Thinking of doing CLW..not sure if I can do it

[nervousmommy]

At this point, DS is 19months and we nurse on demand. Ever once in a while I might delay (getting into car and nedding to get somewhere...cooking breakfast and need to finish otherwise it would be ruined), but 95% we nurse on demand. I never thought I would nurse this long and now I'm thinking we'll CLW....but the nights are killing me!!! He flips and flops all night long and nurses a lot. I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time for the last 19 months and that's on a good night! It could be teeth, could be gas..I just don't know. I'mdealing with depression and I just need some sleep and some HOPE that he'll grow out of this. I don't want to nightwean him, but I feel pressure from friends around me that nightweaning and moving him to his own bed is the only way I'll get sleep. I don't want to do either!!!

When did your children stop nursing during the night naturally? When they got all their teeth? Give me hope and encoragement that I can keep doing this! I know it's the best for him and he loves his milks!

[Ruthla]

You are not going to be nursing a 19mo for the next 3 years! Children generally get less demanding as they mature, and their nursing needs also become less demanding at the same time.

By 19mo, it's quite reasonable to start setting some limits on nursing instead of continuing to nurse on demand. You can even nightwean and still continue nursing for several years.

One gentle way to transition him to his own bed is to start him off in his own bed (maybe a mattresss on the floor of your room?) and then welcome him into your bed the first time he wakes up at night. If he truly needs you at night, he'll wake up and join you. But if he's ready to sleep a longer stretch, he'll do so, and you'll get more sleep too. (This also allows you a few hours each night of "private time" with your husband/partner if you have one.)

If you're feeling overwhelmed, see what limits you can place on him (in nursing or elsewhere in his life) that will help you feel more in control. Setting limits is what will help you NOW, and limits have nothing to do with how long you're going to nurse for.

[karika]

dd2 is the same age and still nurses most of the night. I too have a lack of continuous sleep. I feel rested by doing the following: I am in bed with her anytime she is in bed. There is the exception of 30 min here or there where I take a bath alone, but for the most part, I lay down with her at naps and whenever she sleeps. I don't sleep as much as she does, so I do other things quietly while lying beside her. Like, playing on computer (SIMS, poker, MDC), reading, watching shows on my pocketdish, doing puzzles. Sometimes my 7yo comes in and we play cards for a bit. Then I sleep eventually. I get 1-3 hours, come to wakefullness, check the baby.... go back to sleep.... I end up in the bed for about 12 hours during a 24 hr cycle, or 14... I manage to get 10 hours of sleep generally, though it is not consecutive. She latches on whenever she wants while we sleep.

Now that she is 19 mo, there are times my parenting partner has her and I sleep alone. This has helped me. I get 1-3 hours of alone sleep every couple days or so now. This is a recent thing and it has been great. He used to do it every week or two only. Whenever she says ma or boob, he brings her to me wherever I am. Yesterday I slept on the couch as she played in lr with him and big sis, he put her on me once to nurse (I slept through it), then again later when she asked and she fell asleep too. We moved to the bedroom later.
I should add, we have a very small home and none of us sleeps at the same time. I am a light sleeper and hear everything all the time, so this adds to my wakefulness. I am rambling.... oops. I do not believe in weaning personally, but I do set limits. When I feel just drained, I say no. But it takes a lot for me to feel drained (ie 2 hours of nearly continuous nursing). She nurses a lot more than dd1 did at this age. I am taking better care of myself this time and have managed to retain my extra weight so I have plenty of milk.

Try to find a time another caregiver can be in your home to play with baby as you get some alone sleep. Don't let others tell you what is right for you and your baby. I personally let go of all my old friendships because I couldn't stand hearing about the vaccinations and CIO and cribs and bottles....

[nervousmommy]

You are not going to be nursing a 19mo for the next 3 years! Children generally get less demanding as they mature, and their nursing needs also become less demanding at the same time.

By 19mo, it's quite reasonable to start setting some limits on nursing instead of continuing to nurse on demand. You can even nightwean and still continue nursing for several years.

One gentle way to transition him to his own bed is to start him off in his own bed (maybe a mattresss on the floor of your room?) and then welcome him into your bed the first time he wakes up at night. If he truly needs you at night, he'll wake up and join you. But if he's ready to sleep a longer stretch, he'll do so, and you'll get more sleep too. (This also allows you a few hours each night of "private time" with your husband/partner if you have one.)

