Pottying is a nightmare!!!!!!!!

[crunchy_mommy]

DS is only 18mo and I could care less if he potty-trains this early, not that it wouldn't be nice to be done with diapers but it's almost more hassle to rush him to the bathroom when he needs to go. But anyway, he is fascinated with pottying and kind of becoming obsessed with it, so I want to follow his lead.

He's been going pee twice a day on the potty (he won't poop on it, or at least hasn't yet). Usually he will ask to go, and sometimes I'll suggest it when it's diaper time anyway (and sometimes he refuses which is fine).

He will sit on the potty forever. I mean, FOREVER. I try to leave & do something else (I'm always hungry/bored/back hurts from sitting on the floor near him) and he freaks out, he always wants to be in arm's reach and of course the potty is no exception. I even try bringing the potty with us to wherever I can sit more comfortably and he screams and pulls me back toward the bathroom. He doesn't want to just play around the house (naked) and he doesn't want his diaper on yet he is ASKING for his diaper on. Then he wants to go back on the potty and then screams when I take the diaper off and doesn't want to sit on the potty. He has a small cut on the tip of his penis (I think must've started out as a diaper rash though he never had a visible one? Was a little white blister and then it popped & it's still healing) so I wonder if that's part of the problem, though he was like this before a bit, just not so extreme. Ultimately he just ends up a kicking, screaming mess and I have to force him to let me put his diaper on so we can get out of the house & do something that will calm him down (or get to an appointment on time, you get the drift).

Everything is a battle anyway (he hates when I try to eat food, and won't eat with me, just screams at me; he gets mad when I need to take my 2-minute shower) but the potty the past few days is the WORST & I'm afraid I'm setting us up for bigger issues but I'm not doing anything except letting him sit when he asks to or asking him nonchalantly if he wants to use the potty so I don't know what to do differently. It's so bad that I'd rather just deny him potty time when he asks but that doesn't seem right obviously. Then I am thinking maybe I should just buy him a pack of underwear and forgo diapers but I don't know that he's ready and we're out & about a lot (he hates being home) so that would be tough too.

[T-man's Mama]

Aww, sounds like a rough patch! Sorry....just remember, it too shall pass! Well my DS (17 months, EC'd since birth) really likes to sit on the potty too. Finally I wised up and put a little step stool by the toilet to sit more comfortable while I wait. We also keep a stash of books (the longer ones) and as we read through them, I will periodically pause and make our cue sound for pee or poop ('psss'), just as a gentle reminder of why we are sitting there.

You didn't mention if he's talking yet(?) My DS isn't very verbal yet, but he does know the sign for "all done" so if he hasn't made any noticeable deposits in a while, I will simply ask him, "All done?" He will generally respond affirmatively with the sign, and want off the toilet at that point.

As for the penis sore, I would imagine that keeping him diaper-free would be the most beneficial thing you could do. That must be incredibly painful!

[lisavark]

I agree with diaper-free time for the penis sore. But the whole potty thing sounds like the typical yes-no-yes-NO! thing that toddlers start doing at that age. Part of establishing themselves as an independent being from you, ya know? I went to a great workshop on this at an LLL conference last year...can't remember it all now, but basically it said that 1.5--2 year olds think of everything in opposition. They need to oppose everything, because it helps them figure out that they're a separate person. So it might not be about the potty so much as it's about...everything. Yes I want this, NO I DON'T want this, but yes I DO want it, etc...back and forth. The thing that helped me through that stage was just affirming DD's feelings as much as I could figure out what they were. I loved the book Happiest Toddler on the Block when DD was that age...the ideas in it are a bit hokey, but man, they WORKED for us. Usually, though, if my DD was going back and forth on something like that (wanting to sit on the potty and yet wanting the diaper on at the same time), it actually wasn't about that specific issue at all. It usually meant she was tired or hungry or something like that.

He might just be frustrated that he doesn't have the potty thing down yet, you know? I mean, gee, all the adults he knows use the potty all the time!

