Going Back to Work???

[Mawood]

I am not sure if this is the right place for my thread but my daughter is 6 1/2 months old now and I had planned on teaching on Saturday mornings starting in the fall. Originally I wanted to go back in April but postponed to the fall after Olivia was born. Now that the time is approaching I still don't feel ready to leave her - even just for those 5 hours
I know most American Moms go back full time way earlier and I feel weird for having such a hard time when I seem to have it so much better than most other Moms. But where I am from Moms mostly stay home for the first year of the baby. I feel like now would be the time to back out again and my husband would support either decision but we could really use the bit of extra money and I am wondering if I might regret it at some point as it is a great opportunity to get out of the house and do what I am best at. I teach German at a German Saturday school and I don't think I would find a job like that easy again as I don't have the Californian credentials for regular schools. So it would be good to keep the connection but I feel overwhelmed with preparing the lesson plans during the week and the school is an hour away so I would be far away from my baby if she'd need me. And I would miss out on our Saturday family mornings. The school is from 9am-12pm so I'd be gone from 8am -1pm. My husband would be home with our daughter so she would not have to be with a different care giver. He even offered to come along with her and go to the park and be there during recess for breast feeding but I 'd rather have them have a relaxed Saturday morning going to the framer's market and think it would be nicer for them to stay home meaning I would have to pump which I really don't like and basically just did once for a root canal procedure.

What do you think? Will I get over it once I started or should I listen to my gut who wants to keep being a Mom only? I have such a hard time deciding.

[kms7z]

It sounds like you want to stay home. i've gone back to work at 3 months with both of my sons (I'm a pumping pro!!), and both times it was clear to me that was what i wanted to do.

[P.J.]

If your intuition says it's better for you, the baby, or both of you not to go back to work yet, then I would say follow that. It's never wrong.

Having said that, I wonder if you could try first going back without making a huge commitment, like doing some substituting or are there any one-day workshops / one-off lessons, private lessons, something you could do just to try and see how it feels first before making the big decision? And if you didn 't go back now, how likely is it that you'd really lose your job, or when would it be 'too late'? Because that would also influence my decision to a degree.

FWIW I am in a very similar position. I'm teaching English in Germany though!! My baby's a bit younger than yours, but due to contract issues I may have to go back when he's about 4 or 5 m.o.

[Knitting Mama]

I'm biased towards staying at home, since it's what I do-- and we lost half of our income because of that choice-- but I definitely think that if you can swing backing out now and it's what your intuition tells you, I would do it.

[Norasmomma]

If you need the money do it, if you really don't then don't.

I work 3 nights a week 5 hours a night, but for me it is a wonderful break after being a SAHM for 3 years I need a break from kids, plus the economy sucks so my DH's electrical job is not nearly as lucrative as it used to be. For me it's a good thing all the way around. When DD was that age I had been working every Sat since she was 6 weeks and I quit to be a SAHM I hated that one day, it was too hard on my body, I almost got mastitis and had constant plugged ducts from not pumping enough, it wasn't worth it.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

I went back full time when my DD was 11 weeks. I thought it would be terrible and I cried for weeks dreading it. DH stays home with her and works weekends, so my fear was that he would hate it, baby would hate it, and I would hate it. As it turned out, all of us are totally fine with virtually no transition. DD is now 16 weeks and things only seem to be getting easier for all of us. From someone who has BTDT and then some, I urge you to consider the benefits of working.
- Only 5 hours per week
- Allows you to stay involved in the workforce
- Allows your DH to bond with your LO all by himself (it's different than having you there)
- Is a nice break into the outside world without the obligations of a full or even part time job.
- Money is always a nice perk.
In our situation, my earning potential is about 4x that of DH because of extensive education and a fantastic job with outstanding benefits. It simply was not an option for me to stay home. As time goes by, I appreciate my time with DD even more, and I get to watch this amazing beautiful relationship between DD and DH blossom. I say give it a shot. If you hate it after the first few weeks, by all means quit.

[texmati]

the deciscion is up to you. For full disclosure, I'm a full time whom -- by choice. I may make a different choice with this next kiddo, I don't know.

