Anyone else with a traumatic or negative homebirth experience?

[shells_n_cheese]

It seems taboo to talk about, but anyone else have a less than rosy homebirth experience? We had a shoulder dystocia, DD needed resuscitation, brachial plexus injury (since resolved) and we had had to transfer. Needless to say it has changed my views about homebirth, and birth in general. Next time, it is in the hospital. NO question.

I find it hard to find other women to talk about this with. Some love to blame me for the SD, saying was I the wrong position or had too much fear. There are no message boards about it, no support groups solely dedicated to a traumatic homebirth. I am thinking about starting my own support group.

If you are feeling the same way, I would love if you would reply here, or PM me.

[DanteLoganMom]

While I didn't have a home birth because of a number of reasons, I totally agree that we need to talk about traumatic home births and support you in your efforts. I also think there needs to be more support for this growing option by the medical community as well, since it is obviously NOT going away. I am assuming your midwife was able to handle everything though.

I think there needs to be more of a happy medium, like more birth centers, that give people the feel of being at home and able to give births with midwives, who are supportive of the families needs, while being close enough to a hospital that should something happen there are options.

I hope everything is ok with your baby now though.

[Bandora]

I had a rough birth too

I am also healing from a traumatic birth. After laboring at home for over 24 hours and not progressing fast enough LO's heart started to decelerate triggering a call to 911 and an ambulance ride.

While waiting for the ambulance the midwife had me try to push the baby out and they tried at the hospital as well. I seemed to be the only one that knew that baby's heart rate was fine as long as I didn't have a contraction and specially if I didn't push.

So I started to "fake it" since I felt like I was being forced to push. It took several pushing sessions for the doctor to come in and recognize what I knew all along and that's when the emergency C-section was ordered.

It was not according to plan at all but I have made my peace with that, but emotionally I still have a very deep wound over how I was treated from the time 911 was called until the doctor came in.

I was numb to it for several days basking in the glow of a healthy baby but after coming home from the hospital and having time to think I discovered that I have some symptoms of PTSD as a result of that experience and I haven't been able to talk to anyone but my husband.

The doctor was quick to write a script for antidepressants that I am trying to avoid. I agree with you, these types of experiences are considered taboo and it's hard to find support.

You're not alone.

[onlyboys]

Yes, traumatic homebirths happen. And, honestly, in your case it sounds like the venue didn't really matter. A shoulder dystocia in the hospital is every bit as traumatic as they are at home.

I'm sure there are many women who feel traumatized by their homebirths. It's not often talked about because those who support NCB in an out of hospital setting don't want to acknowledge that sometimes (not very often at all) things happen that are traumatizing, dramatic and dangerous.

Hope you find peace about you experience.

[shells_n_cheese]

Originally Posted by onlyboys

I'm sure there are many women who feel traumatized by their homebirths. It's not often talked about because those who support NCB in an out of hospital setting don't want to acknowledge that sometimes (not very often at all) things happen that are traumatizing, dramatic and dangerous.

Exactly. And this is wrong. We should be able to talk about these things. Why shouldn't we? To try and keep the peaceful picture perfect image of homebirth alive? Ugh. I honestly have never received so little support in anything until I had a less than stellar homebirth story to share. (And this in not directed at you -- just in general).

Oh, I like how you throw the "not very often at all" in there, though. That gets under my skin a little bit. A perfect example of keeping that rosy picture of homebirth alive.

[loveneverfails]

I spent a while hovering on the PTSD line after my most recent baby's violent home birth followed by transfer for respiratory problems and 10 day NICU stay. I have to say I'm more traumatized by the freaking insane neonatologists than I was by the home birth part of things.

I think there is an added layer of trauma in home births because the traumatic event happens in your living room, your bedroom. So, the triggers are different. I mean, you can find a way to drive around and avoid the hospital you were at that had a traumatic history for you, but you can't really avoid going in your bedroom where your baby was resuscitated, if you know what I mean?

So, count me in?

[loveneverfails]

On a side note, I think that it can be a mistake to put too much emphasis on the setting where the trauma occurred instead of the fact that it did occur, and here's what it looked like. Like, a bad hospital birth can be looked at such that "if only" one was at home, the traumatic experience would not have happened. Sometimes this is the case (for example in cases where the mom was traumatized by the actions of hospital staff... hard to have that happen if the hospital staff aren't there), but it's not always the case. Sometimes the complication encountered is far more frightening and more central a factor in the trauma compared to what setting the traumatic event occurred in.