Can you spend some time at home and let him go diaper-free and encourage him to take himself potty while you stay close and watch? Maybe that would decrease the drama with taking off the diaper, etc.?

[crunchy_mommy]

I'm hoping once the sore heals completely that will help, he hates being home so being diaper-free is kind of limited but we're trying. Also, him wanting to be out & about means we can't spend too long on the potty because we have to get to story hour or playdate etc. before it's over!

He does talk a ton. But he gets mad when I say all done. And then he says he wants his diaper on. Then as soon as I put it on (or even try), he wants it off. Then he says he wants to sit on the potty. Then he changes his mind. Grrrr.... drives me nuts because he isn't having fun, he's getting more & more upset. Maybe there is something more complex that he is trying to tell me (though I can't fathom WHAT!)

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by lisavark

He might just be frustrated that he doesn't have the potty thing down yet, you know? I mean, gee, all the adults he knows use the potty all the time!

Can you spend some time at home and let him go diaper-free and encourage him to take himself potty while you stay close and watch? Maybe that would decrease the drama with taking off the diaper, etc.?

I think you hit on something there.

I think emotionally/psychologically, he is ready to be potty-trained. But I'm not sure he's physically ready & maybe that's why he's frustrated. Maybe we do need to just stay home for a few days & see how he does. Maybe on the weekend, with DH home to help entertain him so he doesn't go stir-crazy...

[Nicole730]

What about picking up a couple more potty chairs? My son likes to have everything in it's place. So, the bathroom potty has to stay in the bathroom. But, it's okay to have the kitchen potty in the kitchen. I've seen them at rummages and resale shops for around $4-$6, which might be worth a try.

[crunchy_mommy]

OK so the sore has healed & we're still having the same problems. I can't pick up more potties now but I'm on the look out for them & will try to get some (though I think he'll still want them to stay in the bathroom, he's very picky)... We have tried more diaper-free time but we just aren't home enough -- we are literally always out & about. That's part of the struggle, if we want to leave the house he needs his diaper (I know some might argue this but *I'm* not comfortable going diaper-free out in public) and he does want to leave (he hates being home) but doesn't get that the diaper is the first step to leaving the house.

It's weird because although he's really high-needs and stubborn, we really don't have power struggles usually. It's only with the potty & I know this is a bad path to be on.

[katmann]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

OK so the sore has healed & we're still having the same problems. I can't pick up more potties now but I'm on the look out for them & will try to get some (though I think he'll still want them to stay in the bathroom, he's very picky)... We have tried more diaper-free time but we just aren't home enough -- we are literally always out & about. That's part of the struggle, if we want to leave the house he needs his diaper (I know some might argue this but *I'm* not comfortable going diaper-free out in public) and he does want to leave (he hates being home) but doesn't get that the diaper is the first step to leaving the house.

It's weird because although he's really high-needs and stubborn, we really don't have power struggles usually. It's only with the potty & I know this is a bad path to be on.

I'm just wondering what kind of diapers you're using. Both disposable and cloth diapers can have irritating elements to them for my DS, depending on the circumstances. For example, overnight, cloth is out of the question, since he won't wake up when he pees, and he ends up saturated and it's uncomfortable. And then sometimes if I've air-dried the dipes, they're a little rougher, and he'll fight me when I'm putting one on. In that case I use a stuffy-type, which is always softer. It's different for every kid, but I'm just wondering if there's something about the kind of diaper your using that he might find irritating. An unlikely explanation, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

I second the books - DS loves to be read to on the potty.

[crunchy_mommy]

Well he never fights the diaper EXCEPT after he uses the potty. We're using cloth, though I don't sense that it's uncomfortable for him. He is actually usually remarkably compliant for diaper changes most of the time.

I wish I could get away with not doing ANY potty time. The struggles are too stressful.

He does like reading books on there. But then we have to go somewhere. I don't mind being 10 minutes late or something if I have to but we can't just miss all our appointments because he wanted to read on the potty all day & not put a diaper on. I don't know. I'm getting confused -- the stress of it has really gotten to me.