How did you meet your new partner/spouse?

[monkeybum]

I'm curious how you meet someone the "second time around". And is it hard to get in to another relationship? How did you know it wasn't just going to fall apart again...(don't mean to sound negative, but honestly curious about this).

Thanks!!

[Sharlla]

i met dh on myspace, we talked online/phone a couple weeks and met. a week late i left x. i fell so in love and still am. x was never right for me. its been almost 2 years and i dont regret it for a second.

dh is the most amazing person and lover. no drama, no fights,we are completely compatable. hes such a great dad to our daughter and my boys. hes so selfless, ive never met anyone like him
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[Ceinwen]

She was my daughter's daycare provider.

Just had an instant vibe.

Still going strong over a year later.

[SoulCakes]

I met my husband at a conference right before my relationship with my ex officially fell apart. We barely met at the conference, but were both members of the same Facebook fan page for the conference and somehow he started reading my blog… months later, after I had left my ex, he got in touch. We impulsively decided to meet up since he was going to be in town and hit it off immediately. We've been together ever since.

I didn't really worry that it might fall apart. After having been in a committed relationship for so long, I didn't care if it lasted or not. I wasn't looking for and didn't need a permanent relationship. But I knew it would last. I had dated other people, casually, between my split with my ex and meeting my now-DH. When we met up again, I knew we'd be together.

There's no point in being afraid of what might happen. Date for fun rather than for seriousness. Actually, there was one guy that I really wanted a relationship with in that period between leaving ex and meeting DH. I knew we weren't right for each other but I wanted to force it and effectively drove him away. When you know it's not right, it's not right. The joy is in finding the one who is.

[2xy]

I met my DH on Yahoo! Personals. We clicked immediately. He was the second guy I dated after the ex and I split up, and I knew in a very short time that it was gonna be a good thing.

Originally Posted by SoulCakes

I didn't really worry that it might fall apart. After having been in a committed relationship for so long, I didn't care if it lasted or not. I wasn't looking for and didn't need a permanent relationship. But I knew it would last.

Yes to all of that.

I was especially convinced after he met my kids (10 and 13 at the time), and they instantly liked each other.

[~PurityLake~]

Well, I was married for 8.5 years to my first husband. We never had kids. He ran away for the drug-life claiming he just couldn't do 'it' (life, pay bills, work, etc.) anymore and was gone. Our divorce was final 6 months later although he only appeared by phone from out of state for the divorce.

So, I sold our house, rented an apartment, worked two jobs, rehomed the rescued animals we'd accumulated over the years and my parents invited me to move in with them in Alaska (I lived in Wisconsin at the time). I agreed to do that after my 1 year lease was up and did what I had to to minimize all my earthly possessions and get my pet exams and certifications for cross-country road travel.

In the meantime, I researched Alaska and jobs and environment and opportunities at the computer at the libraries in Madison. During this research, I found a potential home for one of my dogs that my mother wouldn't permit me to have in her home through a chat room and I also met my now-husband in said chat room. I met a lot of Alaskans who I occasionally chatted with updates of my upcoming move and who sometimes called me. I didn't really invest in getting to know any of them well, my now-husband included, because I wasn't interested in developing an internet relationship. I figured I had plenty of time to get to know them in person after I moved. And I did meet a couple of them in person after the move, my now-husband included.

Our first 'date' was a week after I arrived in Alaska. We spent over 5 hours talking about our first marriages, how it ended, what we hoped for relationship-wise from a future partner, how we handled our divorce, how we coped, our dreams and ambitions in life, etc. A couple days later, he called me saying he wanted to see me again. We went on a road trip together and talked, talked, talked. Then the next day, same thing, lots of talking and for about a week we were together almost nonstop and the rest is history.

[Hollycrand]

At the swimming pool. After separating from my exh, I decided to get back into swimming (I was an avid swimmer in my youth), and went to the local swimming pool. The first night I went, there were three swimming lanes - slow, medium, and fast. I went up to a guy to ask him if the fast lane was *really* fast (ie Olympic swimmers), and we started talking, occaisionally taking a break or two to do some swimming.
When I got out of the pool, he came over to me and told he'd be at the pool that Friday. I didn't go, but went a week or two later, and the same guy was there. We talked, I gave him a ride home, and we've been inseparable ever since (it's been over a year).