It's a complicated thing to deal with, though, especially when people feel like their experiences are swept under the rug to fit an overarching agenda.

[fruitfulmomma]

We had a transfer support tribe going for a little while.Maybe some of the stories there would help...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...+support+tribe

[GuildJenn]

I'm so sorry for your experience.

I had a traumatic hospital birth (my daughter died 4 days later), so not quite the same, but I found the same lack of support. Although I blame that hospital staff for their errors, the whole way it went down did make me more inclined to birth in a hospital...for me having watched a full-out resuscitation I just wanted that available.

I think the unsupportive response, which I have found universally, is related to our vulnerability as parents - people don't really want to think about babies being hurt or almost dying or dying.

But I also think in the quest to de-medicalize uncomplicated delivery the NCB community fails to handle complications well on an emotional level. Someone always has to point out the stats are low or whatever...kind of like pointing out the stats on cancer to someone on chemo, when you're talking about a freshly traumatized person, but hey.

[onlyboys]

Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese

Exactly. And this is wrong. We should be able to talk about these things. Why shouldn't we? To try and keep the peaceful picture perfect image of homebirth alive? Ugh. I honestly have never received so little support in anything until I had a less than stellar homebirth story to share. (And this in not directed at you -- just in general).

Oh, I like how you throw the "not very often at all" in there, though. That gets under my skin a little bit. A perfect example of keeping that rosy picture of homebirth alive.

I'm sorry my comment got under your skin. I didn't mean it to at all. My intent was to let you know that the chance of a shoulder dystocia happening was low. It's one of those true, honest to god, no matter what emergencies that commands my respect as a care provider. That's the end. I know full well that homebirth isn't always rosy, and it irritates me that it gets painted that way. When people say birth is as safe as life gets, many fail to realize that life gets pretty damned dangerous.

I guess I should just let you know we're on the same page. I think it's wrong that the true emergencies and midwife-related (iatrogenic) complications end up glossed over in the rush to paint all midwives and all homebirths with this shiny broad brush.

Yes, we should be able to talk about these things. Even if we're not able, the space should be held so that we can when it's time to talk about these things. Instead, less than optimal outcomes are often just listed as transfers and we move on. This practice doesn't honor the place of the traumatized mother and family.

Sincerely, there was no dig. I honor your traumatic birth and want you to feel there is a place to talk about it.

[shells_n_cheese]

Onlyboys, thank you for clarifying. I am sorry I snapped at you.

[loveneverfails]

So, do we want to start a thread in Birth Trauma? Finding your tribe? I don't want this to fall through the cracks, because it is really important.

[skibummum]

I am just now coming to grips with a different type of homebirth trauma. I wasn't sure how to label it, but I call it "pre-natal neglect" and categorize it as abuse of a mother and her unborn baby by a trained professional. My first homebirth went realllly well. My second birth went equally well, but I had hired a friend who was a midwife and during my care, she became very upset with me (her words not mine) for me asking "too many questions" and "not trusting her." I honestly didn't realize there was even an issue until she just quit calling, showing up for my appointments or just cancelling the morning of. She also would complain that she had to pay for child care to come to my appointments and would ask if she could bring her 5 boys with her... I declined because I wanted a peaceful appointment and this further angered her. So when my weekly appointments came, she cancelled two and didn't bother to show up for one. She didn't call to explain. When I went overdue, I would ask her to come listen to hearttones and she would belittle and pooh pooh my worries and would not come. When I went overdue by nearly two weeks, I went into labor for an entire night but tried to sleep through it. When I called her the next day, she refused to come check on the baby and me. Later she said she was just "trusting birth." So the next night, I went into labor again and I waited until contractions got really strong to call her because by this point, I felt like I was a huge inconvenience to her, even though I was PAYING her. My hubby called her at close to 7 am. She lives an hour away. My baby was born at 8:52 and she missed the birth because she didn't want to pay her babysitter down the road, and drove passed my house to her aunt's and then back-tracked to my house and caused herself to miss the birth...... But she blames me "for not calling soon enough." I don't speak to her anymore, needless to say.

[shells_n_cheese]

Skibummum, I am so sorry for the way you were treated.

[skibummum]

Thank you. It's taken me a while to "get" what happened becuase she tried to justify her actions by making excuses. I just hope she learns from it and doesn't repeat this behavior or she will end up with a law suit eventually....

