what does tandem nursing look like?

[HappyMommy2]

I can't quite figure out how I will manage tandem nursing. Do you have rules about the baby getting milkies first?

My almost 3 yo is down to 2-3 times a day (as long as she isn't sick.). She will be 3.4 when the baby arrives. And she seems fine with sharing. Daddy spilled the beans, and she keeps saying "I get this boobie, and the baby gets that boobie."

I can't quite figure out how this is going to work. Nursing literally at the same time sounds unappealing, for sure.

How do you make it work?

[emilyash]

Well.

I was just coming on here to ask/get support for my tandem adventure. My son is 19 mos and my daughter is 5.5 weeks. We started off letting DS nurse whenever/on demand, but it got to be too much, so we went back to his nursing times before she was born (first thing in the am, before naps & bed). That was going ok, but he'd cry when he asked at other times and I said no. It had begun to taper off, but then we tried to drop the before nap nursings and the am nursing because we thought it was disrupting his sleep (he loves his numnums so much he was waking tired to nurse). But that has been really tough and seems so artibtrary. I've had help around a lot, but for a couple days I was on my own with the two kids, and I have been thinking that nursing is my only tool to make both kiddos happy at the same time, so maybe I should go back to on demand for my son and I'm hoping that once he has all access it will be less of a big deal. I don't know!

What has worked was nursing them separately most of the time, but occasionally simultaneously (cradle or kneeling hold for him, football hold for her). And since DS drains more milk, I try to switch sides for each feeding with him so I don't get lopsided.

It's challenging, and I want to be consistent, I know how important that is. But as I experience this I think about ways that might work better and want to respond accordingly.

All in all, I don't have it figured out either, but we're chugging along. I'm also interested to hear other responses.

[HappyMommy2]

I'm SO surprised a thread like this doesn't already exist! I'm so confused, and really need some BTDT experiences and advice.

[LadyCatherine185]

Lurking... I'm 27 weeks pregnant and almost-2 DS still nurses 2-3 times a day, but only for about 10-20 seconds each time. I have been thinking he may wean before baby, but it doesn't look like he will... I have no idea how it is going to go once baby is here.. Especially because if he sees the milkas he goes NUTS and wants to nurse, but other than that he can take or leave them.. and if he is seeing me nurse a newborn all day I am sure he is going to want to start nursing more.

[fruitfulmomma]

I am on my third tandem pair...

#1 - Nursed through 2nd pregnancy and tandemed into 3rd. Weaned shortly before his 4th
#2 - Tandemed with older brother into 3rd pregnancy. Weaned (mostly) shortly before her 2nd birthday. I totally regret that decision but I was so sore at the time. She did nurse a few times on and off after the baby was born but not as much as I normally would have.
#3 - Bf'ed through 4th pregnancy and into 5th. Self-weaned shortly before her 4th birthday.
#4 - Tandemed with #3 and Bf'ed through 5th pregnancy. Now tamdemed with #5. She will be 4 next month. She is still asking about once a week for no more than 2 minutes at a time.
#5 - Tandeming with #4. She is 20mo and shows no signs of stopping anytime soon.

Nursing during pregnancy can be tiring and I usually get to the point of discouraging it from happening so often toward the end. However the older one does usually pick back up in frequency after the new baby is born. It is really a great thing to help them bond, reduce feelings of jealousy, and also help me out with engorged boobs.

Baby always gets priority.

Sometimes I nurse them both at the same time. Totally depends on the situation. I can lay on my back with both cradled in my arms and nursing. Not my favorite thing in the world but it works.

[SollysMom]

I'm tandem nursing my almost-3-year-old and my 8-month old. I nurse them both on demand pretty much, except sometimes I do say "now's not a good time" to DS1. I would actually say DS1 is more attached to nursing than DS2 and probably nurses more frequently. I don't worry about making sure the baby nurses first, I know my body makes plenty of milk for both of them and DS2 has always been fine weight-wise which is reassuring. At first I worried about how to know who got which breast and when, so whenever one of them needs to nurse I just give them whichever breast feels heavier at the time. Occasionally I nurse them both at the same time, but DS2 gets distracted very easily so he needs to be REALLY hungry to be willing to share. When I do nurse them at the same time, I usually get DS2 started in the cradle position or whatever I'd be doing normally, and then when DS1 wants to nurse too he just sort of kneels beside me and leans in.

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma

I can lay on my back with both cradled in my arms and nursing. Not my favorite thing in the world but it works.

This doesn't work well for me unless I have the baby propped up on a few pillows. If I need to nurse them at the same time at night, I get DS2 started in the side-lying position, nursing from the bottom breast, then DS1 drapes himself over my side (from behind) to nurse from the top breast. Doesn't seem to me like it would be comfortable, but he doesn't seem to mind.

[sarahtdubb]

I'm tandem nursing my 6 month old and almost-3 year old. He was 1 yrs 4 months when my baby was born.

He was down to about 3x a day when babe was born--that increased dramatically when my milk came in. He wanted to nurse all the time! I think it was also because we were home so much more than usual as I was in my post-partum recovery period.

At first I let him nurse almost whenever he wanted, because there was someone else home with me to help with baby. Once we were one our own, I started to saying no more often--he would often go into a crazy fit. Honestly, the only thing that would work to calm him down was to let him watch a "movie", which for him is any video on the computer. I think for him nursing was about having a time to just chill out and calm down, and he could also do that while watching a video. Over a couple weeks we were able to get him back down to nursing only 3x a day.

For the first few months I nursed them together maybe 1-2x a week, always at nap time to get him to sleep when nothing else worked. It is a little difficult to handle logistically! A few times I felt like an exhausted, uncomfortable cow; other times I felt like a divine nourishing earth mama. A couple months ago nursing stopped putting my son to sleep, so I no longer nurse him during the day.

Now my 3yr old only nurses at bedtime and when he wakes up in the middle of the night to pee. He just cut out his other nursing sessions over time. He is very proud that he's a big boy now!

Some ideas/advice:

Before the baby was born we talked a lot about how babies drink only mama milk, but big boys get to eat food. to try to keep him from being jealous, I tried to phrase it in a way that made him feel lucky (do babies get to eat noodles? to babies get to eat yogurt? noooo, they only have mama milk).

because all babies get is mama milk, we need to make sure the baby gets enough, etc etc

we developed comforts for him other than nursing. a cup of cows milk in his special cup, for example. there are often times now when he asks for "cup-a-milk" when he sees his lil sister nurse

I preserved a nursing time for him--bed time-- when he always gets to nurse. this is the time of day when dad is home and can take the baby so my son and I have one-on-one time. it is a special time for him.

I'm so scattered, but overall its been great. i think its been a great bonding thing for my kids... they nursed together once and fell asleep holding hands, it was amazing. but it has been difficult at times, too. being needed by TWO little ones in that way can be draining and stressful. Your 3 year old is old enough to understand some of your needs and the babies needs, to dont be afraid to draw some boundaries.