[Mummoth]

OKCupid.

I read his profile & he looked interesting. It said he was online so I opened a chat window & said hi. He didn't respond for probably 10 minutes and I was about to go offline when he said hi back. We ended up talking for a few hours and ended the conversation with him giving me his number and asking me to call him that night. It turns out, he had just changed his location on his profile about 15 minutes before I popped up on his screen. He was in Calgary still but had everything lined up to move here (he just needed a change... someone else had just contacted him & he realized it was dumb to continue to meet people in a city he was leaving in 3 weeks) After he moved here, we saw each other every few days until during one visit he started to feel really sick and ended up staying with us for the week while he had a kidney stone (so romantic, I know!) Once he was feeling better he went back home, but it was never the same... it was really hard to say goodbye. The kids love him and were pestering me with "Why does Andrew have to go? Why can't he live here with us?When is he coming over again?" pretty much constantly. Then his room-mates broke up and he was looking for a place to live, so rather than find somewhere else to be for a few months he moved right in here.

I don't know hat it isn't going to fall apart again. I DO know that this relationship is healthy, there's no abuse going on and everyone is happy. We work every day to keep things that way and I feel confident that we can continue this way, but I don't KNOW everything will be this good forever.

[Hollycrand]

I find it fascinating that so many people met their partners online or through online channels.

I just love reading stories about how people met.
Keep 'em coming!

[singin'intherain]

His daughter introduced us We lived in the same apartment complex for two years, and never met each other. When his kids came to live with him full time, they immediately found my house (the complex's kid magnet), and his dd decided to play matchmaker. I don't know if she has talent, or if it was just a lucky guess, but that was a year ago, and we are still very very happy together.

[Earthy Mama]

We went to high school together.

One day at lunch my boss and I were walking through this parking lot and I heard someone call my name from a pizza place. I turned and this tall very attractive looking man was running towards me-I hadn't seen him since 1996! He gave me a big hug and asked if I remembered him. I said-Tony T.! Maybe you should have asked that before you assaulted me!! lol
We chatted for a minute and then parted. We chatted on FB a bit over the next five months but nothing more than hi, how's it going. Fast forward to July last year. I was moving and needed help moving a refridgerator. I put a note of FB about needing help. Nothing. The next day I changed it to-Please help me move my fridge! Free beer. And he saw I was online and said he would help me out.
He helped me move everything I had left in my house! Plus we hung out for a bit through out the day. He invited me and my dds to go swim at his dad's house. We were just being friends by this point though I was very smitten with him. The next day (after swimming) I invited him over for dinner. We went out (first date) that weekend. After, he called me EVERY morning before I took my dds to school. He moved in the next month. It was fast, but never felt like it was too fast. We just fit. I never doubted from that first kiss that we would be together for a LONG time.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by Ceinwen

She was my daughter's daycare provider.

Just had an instant vibe.

Still going strong over a year later.

OK, seriously--I just saw a story like this on either Dateline or 20/20.
Are you that couple? It was a nice story actually--same situation--exactly.
Or wait, maybe the formerly married wife had two boys--?
I am pretty sure that couple was in Northern Virginia...or Maryland.
But seriously, there was a story exactly like this on TV. And I remember watching it and thinking--wow imagine meeting someone like that after you've known them all along.

[lynsage]

Originally Posted by Mummoth

OKCupid.

You can take the bag off now- I met mine there too!

I messaged him after I saw that he had looked at my profile a couple of times and not messaged me. We started chatting, I impulsively asked him out for that same night, and we've been together from that day to this

It wasn't hard. I thought it would be, but it wasn't. We went through a lot of difficult things together due to some crappy circumstances that were happening in his life in the beginning of our relationship, but falling in love and deciding to stay together despite the crap- it really hasn't been hard at all. Even during the worst period we went through, we didn't break up and we both had a strong feeling that we should wait a while and see how we felt when the storm was over, and we came out on the other side more in love than we were going in. It was terrifying and emotionally difficult, but it wasn't hard in the sense of it being hard to stay together.