[liqdsnk2]

Thank you for starting this thread! I have been looking for one for over a year. I had an amazing home birth last year that ended with a lengthy stay in the hospital...I was near death with a Streptococcus A infection, it's also known as Child Bed Fever. Child Bed Fever use to kill women in the 1800s before Dr's knew to wash their hands between patients. I have to be extremely careful what I post on Mothering because I have had threads removed when I shared my story. I am sorry for what you all have gone through, I hope you can find peace again.

[forumyonly1]

I'm glad you posted this too.. while my experience with my 3rd baby wasnt nearly as traumatic as yours.. i remember feeling like there was no way i would EVER do that again and i felt like the homebirth picture i had been painted was a complete lie.. my son had both hands on top of his head.. my husband was in iraq so my midwife came pretty early.. i labored for about 13 hours.. 3 of which were transition.. it was excruciating.. i was bawling and questioning my friend who was present how her homebirth could have possibley been "pain free" everything went ok.. he came out with no problems (i dont have large babies) but my post partum was really difficult... i had a lot more bleeding than i had with my previous two babies.. i kept getting the "thank god you werent in the hospital or you would have had a c-section" comment.. which i'm sure is true.. but i can't help but to think about how much pain i was in durring and after labor and how i felt no real comfort from any one about it... This time around i didnt know what to do as far as the birth went.. i started care with my previous MW and then we moved when i was half way in my pregnancy.. i met with obgyns and CNMs here that deliver in hospitals.. and didnt like any of them.. then i met my current midwife and really liked her ideals and i loved her student midwife. unfortunately her student midwife moved out of state and now every time i meet with my midwife i always feel like she is so fake. It's pretty much too late now to change my mind or do anything about it.. but i still think about my last home birth and wonder if i'm even making the right choice here.. i mean what do you do when no where feels like the "right" place to birth?!

[lotusdebi]

I had a homebirth with my second child. I knew that shoulder dystocia was a risk, since my first child (born in a birth center) had a moderate shoulder dystocia. So, I purposely sought out a midwife with extensive enough experience in resolving shoulder dystocias that I felt comfortable. I also did various exercises and saw a chiropractor to do everything I could to avoid another shoulder dystocia. My son ended up getting stuck anyway. This time, it was a severe shoulder dystocia. He was stuck for what felt like forever, required oxygen, and then was taken to the hospital to be checked out by our homebirth-friendly pediatrician. Thankfully, he only needed a chiropractic adjustment and he was fine.

It was traumatic. It was hard to process. I did everything "right". And, still, ended up with this horrible birth. But, he survived it. And I survived it. And I got through the trauma. It took some time to bond with this baby who I thought wasn't going to make it in those last few minutes of being stuck, and when he came out blue. But, we're doing okay now.

I'm not having any more kids. If I was, I'd have another homebirth. From the stories I've read about severe shoulder dystocias, things could have been much worse - both at home and in a hospital. If I'd gone with an OB from the start, I likely would've ended up being induced and possibly sectioned. If I had pushed for a vaginal birth in a hospital, I doubt my son would've survived. My midwife was competant and capable. I'll never get the beautiful candles and soft music and gentle waterbirth. And I've lost all interest in being a childbirth educator since my experience. But, I can live with that. My kids are 8 and 3 now, and how they were born isn't such a big deal in my mind anymore. I'm glad they're here.

[liqdsnk2]

I also wanted to add that I went through hell and almost lost my life but I still feel homebirth is 100% safe with the right midwife. Midwifes have a tough job... Not only do they "catch babies" they also have to fight for the cause. I live in a very homebirth friendly community and what happened to me had never happened in my state. If I could have another baby it would be born at home. Before my homebirth I wanted to be a Midwife, and now it makes me want to even more.

I put together a video montage of my birth. http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p...edium=text_url

[loveneverfails]

Originally Posted by liqdsnk2

I also wanted to add that I went through hell and almost lost my life but I still feel homebirth is 100% safe with the right midwife. Midwifes have a tough job... Not only do they "catch babies" they also have to fight for the cause. I live in a very homebirth friendly community and what happened to me had never happened in my state. If I could have another baby it would be born at home. Before my homebirth I wanted to be a Midwife, and now it makes me want to even more.

I put together a video montage of my birth. http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p...edium=text_url

Oh sweetheart... that is so, so horrible. I am SO sorry! And thank you so much for sharing your story. I had 10 day NICU stay with my daughter, most of which was completely unnecessary, but thank *God* it was unnecessary. I am so sorry that you went through all of that.

How are you holding up? And Quinn is beautiful.