New mom, new to forum, co-sleeping questions, please help - I feel like an idiot!

[zadiesmama]

Hi,

My husband and I are new parents of a 5-week old slightly fussy baby. She is sleeping in our bed with us in a Woombie, a straight-jacket esque version of a swaddle. I generally nurse her about 3-4 times a night from about 11:00 pm to 7:00am.

She naps ok during the day, but there is no consistent schedule of anything.

I have so many friggin questions!! Please help..

1. Is it ok to have no real consistent napping schedule during the day at this age?
2. If we are going to co-sleep until the age of one or so, does this mean that I have to go to bed with her earlier or that I have to go to bed whenever she does? I am extremely perplexed by this. Perhaps there is an easy answer and I just can't see it in my caring-for-newborn fatigue?!
3. My husband and I weren't taught good sleep habits and we would both go to bed rather late. I don't want to make this mistake with her. I want to teach her to sleep well. Is this something that is premature and irrelevant to worry about now?
4. She never sleeps without being nursed first or being bounced. Is this normal for 5-weeks old? I have read that you should put your baby down when they "look sleepy" ?!? WTF? She doesn't typically look excessively sleepy without being nursed first.

I suppose the reason that I am so concerned is precisely because my parents never taught me good sleep habits/they were never strict about a bedtime and I just don't want to be traveling down the wrong road regarding sleep.

Also, people keep saying that one should "wear your baby," but what is the best way to do this for babies with reflux? She spits up often and I have not found a great way to "wear" her unless in the Bjorn which doesn't seem as snuggly and sweet...

Any advice on my questions or related matters would be SO SO SO appreciated.

I am also new to this forum concept and practice, by the way..

Best Wishes!
-Leyla

[lovepiggie]

Congrats on your new baby Here are my answers to your questions, although I'm sure you will get many more answers! Lots of opinions are a good thing...

We kind of 'happened into' co-sleeping. I went ahead and bought a crib and stuff, and we never used it! Co-sleeping just was, and still is, much easier...

1. Napping schedule - as long as your baby is getting enough sleep, it's fine. It's hard to put babies that young on any kind of schedule anyway. I found that with my DS, we just kind of followed his cues, and he made himself a schedule on his own.

2. Until my DS was about 6 months old, he stayed up late with us. It worked fine for a while, but he just wasn't getting the same quality of sleep that he would if he went to bed earlier. So now, we put him to bed around 7:30, and then I just join him later when it's time for me to go to bed. If I'm just planning on doing some reading though, I'll stay in bed with him. Make sure your bed is safe for him to be alone in - if you can, just put the mattress on the floor so he doesn't roll from a height, or get some bed rails to put on the bed. We used pillows for a while (although you have to be sure he doesn't roll into them and can't roll back away..), but then he just rolled over them off the bed.

3. It might be a little early to worry about sleep habits forming now, that would affect your daughter when she's older, but it might be easier for you if you start adopting better sleep habits now! Then when she's older it's less of a struggle for you to get up early with her, etc.

4. Try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It has a lot on the whole 'putting down while sleeping', although I have to admit that my DS is still nursed or rocked to sleep every night, and for naps. It doesn't bother me, and both DH and I are stay at home parents, so we have all the time in the world

For baby wearing! Try a different carrier that allows you to hold your baby upright, but snuggled close to you. You can look in the babywearing forum for recommendations - but, at that age, I really liked my peapod snuggly wrap!

Another good book to read is the Baby Book by Dr. Sears - he has a whole chapter on cosleeping, and it's benefits!

[SilverFish]

1. yes. it's fine. things really won't start to settle into any kind of routine until 3 or 4 months, when they start being awake for more of the day than they are asleep. right now your routine is mostly diaper, nurse, nap, awake and repeat, without any real times attached. even once they hit 3-4 months, their routine may change from day to day and week to week.
2. depending on what kind of sleeper you have, this may vary. i put my lo to bed at around 8-9 pm... we swaddle, nurse and rock, and then i lay her down and leave the room until i want to go to bed. when she nursed through the night, this generally meant i went to bed when she woke to be nursed. moms with poorer sleepers may find themselves going to bed with their lo's or trying to sneak out and get a little time to themselves before going to bed. it all depends on how your lo sleeps and how dependent she is on you to sleep well.
3. i truly believe that you can't "teach" sleeping. some people like to go to bed early, some like to go to bed late. it's important to help your children get the right amount of sleep for their needs, but IMO you can't teach it. anyway, pretty irrelevant now... if your home is consistent, safe and loving, your children will pretty much figure out how to sleep on their own.
4. YES! nursing to sleep is the easiest way to get them to sleep and you really shouldn't expect a baby to sleep without some help. some babies will eventually be able to fall asleep by themselves, but it's all personality, i think. my lo will very very occasionally fall asleep in the afternoon while lying on her mat with her toys, but it's certainly not something i expect. one thing i have started to do is laying her down after nursing and rocking when just "slightly" asleep (and this is at 6 mos old)... often she will just continue to drift off. 5 weeks is way too early to see that transition of falling asleep, but you will recognize it later.

have you tried a moby wrap (stretchy wrap) or mei tai style carrier? these two types of carriers are great for young babies with reflux since they are held in a great upright frog-legged postion that most newborns find wonderful to sleep in.

