoolers think it is all about exposure to new things.

good luck
Karen

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by Triniity

... but I´d like to do some "unschooling" with her.

I don't think you "do unschooling" at least, not in the way you'd "do Waldorf" or any other method. Unschooling isn't a method so much as it is a philosophy about how people learn. If you believe that people have a natural drive to learn and that they'll be drawn to learn whatever it is they need to learn at a given time, then there really isn't much for you (as the parent) to do other than provide opportunities and stay out of the way.

She is interested in fairies and princesses (who would have thought ) but I don´t know how to use this. Or even if I should just leave her alone with learning stuff.

I would leave her alone with learning stuff. Learning will happen, you don't need to orchestrate it. Supporting her interests is what I'd do. Since she likes fairies and princesses, I would offer her books with stories about fairies and princesses. Does she like arts and crafts? Maybe ask if she'd like to make fairy houses out of found objects? Does she like to play dress-up? Could you get or make flower chains or wings? Would she build sand castles or castles out of boxes? Are there movies with these themes that she might like to watch or maybe a children's community theater performance that includes princesses?

I'd make things available to her but not with an agenda that she learn "x." And if she wasn't interested in an idea, I'd drop it and listen to her. Follow her lead and see where it takes her. I think that just about any interest can lead just about anywhere--it may look like she's "only" playing now and that's perfectly fine.

[Piglet68]

[Triniity]

Hi there,

thanks for all the suggestions, it´s really helpfull for me!

@sagmom: my mother tongue is not english, so it´s kind of difficult to get the right words. I totally agree with you, and I don´t want to teach her something that she is not interested in. It´s just that I want to do some learning activities together with her, like having learning experiences together, but I am just not sure in how to do this.

I heard from parents that the kids say something like: I want to know what a dinosaur would eat for dinner. Than you can look into them a little bit more. YKWM?

She does not really do this. But than, we come home after a long day, and she is tired, and we play and read and puzzle and draw together. Maybe that is just enough. I just don´t want to "miss" her lead. In a way. It´s not that obvious.

It´s really difficult to explain.

thanks for all the suggestions, anyway, I am going to try to be more relaxed...

[midnightwriter]

Originally Posted by Triniity

But than, we come home after a long day, and she is tired, and we play and read and puzzle and draw together. Maybe that is just enough. I just don´t want to "miss" her lead. In a way. It´s not that obvious.

Maybe that's her lead at this time? Her interests might not be educational in nature. After a long day she might not want to engage in new projects, but she might want to just relax and reconnect with you. That's a very valid interest! She is only 4, all the learning she needs to do is already happening, without any teaching.

Also, not everyone at 4 has explicit interests. If you read books on various subjects, one of them might spark more interest, or it might not. If you take her different places, something that she sees might spark an interest. Or not yet. Then you will know.

Then again, it is easy to overdo. If she asks you what do dinosaurs eat for dinner, and you get her every book on dinosaurs your library has, it could be the last dinosaur question she asked!

Unschooling is not what you teach your child when your child is out of school. It is philosophy of learning / living.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by Triniity

@sagmom: my mother tongue is not english, so it´s kind of difficult to get the right words.

I would not have guessed that by your writing. I was just trying to convey that unschooling doesn't have an exact "how to" like some other methods do, kwim?

I heard from parents that the kids say something like: I want to know what a dinosaur would eat for dinner. Than you can look into them a little bit more. YKWM?

Sometimes it happens like that. But I think they also pick things up in less obvious ways. It was amazing to me how much they absorb just through play and conversation, reading and observation.

I agree with midnightwriter on this:

After a long day she might not want to engage in new projects, but she might want to just relax and reconnect with you. That's a very valid interest!

Do you plan to have her continue in school? When my ds was in school we found he had very little time or energy to devote to activities after school. He was tired, he wanted to relax and reconnect with us, and there was always homework and studying. (He attended until 3rd grade.) I don't think one can really see how unschooling works on an after-school schedule. I think that having time and freedom are critical components. Not that you can't do fun things with your child after school and on weekends, but I don't think you can expect to see it play out the way you read about with kids who are not in school.

[cottonwood]

In total agreement with SagMom and midnightwriter

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by SagMom

I don't think you "do unschooling" at least, not in the way you'd "do Waldorf" or any other method. Unschooling isn't a method so much as it is a philosophy about how people learn. If you believe that people have a natural drive to learn and that they'll be drawn to learn whatever it is they need to learn at a given time, then there really isn't much for you (as the parent) to do other than provide opportunities and stay out of the way.

I would leave her alone with learning stuff. Learning will happen, you don't need to orchestrate it. Supporting her interests is what I'd do. Since she likes fairies and princesses, I would offer her books with stories about fairies and princesses. Does she like arts and crafts? Maybe ask if she'd like to make fairy houses out of found objects? Does she like to play dress-up? Could you get or make flower chains or wings? Would she build sand castles or castles out of boxes? Are there movies with these themes that she might like to watch or maybe a children's community theater performance that includes princesses?

I'd make things available to her but not with an agenda that she learn "x." And if she wasn't interested in an idea, I'd drop it and listen to her. Follow her lead and see where it takes her. I think that just about any interest can lead just about anywhere--it may look like she's "only" playing now and that's perfectly fine.