Maybe it would feel like it was hard if it had happened with the wrong person, but with the right one, it was just doing what we had to do to stay in each other's lives and build our family, and that made it easier- does that make sense?

[sanguine_speed]

I met my new partner taking courses at university . I really wasn't looking and so hadn't considered the Internet. Also, online dating sites are much more popular now than they were 8 years ago, when I met my new partner.

[leilamom]

My DP and I met on Yahoo Personals as well. He was the 3rd guy that I had gone on dates with since my first marriage ended. We clicked instantly and I have never doubted that he is the person I am supposed to be with.

I was scared though that it wouldn't work out and spent a great deal of the first year or two of our relationship doubting that it would stay together. Nine months after we met, he took a job in CA and was gone for two years. I told him that if we could get through that, we could get through anything. He got a job back here a few months ago and now we are planning our wedding. This is a second marriage for both of us, and we are both very aware of the mistakes we both made to contribute to our marriages not working out.

I am a big believer that it takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work or not work. I don't like placing all the blame on one person or another. I think they key to successful second relationships is knowing what went wrong the first time (meaning, what did I do to contribute to the break up) and then not let that happen again. Everytime I see myself falling back into old habits or about to do or say something, I try to stop myself. It's not his fault that I was hurt the first time around. (I also think that it helps that I am 10 years older this time...deciding to get married at 21 isn't always the best idea.)

It is scary to hand your life and your feelings over to someone again, but I wouldn't take it back for anything!

[katroshka]

I had recently split up with my husband, and suddenly all these guys were coming out of the woodwork like, Hey, you're single now! And I kept telling everyone I wasn't interested in a relationship. Then I had a party at my house, and my best friend from high school invited a few of his friends, and one of them is my dh now. We hit it off right away and he came over later that week when a couple of friends were over. We saw each other nearly every day for the next 3 months or so, but then he finished up grad school and had to relocate for a job. He stayed there for a year and a half, we talked on the phone every night, and he came to visit for weekends every 2-3 months, then he moved back and we moved in together. The long distance thing sucked, but it gave me time to be just me after a very messy end to my first marriage, and since we met only about 2 months after I gave my ex the boot, I really needed it.

It's been great ever since, so different from my first marriage. No drama! He's totally reliable and very considerate, totally unlike my ex. My whole family loves him and my life is just so much more rewarding now.

[stormgirl]

He was my boyfriend's best friend in high school.......20 plus years ago! We always liked wach other, but for whatever reason, didn't stay intouch.

Reconnected briefly on Facebook, got our kids together to meet up, and then pretty much instantly fell in love. He still lived, coparenting with his ex, and I was still with my ex. It took awhile to get ourselves in a place where we could be openly together, and disentangle from our previous partners, but we are so very happy, and expecting a new addition to our family! And fortuitously, both our ex's are involved with other people, too, and seemingly happy. Our kids get along famously. It still feels like a lucky magic thing.

[Oriole]

on-line chat, 11 years ago.

[Mackenzie]

work....

[neonalee]

At a dance club LOL I was there with my sister (lives out of state) and A was there with an out of town friend (B). I was newly separated and much more interested in B. Me, my sis and A hung out after dancing because the public transportation was closed for the night. Went home, slept, we met up with A again that afternoon. My sis went home, but before she left she said, 'now don't go hooking up with A cuz B will come back to town and it'll be weird'. And I said 'no way, A is not my type'. Ha! A and I went to a movie "as friends" and then started dating casually. When I realized I'd fallen in love with him I had a panic attack LOL Eventually he caught up and we've been together since. That sounds like it was all easy, but it wasn't

I don't worry about if it will last or not. I truly believe in yin/yang/balance. You have to experience sad to experience happy, etc. That said, we both see ourselves growing old together, which neither of us saw with our previous partners. We've also both learned a lot about relationships and making them work through past mistakes.