[dandalion]

I also wanted to mention that reflux might be something in your diet. My daughter had trouble if I ate a lot of dairy. She grew out of it but I had to watch how much I ate for a while. It made a big difference.
I bought a Sleepy Wrap a love it.
Take a deep breath of the new baby smell, relax and don't worry about sleep training or messing her up somehow. Just love her and enjoy every second because it goes so fast.
For the record I held my girl for every nap until she was 10 months old (everyone thought I was "ruining" her) after that she wanted to be laid down and sleeps awesome. So what Im saying is I just don't think you can mess it up if you following you babys ques.
Good luck and have fun

Oh and go buy or check out at the library The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. It was my bible in the begining.

[Devaskyla]

1. Is it ok to have no real consistent napping schedule during the day at this age? Totally normal. My kids don't seem to get a consistant nap schedule until around 6 months or so. They'd either just nurse to sleep or randomly conk out when I was wearing them
2. If we are going to co-sleep until the age of one or so, does this mean that I have to go to bed with her earlier or that I have to go to bed whenever she does? I am extremely perplexed by this. Perhaps there is an easy answer and I just can't see it in my caring-for-newborn fatigue?!I always just put them to sleep next to me until I was ready to go to bed. I know some people use a crib or a pack & play until they go to bed or they leave the baby in bed alone with a monitor
3. My husband and I weren't taught good sleep habits and we would both go to bed rather late. I don't want to make this mistake with her. I want to teach her to sleep well. Is this something that is premature and irrelevant to worry about now?Completely premature. And since it sounds like your concerned about trying to teach her to not be a night owl? Can't be done, it's biological. She'll either be one or she won't & there's not much you can do either way. My parents always made me go to bed hours before I was actually ready to sleep to try to get me on a "normal" schedule (& I don't entirely blame them when I was in school) but all it did was leave me lying there in the dark bored out of my mind until I reached the time my body said was sleep time.
4. She never sleeps without being nursed first or being bounced. Is this normal for 5-weeks old? I have read that you should put your baby down when they "look sleepy" ?!? WTF? She doesn't typically look excessively sleepy without being nursed first.I have nursed all my kids to sleep for naps & bedtime, except when they fell asleep being worn, until they eventually learned how to do it on their own. They didn't need to be taught at all. My 17 month old has started going to sleep occasionally if he's really tired with no help at all (he crashed a couple nights ago when I was changing his diaper. It does take longer to wait for it to come naturally instead of trying to force them to go to sleep on their own, but I really think it's worth it.

I suppose the reason that I am so concerned is precisely because my parents never taught me good sleep habits/they were never strict about a bedtime and I just don't want to be traveling down the wrong road regarding sleep.

My parents were very strict about bedtime and I'm still a night owl. It just made my childhood really depressing.

Also, people keep saying that one should "wear your baby," but what is the best way to do this for babies with reflux? She spits up often and I have not found a great way to "wear" her unless in the Bjorn which doesn't seem as snuggly and sweet...

Bjorns suck. Seriously, get a MT or a wrap. I see everyone suggesting a stretchy wrap, but a woven will last you a lot longer. If you wear her in an upright carry, it should help the reflux. There's lots of videos on youtube to help you figure out how to use a wrap. Once you're more confident/she's a bit bigger you can start wearing her on your back which is AWESOME for being able to get stuff done and keep your baby close/out of trouble (can you tell I have a toddler? )

http://kozycarrier.homestead.com/instructions.html is a great instruction page for using a MT.

If you don't have the money to buy a new carrier (& they can be expensive), you can find deals on The Babywearer's For Sale board. You can also make both wraps & MT's if you're crafty. I love my homemade MT and I've used it so much I need a new one.

[Marney]

I don't have many answers for you in regards to sleeping, i'm looking for advice too!
But in regards to baby wearing, i recommend a 'Sleepy Wrap', comfy, snuggly, upright so good for reflus, my bubba loves it! And not to expensive either
Rhiannon

[Spiralshell]

Ditto to what the previous posters said, and more big picture:
Breathe.
Follow your baby's cues.
Breathe.
Don't worry.
Hold your baby, rock your baby, nurse your baby. Don't believe anyone who tells you that you are spoiling. Just 5 weeks ago this little person was inside you, connected to your blood, dependent on your breath. It's normal and right that you would still be connected most of the time on the outside.
It goes REALLY fast, enjoy it!
My little man is 9 months old now, and I feel like I blinked and the months whizzed by.

[rhiOrion]

Gotta get to work, so I haven't had time to read the PPs, so I'm sure I'm repeating here, but:

My 4month old dd still has to be bounced or nursed to sleep. She still goes to sleep at the same time I do (Well, DH bounces her for about 30 minutes-1 hour while I get a little sleep without her on me). She still sleeps ON me most of the night most nights.

As far as baby wearing with reflux, a lot of people really like wraps for that. I am personally a SSC (pikkolo, connecta, ergo, beco, etc) kind of girl. I wore her chest to chest upright in the pikkolo when she was younger than your baby. I started with her legs froggied inside it, and eventually pulled them out.

crap. gotta go. i'll come back if i think of anything to add.

[zadiesmama]

New mom... thank you for your repies and info!

Hi all,
I will look into the carriers you mentioned.. I do have the Moby, but it's like a friggin bed spread and I can't stand it so far. I am going to try it again, I'm sure, but can't look at it for a few days.. it drives me a little nuts.

Thanks to all of you for the comments and info regarding sleeping. I am so happy to have found this site.

lots of love,
leyla