I just wanted to say, that I feel that most mothers in general have thoughts of *what if*.

The separation did get easier once I started working. Pumping got easier ect. And I always have the option of quitting. I do think that if I was to stay at home, it would come with it's own stresses, financially. I'm pretty sure when the going got tough at home, I'd be daydreaming about how everything would be so much better if I were working.

[Hannah32]

OP, I think one day per week is a pretty sweet deal, I wouldn't give it up.

I'll be headed back to work when my son is 17 weeks old. My hubby will stay home most likely, though an interview just came up that may change that. I'd be much more nervous about it if I wasn't leaving my son with his dad, but currently, I like the plan. Daycare though would take some mental adjustment on my part.

I love my job (teacher) and wouldn't want to give it up.

[Tway]

I hear you. I love my job and my coworkers and my boss and everything about what I do. Then I had DD, and my heart/head's not in it anymore. Luckily we get a year off for mat leave here, and my work's allowed me an extra 6 months (unpaid)... which will give me some time to think on it a little more. Although I've pretty much made up my mind...

That said, I'd like to freelance 10 or so hours a week--so I'd also say you should really think about working those 5 hours. It's a small amount of time, less than an evening out!, and it'll give you a little time away and some money for yourself and some independence--without taking you away from your LO for very long. In the end, though, go with what your heart needs.

And on a related topic, what's with moms who say "Oh, you'll get over it, you'll see" when you mention you may not go back to work? Maybe I don't WANT to get over it. Grr...

[dahlialia]

Can you gather some more information for you and DH to decide? This Saturday can you disappear for 5 hours, see how it feels for you, how it is for DH and for DD?

I personally would have a hard time with the 5 hours, but I do appreciate when DH takes DD for 2 or 3 hours

[AmyKT]

I start working 7.5 hours from home in a couple of weeks, and I can't wait. I just really, really miss it. I think if you have a strong gut reaction against working right now, you have to listen seriously to that. Teaching is not something you can just just try for a few weeks and quit, so I understand your hesitation.

[Mawood]

Thanks so much for all these posts. I really appreciate hearing lots of different opinions on this. I am still going back and forth. I think being away for 5 hours would be a good way to test it - even though it feels like such a waste of a Saturday to me . We are going back home to Germany next week to visit my family and I want to decide before we leave as I would start mid September at the Saturday school. I guess I will move it in my heart and sit with it some more. In the meantime I appreciate your thoughts on it as well.

[tzs]

i went back subbing when dd was 9 or 10 months. it was so great because it was only a few hours a week and i got some "me" time...even if this "me time" was changing 12 other kids' diapers.
it was so nice to get out of the house for just those few hours and not feel that i had really committed to something big. i do have the benefit of having dd at the same school so i could see her if i wanted, which i do to nurse or if i work a full day i hang out with her on my lunch. but if i'm there only a few hours i usually leave her be. she's happy and she's the type of kid who i think enjoys her "me time" too.
if it were me and dh was taking care of her i'd jump at the opportunity if not just to give them their special time. but it seems like there's really no "wrong" choice here!

[GreenTeaGinger61]

I'm about to start back to work part time as well. It is HARD though. And I keep thinking about how I wish I could just stay home and about how much I don't want to leave my baby (she'll be a little over four months). But we do need the money, and I know once I start I will enjoy it. It happened this way with my second youngest. I am still with the babies the majority of time but I get a break to do my thing which is enjoyable. Plus it really does give the dh a chance to work out his own relationship with the baby.

I do think you should follow your gut but you might find that five hours to be very enjoyable. I second the suggestion to take a Saturday. Don't see it as a waste but as a chance to plan, prepare, etc. Even if you decide to not do the job, it will be material you can use later!

[Addie]

As a SAHM, I'd say this is the type of working situation that many SAHMs dream of! One day a week for a few hours, in a field and environment you're comfortable with, on a day when your DH can be with the babe and you don't have to worry about childcare? And he could even bring her to you for BFing? It's your decision of course, and you need to do what you're comfortable with, but I'd be afraid I'd regret giving up a deal like that.