how to get DH to carry DS's Epipen?

[westcoastmummy]

My DH went to the park tonight with DS (23 mnths) and didn't take his Epipen. Again. And they ate blackberries on the way.

DS is anaphylactic to beef & possibly also cow's milk, very allergic to eggs, and has had suspected reactions (facial hives) to blueberries, sesame, chocolate, prunes, and celery. Not blackberries, but who knows if he might react to them in the future. And what if DS accidentally ingests something in the park, such as a sippy cup full of cow's milk?

I'm so angry, but don't know how to get across to DH that he has to have the Epipen with him always, especially when DS eats anything at all. I wonder if DH is in denial?

Sorry for venting. Any advice or suggestions welcome.

[sbgrace]

Is it just not a habit yet? Does hubby take diapers or something else with him always that an epi pen can be added to in terms of routine? (Remember, they are very temperature sensitive so nothing left in a vehicle routinely would work).

If it's just that he refuses (I hope not--I'd be beyond livid) can hubby talk to your son's allergist? I had found some good "denial busting" clips on youtube for a grandparent but I can't find them when I looked again. You can find articles online and I think the epi pen site has information as well about deaths, timing (immediate--ambulance is not fast enough, run home, etc...not fast enough...maybe hubby doesn't realize a child can suddenly go into shock or that even a minor delay in using an epi pen may not do enough to save the child), etc. Maybe he just doesn't have the information. If he read it "officially" vs. heard it from you maybe it would help.

If you can't work this out my son would go no where without me with his daddy if I couldn't trust him to take his epi pen. It's life threatening after all. Said grandparent above who I found clips for has never been alone with my son without one of us since the diagnosis. He doesn't take it seriously enough.

[JaneS]

Vent here or to a trusted friend or relative to get it out first, then calm down and have a big heart to heart with your DH. Try to be understanding for now instead of angry and see how he responds. Denial is certainly a valid stage... it is like a grieving that your child's life is going to be so different and their life is in danger. But given that it's a life threatening condition, denial needs to stop and pronto.

Maybe he simply doesn't understand exactly what can happen b/c sometimes this information is hard to find. If you aren't looking for it, it's easy for the average person just not to know why anaphylaxis needs to be treated so specifically\

I would certainly try Rachelle's excellent suggestions. And if that doesn't work, then go straight to marriage counselling. It's hell to feel like the only parent who takes this seriously, the situation is hard enough.

Edited by JaneS - 7/14/11 at 4:44pm

[westcoastmummy]

Thank you, thank you. These are really helpful. I had a heart to heart with him and I think he's mostly scatter-brained, but also he doesn't think DS will eat anything he's allergic to any more. He's not as hyper-vigilant as me. It's been almost a year since DS's one and only ana reaction and I think DH doesn't see it as a threat any more in some way.

I'm going to post a big sign on our door: no epi-pen, no exit

And I'm going to buy one of those belts with an epi-pen holder and make him wear it when he's with DS.

It feels good to vent!