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Other Half's weight. HELP!!!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Hey all. I have a question for those of you who have been worried about your other half's weight.

OH is pretty heavy. I'm not sure exactly how much he weighs because he refuses to step on a scale. Not even on his own. But I suspect he's in the mid-upper 200 lb area. He won't diet, I have to fight to get him to take a walk with me just once (something he promised me he'd do all summer!!) and won't exercise with me when I do (i'm not a huge fitness buff but I like to keep my bubble butt in check sometimes. He says he would go if he joined a gym but we can't afford anything (we're on partial benefits and food stamps). I keep trying to buy healthy and cook healthy but I'm a terrible cook and only know how to fry some things.

That is another thing. He's a super-picky eater. No salads, loves burgers (every time we go out it's always a steak and a coke or a burger and a coke). HIs portions are too big and he refuses to eat smaller ones (if he does he'll turn around and eat again before I even have the dishes put away!)

I've told him that I am concerned. That I want us both to get healthier. I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do. I love him to death and I don't want to hurt his feeling but this isn't healthy, you know? Any ideas? Please? I'm desperate.
post #2 of 16
I don't know that there is much you can do if he doesn't want to deal with the issue. However, you said he would work out at a gym if you could afford one. Have you looked into the YMCA? They have memberships for low income people which may cost little or nothing for you. If you are on assistance, surely you would qualify. We go to the Y and they have a great facility with childcare included and they have family oriented activities.

Good luck.
post #3 of 16
The YMCA offers reduced cost and free memberships to people who are lower income. I would recommend going in and finding out what kind of a discount you can get with what your income is.

... oops. Didn't read the post above mine.
post #4 of 16
well if he likes meat maybe hell be wlling to do low carb. dh could lose 20 lbs and i meantioned heart disease and he agreed to do hcg with
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post #5 of 16
Originally Posted by sleepingbeauty View Post
I've told him that I am concerned. That I want us both to get healthier.
He and my DH would get along GREAT!

Focus on yourself and get healthy yourself. My DH didn't start caring about his weight or fitness level until after I made lifetime at WW. Start eating right, start moving, get your extra weight off.

Learn to cook. I really like the Weight Watchers Complete Cookbook. They sell it everywhere -- I've even seen it in Target. It has very clear directions and helpful hints. Learning to cook from scratch is cheaper that buying processed foods or eating out.

Shop the sells, and stock up a bit when meat is on sale. Whole chicken go on sale $.59 a pound ($2.50 for a nice big one!) and I can make several healthy meals out of one chicken.

He may come along for the ride, or he may not. You only have control over yourself. But make nice healthy meals and get out and go for a walk. Check out exercise DVDs from the library. There really are things you can do that are cheap or free.

My DH has now lost from 330 to 290 and walks. He eats reasonable portions. He's trying. He messes up a lot (because food is his drug of choice) but he is at least trying.

He didn't start trying until I got to a healthy weight.

BTW, the amount of food that a large man can eat and lose weight is staggering. We do weight watchers, and people get anywhere from 18-44 points per day. I get 22 points a day. When my DH started, he got 44 points a day and lost weight on that!!! Twice as much food as me!

He's now down to 39 points a day (part of how many points one gets is based on current weight) but the amount of food that he *needs* is so much greater than the amount of food that I can eat lose or maintain that without figuring out the points, I would really underfeed him if I were trying to get him to lose.
post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 
I think I need to clarify something else too. I am 5'7" and I weigh 128 lbs. We both lost a lot of weight before we got on food stamps (starvation sucks, btw). Great for him, not so good for me.

I promised that we would do everything together--that he won't be alone in this. But I have to figure out a way to cook for him to loose and me to maintain/gain. What a mess!

I looked into my local Y. Sent them an email asking how to get started with proving my serious lack of financial freedom. Hopefully they will get back to us soon.

OH is a waaaay picky eater so that's not helping the situation at all. He would rather NOT eat or substitute EVERY meal with a Slim Fast or something like that than eat "real" food only sometimes. He's got this really warped idea of this and I don't know how to convince him that it isn't all cardboard and water from here on in.

Thanks for your help so far! It's really good advise!
post #7 of 16
OK, I misunderstood your first post.

I still think you need to learn to cook. Not knowing how to cook is expensive and unhealthy. There is a lot of room between burgers and salads. Last night we had tamale pie made from ground turkey, loaded with vegies, and topped with low fat cheese. Very yummy, very healthy, and pretty cheap since I shop sales.
post #8 of 16
You may have to take the route of telling him of all the awful things he is doing with his bad habits. Ask him if he wants to be around for the kids in 10 years. Tell him YOU are concerned about his health. It's not about hurting his feelings. (I know I would rather hurt someone's feelings with the truth than see them in the hospital because of bad choices.)
post #9 of 16
Honestly, there's nothing you can do about it. This is who he is. You can either choose to accept him, or not. Getting on his case is not going to do you, him, or your relationship any good - and it's likely to push you apart. Cook healthy food, excercise and invite him along, etc - but don't push it. It won't help.
post #10 of 16
I would like to clarify.....when I say to talk to him, I don't mean "get on his case". You definitely don't him to feel that way. But if you are concerned, it's always important to talk to your significant other. Keeping it in won't help the situation any more than talking to him.
post #11 of 16
Thread Starter 
OH surprised me over the past day or so. He's much more open to working on it! We sat down (well, laid on the bed anyway) and discussed it. I just said that I wanted us both to get healthier (eat right, take walks, etc) so we can be around, and together, longer. It was heartbreaking to watch him realize exactly how bad it had gotten. It just sort of clicked with him I think. His face made me want to cry--he looked like he hurt so much. He said that he wanted a "normal" body. I told him that he is NOT abnormal just that I was worried about him and just wanted him to no have to deal with any problems that might come up from it. Then we just sat there and cuddled for a while. My poor sweetie...

I'm working with a woman from our Y to get membership for us two. We're going to look for the cookbook someone mentioned in a previous post and work on learning how to cook together.

Thank you all so much for helping me sort this out. I'm feeling a little lost because I am facing something I don't know anything about (like I said, I've always has the opposite problem!) I can't tell you all how much we appreciate it.

Thanks again.
post #12 of 16
SLeeping Beauty, I'm so happy that you were able to sit down and talk with him. I know it must have been difficult to do, but it seems like you really struck a note with your hubby. Just keep supporting him and be there for each other.
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
Yes ma'am! *salute*
post #14 of 16
Glad to hear you made a breakthrough with your sweetie.
post #15 of 16
I'm the heavy other half.

My husband once or twice told me he really wished I'd work on it for my health. He said, "I love YOU no matter what, but I'm worried about your health."

Now, I'll be honest that it hurt. But I knew it was true.

He didn't know what to do to help, but now that I'm losing he's supportive and encouraging.

The best thing to do is say what you need to say but don't make it the topic every day;0!.

Try new foods and ways of cooking. Try to get more active. Ask him what you can do to support him.

Until he finds the motivation within himself, you can't do much more than support and be ready when he's ready.

Would the intimacy angle work? It's WAAY more fun when the weight goes away
post #16 of 16
You can't change him. You can only change yourself. He will probably come along for the ride if you do!
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