And you know she likes fairies and princesses, so if you want to follow her lead, there's a whole world or two there that she's obviously interested in and learning about in an imaginative way. And developing the imagination is more important than all the rest - that's the thing that will carry her through learning about the rest of life and the wider world. There will be things like that all along the way, and the trick is to notice and take them seriously, but no more "seriously" than she does. Those things are meaningful to her right now, and at the age of 4, there's nothing she needs to be more interested in. She has many years ahead of her for learning anything she's going to need in her adult life, so there's nothing more important about any given subject at this very early point.
Lillian, on the run...

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by midnightwriter

Maybe that's her lead at this time? Her interests might not be educational in nature. After a long day she might not want to engage in new projects, but she might want to just relax and reconnect with you. That's a very valid interest! She is only 4, all the learning she needs to do is already happening, without any teaching.

Also, not everyone at 4 has explicit interests. If you read books on various subjects, one of them might spark more interest, or it might not. If you take her different places, something that she sees might spark an interest. Or not yet. Then you will know.

Then again, it is easy to overdo. If she asks you what do dinosaurs eat for dinner, and you get her every book on dinosaurs your library has, it could be the last dinosaur question she asked!

Unschooling is not what you teach your child when your child is out of school. It is philosophy of learning / living.

Beautifully said.

[Stacey B]

I write stuff down that my ds 4 asks. After a while you might see a trend, like wanting to know how some cooking is done, or what happens when you go food shopping. Then when you get in those situations again you can be more aware of what she is interested in. As her interests grow the journal can help keep track of all different sorts of questions asked and ideas you get about how to help support the learning. I found this post to be really helpful.

[Triniity]

Thank you all for the great answers! You are so very helpfull!

I am working full time, therefor there is no chance of taking dd out of school. And it is not legal here, anyway. But she is still in daycare/Kindergarten (I am not sure what the difference is ) - and they don´t do much of academics, which I appreciate.

Thanks for the tip with the dinos, I probably would have done something like that. .

We do this fairy stuff a lot. I probably could write a book about "how to raise your child with the help of fairies" - wouldn´t that be nice? We have toy fairies who are allowed to take every toy lying on the floor after bedtime, therefor it is really important to clean up after playtime and I don´t have to say anything about it. (I don´t know where they live, therefor I can´t get the stuff back, but occasionally we write a letter to them - and normally they bring it back )

Need to go to work now, I´ll continue later.

[skueppers]

I found that when my daughter was 4, she was most likely to ask questions I enjoyed answering about the world around us when we went to museums, zoos, etc.

But she may just be in a stage of life where she is absorbing information about the things she encounters without generating questions. The questions will surely come soon enough!

[rockportmama]

Originally Posted by Triniity

She is not really saying things like: I wish I knew more about ... (stars, ships, animals) So I am kind of lost.

Have you tried modeling this behaviour for her? Sharing with her when you're interested in new things and how you find out about them? That might be enough to get her started.

[Triniity]

I am going to try that. Modelling. Good idea!

Unfortunately we live in area without that much museums, none for children. And the zoo not that great (the one before last on a ranking of 100 zoos). I´ll try to find some cool activities, though

[JuniperBCN]

In our house a lot of questions come out while I'm flipping through National Geographic, reading blogs with cool pictures. I also tend to pick up coffee-table sorts of books from the library (big, beautiful pictures) and look through them... if I see something cool, I comment, the kids (2 and 4 yo) are sometimes interested and want to know more and sometimes don't. When we go for walks I stop and look at the stuff I'm interested in and also stop for the stuff they're interested in. I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't really need museums and stuff for that kind of modeling to happen.

Oh and we have a blast making fairy houses around the neighbourhood and yard! There are some cool stories about them

[Lillian J]

On the run, but I just thought of this. Fabulous book. I got one for myself, but recently read it to and shared hunting through the popup pages with my 6 yr. old neighbor boy who loved it. Lots to talk about and observe, although I would try to just let it speak for itself with her imagination:

How to Find Flower Fairies. There's a whole series - you can see them on its Amazon page.
Lillian

[Nani]

Wenn Du willst, kannst Du mir ja emailen!
My dd1 used to go to preschool (here in the US most kids go to preschool from age 2.9-5, then they go to "Kindergarten" for only one year, followed by first grade and so on, whereas in Germany kids go to Kindergarten from ages 3-6, then off to first grade).
When my dd1 was in preschool she would come home in the afternoon, lay in her bed sucking her thumb until dinner time. She was over stimulated, fearful, and practically depressed. She wasn't all that interested in many things and she had started building a protective wall around herself.One day I asked her what SHE really wanted to do with her days, opening the doors to whatever needed to happen to heal her heart, and follow her lead. She wanted to become an unschooler, be home with me ad our younger dd and do all kinds of fun excursions. She has never looked back
That moment started our transition and it changed our lives dramatically, she is now a very enthusiastic, healthy, vibrant and deeply happy child.

Do what you can and what your dd finds comfortable in finding what sparks her interest and passions, even if unschooling isn't legal where you are. Or work on making it legal!! (Kennst Du ja, legal, illegal, sch...egal! )

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Triniity

I am going to try that. Modelling. Good idea!

Unfortunately we live in area without that much museums, none for children. And the zoo not that great (the one before last on a ranking of 100 zoos). I´ll try to find some cool activities, though

And if the only modeling you're able to do is being curious and wondering about things, that in itself will carry her a long way. It doesn't matter whether she fills her head with facts, but whether she develops a tendency to wonder about things. And her interest in fairies and princesses is already moving her into imaginative realms where that kind of thing has food for development. Lillian