If you're feeling overwhelmed, see what limits you can place on him (in nursing or elsewhere in his life) that will help you feel more in control. Setting limits is what will help you NOW, and limits have nothing to do with how long you're going to nurse for.

I appreciate the reply; however it didn't really answer my question, asI don;t want to do either of the things suggested..Sorry

I don't want to nightwean him, but I feel pressure from friends around me that nightweaning and moving him to his own bed is the only way I'll get sleep. I don't want to do either!!!

When did your children stop nursing during the night naturally? When they got all their teeth? Give me hope and encoragement that I can keep doing this! I know it's the best for him and he loves his milks!

[heatherr30]

There's an excellent book called "no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley--have you heard of it? She suggests ways to get better sleep, without making the baby cry. She is an AP advocate. I think there is even a toddler version.

Nightweaning does sound drastic, and it is an awful experience for many moms and babies, but it can be done gently too. Unfortunately, the only other way to get better sleep, is to adapt your sleep schedule around your LO's. This works for some but not for all.

[nervousmommy]

She nurses a lot more than dd1 did at this age.

When did you dd1 wean? When did dd1 sleep through the night without nursing?

[CEVmommy]

I tried to night-wean my dd a few times when she was about 2 years old. First she was very resistant to it, so I just stopped and tried again a few months later. When she was about 27 months old, I tried again, and this time she took to it pretty easily, so I think that's just when she was ready. She continued to nurse at other times, and still does nurse now at 4 years old, so night-weaning does not have to mean total weaning at all, and it does not have to be difficult if your child is ready. While I did not wait for her to stop night-nursing totally naturally, I feel okay about it because I would not have done it if she had been resistant to it. I was eager to night-wean her at that time because I was pregnant and nursing was getting painful for me, but I still don't think I would have done it if she didn't seem ready.

[Resi]

My son is almost 23 months old. He sleeps with me and nurses on demand. He still nurses at night. Some nights more than others. I found he nurses a lot more when he is teething. Around your sons age he was getting his molars and nurses all night long. He was always comfort nursing. Then when all his teeth broke through he started sleeping much better. He is starting to nurse a lot again at night because his two year molars are starting to bother him.

Hang in there.. I found my son goes through phases of nursing often at night and sleeping for several hours without nursing. There has never been a night where he didn't nurse at least one time. He always does it half asleep. I have had nights where he has gone 4-6 hours without latching on. I'm hoping after the two year molars he will sleep for long stretches more often than not.

[ChinaDoll]

: hang in there - 19 months was the peak of needy-toddler-nursing for me (14-20 months I think it was) and then they slacked off a bit more. DD night-weaned herself early due to my pregnancy, but I think for DS it was just after age 2.

[bright_eyes]

When ds turned 2, I felt like I was still nursing a newborn- around the clock!  It was that often.  But 2 was an amazing year of growth and changes for ds, it was neat to watch how his nursing habits changed.  By 3, he was way less needy and nursed a lot less.  He still nursed at night every couple of hours, but during the day he wouldn't constantly ask like he did when he was around your son's age and just turned 2.  He didn't need to nurse every time he fell, or when he was hungry, or sad, ect.  Mind you, I did get pregnant when he was 2 1/2 and my milk dried up.  It never detered him from nursing but I can't be certain if he would have nursed more had I had milk to give him.

I night weaned him a 3 1/2.  It was very easy.  One hard night, one medium night, and that was it.  He still occasionally asks to nurse at night but will usually go right back to sleep if I say no.  He is 4 1/2 now.  He nurses off and on between 6 am and when he wakes up (by 8) and occasionally during the day, and then at bedtime.  So way, way less then he did at 2!

If you want to keep nursing but are overwhelmed by the amount, I say hang in there!  It does get better.  And as they get older, limit setting gets way easier.  For example, ds asks to nurse still when he gets hurt.  Sometimes, I just don't feel like nursing him right then.  So I'll gently suggest doing something else to help him feel better, like reading a book and he'll accept that just fine.  Or if he wants to nurse and I know it is just because he is hungry, I can say, no way, you need to eat some lunch!  And then we'll go eat.  He is fine with me saying that.

So there is hope to be had that it will get easier as he gets older!