10 Days To Move... Help!!

[chely7425]

My husband has decided he is unhappy and the only cure for this is for us to separate for awhile and take time for ourselves, whatever that means. This means we are driving home (4 day drive) in 10 days... I am 29 weeks pregnant and we have a 1 and a 2 year old. I need to figure out everything I need to bring with me. Toys, kids clothes, my clothes, furniture.. I have no idea where to start. Anything I don't pack he is going to sell to off set moving costs. How do I decide what to bring? My parents are more than willing to move things around, I get the whole attic (about 500 square feet) and they are going to rearrange their study into a playroom since it is right off the kitchen. So... where do I start?

[goldenwillow]

My heart goes out to you. My initial thought is to take just the necessities for now. The other stuff you can put in storage or sell and replace. I am grateful your folks are so supportive, lean and take comfort in them. Try not to overload yourself.

[chely7425]

So far I know I need to take:

-all the baby stuff (clothes, bassinet, swing, etc)
-all the boys toys (I want everything to be as normal as possible for them)
-boys clothes
-my clothes
-my bedroom stuff
-boys bedroom stuff
-a few kitchen things
-stroller

I should probably pare down their clothes a bit, and mine... and I definitely need to pare down mine. Maybe pare down their toys too?

[mattemma04]

Keep what can not be replaced easily through thrift stores.Perhaps one large tote box for toys and cloths. Hugs for you and the kids. Terrible thing to be dealing with at any time.

[Ann-Marita]

Do YOU have to move? HE's the one wanting to separate, let HIM move out. It seems that would be kinder, less disruptive to the kids.

He's about to be deployed, right? Where would you be living (while he's gone) if he didn't want to separate? Is there a reason you can't continue to live there? At least until things are more figured out (divorce, or ?).

I've moved a BUNCH. My best tip for moving is...Pack suitcases as if you are going on a 3-4 day trip. Include everything that is absolutely essential for those days - clothes, bath towels, coffee maker. Then, during the chaos of the move, you won't have to go "Oh, I can't find my toothbrush."

My second best tip is to use your kitchen towels as padding between dishes. That way, your dishes are protected AND you don't have newsprint on your hands AND your kitchen towels end up right where they belong, in the kitchen.

I am sorry this is happening to you.

[PoetryLover]

I'm so sorry. Just seeing this makes me sad for you.

Bring a few things that bring you peace and comfort. For me that might be certain books, movies, music, photos, journal, a special mug. Make sure you have all of your contact information so that you can reach out to friends and loved ones, as needed.

ETA: Also bring anything comforting for the upcoming birth.

[chely7425]

I don't HAVE to move but we are across the country from my family, they live in Washington and we are in Louisiana right now. I am sure he would move out but I in NO way want to stay down here. We have no family down here and our only close friends are moving in a few weeks. So yeah... staying down here isn't an option. I think I am going to start a major purge today... get rid of everything I don't need, thin things out, ya know?

[Logan]

Honestly if it were me, in this situation I would just hire a moving truck and take everything I want with me. Its just not worth the stress of a major overhaul declutter. Sounds like you have enough to plan and think about just with the move without trying to sort through everything you own. I would get rid of/leave everything that you definitely know you dont want. And take anything which is costly o replace. I probably wouldnt worry about much kitchen items or towels/linens, since your parents likely have plenty and these take up a lot of space and are cheap to replace. But otherwise I would just take most of it for now. Sort it out when you get there in the peace of your parents attic. I hope the move is wonderful for you and your boys Sounds like you have an awesome family

[chely7425]

I do have an awesome family... I really do. They drive me bonkers sometimes but they are really great. We are going to hire a UHaul and I guess some guys he works with will come over and help load the big stuff in. We can't really afford a moving company, we can't really afford any of this but my mom has offered to help and we will hopefully get his bonus next week so we can make it work. I figure I can pack what I need and he can deal with really clearing out the house and getting out of housing on his own when he gets back. As long as he cleans and gets out so we can get his BAH to pay off debt... we can't even think about divorcing until he gets back anyway since we need to get our money situation under control.

Ok, that went a little off topic... point being, you guys are right and I just need to take what I want. It just seems SO overwhelming.

[Quaniliaz]

Do you know of any kids on summer break you could use as mother's helpers to play with your little ones while you pack? Going through everything while pregnant with two little ones sound really overwhelming to me, too.

[laohaire]

I'm all for decluttering - really, I'm a huge advocate.

But I agree with PP, I would get a uHaul trailer and bring whatever I wanted. While I know it costs money I don't think it's major, major, major bucks.

Decluttering under major stress can lead to heartbreak. I know this firsthand even though the stress was not nearly as major.

If you do decide to just go minimum, don't forget about sentimentals. Clothes are replaceable but your photo albums aren't.

I also agree with PP about questioning whether you really need to move, or at least under this time frame. Your H wants to separate, he leaves. If you can't afford the rent, I understand, but consider renting one more month just to deal with it more sanely. He can leave, and you can move out when you're ready. Just a thought.

Wishing you the best, that's crappy of your husband to put you on that timeline. Just really selfish. Heartbreaking to want to separate anyway, but it can be done more maturely and sanely than dropping that on you and saying "so you're outta here in 10 days."

[ChetMC]

Agree

We've moved four times in the last two years. We also packed once, shipped our stuff and had it sent back because we didn't move... so we've actually packed five times in two years.

You've gotten good advice here. The reasonable options are :

- taking more time to do the move properly.
- take everything with you.
- find an ARMY of people you trust to help, and I do mean an army.

I've always tried to weed out, declutter, organize, sell and freecycle as much as I could when we moved. It takes a lot of time, and it's hard to do with kids. fast. And every time we've packed we took stuff that needed to be sorted and dealt with on the other end during the unpacking stage because we just didn't have enough time.

[chely7425]

The 10 days timeline isn't really either of our doing... it is the Army/his leave. I can't move myself and his only leave is the 21st to the 29th of the this month so that is when we need to do this. Anything I don't pack he will deal with selling or getting rid of. I do however need his help with driving back and moving everything so... yeah. Luckily we don't have a ton of stuff in general, I quite enjoy decluttering so I guess that will benefit us in this situation. I reserved a 14 foot UHaul for the 20th and a storage unit for a few things that won't fit in my mom's house once I get there, I got a month free with my truck rental so it made sense to do that now. I don't really care about making it easy for him once he gets back here... he wanted this he can deal with it.

[~Journey~]

I can't help but think what crappy timing!
While I totally understand the stress of Army life (dh just retired after 26 yrs) this just rubs me the wrong way.
I'm glad to hear that your familie will be there for you and the kids.
(btw WE love WA )


Anyway...

I would take what is dear to me and what cannot be replaced. Personal things, Fotos of the kids stuff like that. Stuff that can be replaced like furniture that is not needed right away, kitchen stuff and the like I would leave behind.

So sorry this is happening to you...

[chely7425]

Rubs me the wrong way too... I think I have a good list of what I am bringing though:

-kids bed/dresser
-crib/glider
-my bedroom set
-washer/dryer (my parents is 11 years old and teetering on death... mine is 2 years old and with 4 extra people and 3 in cloth diapers we need a good set)
-kids toys
-kids clothes
-my clothes (maternity and non)
-pictures
-toiletry stuff (we use more expensive stuff like Cali Baby for the kids and I just bought a new bottle, so just bring the expensive/new stuff)
-baby clothes (alllll the tubs, I have 2 boys and am having another so all the hand me downs need to come along)
-bedding

I think that is it...