Dear Guilt: knock it off!

[mommariffic]

I've got a 3 year old and a 7 week old babe

I've always worked from home. Always. I write, and it's my number 1 passion; without it I'm just kind of a rotten momma. I need a few hours PER DAY to let loose some creative steam, and I've had the same amazing nanny forever who's familiar with my homeschooling, attachment parenting ways. She doesn't do TV, engages DD in art, and has newborn experience so she's been here helping me find balance with two kids.

The thing is, I feel guilty. Now I don't feel guilty for needing the time to write because I can honestly say my kids are not affected by it. I'm a darn good parent and the time I sneak away my DD just gets.."you go write now momma, I do crafts with Shelly!" and here I am upstairs. Now that DS is 7 weeks I am sneaking away for an hour away to write, and I've taken on one project that I'm looking forward to! I work during his long long afternoon nap, and it's been GREAT.

So why do I feel guilty? To be honest, the woman at the park or places I go seem to stick their nose up BECAUSE I write. Because sometimes DD is at the park with her nanny instead of me.

Am I making sense? So I start to feel guilty. Maybe I am selfish for wanting to just have some creative time? Maybe I should WANT to spend 24-7 with my kids and just write at night and be well, sleep deprived?

How do I make this feeling go away? And why is it such a taboo if I do work?

[poppan]

Maybe you just need to meet some other working moms? I work out of the house 25-35 hours a week and have a nanny and kiddos are in preschool a couple mornings a week. Compared to full-time working moms I spend a lot of time with my kids. I get them ready in the morning before school, I get them dressed, I feed them breakfast, drop them off and then nanny picks them up at noon. I'm home at 5:15 and I don't work Fridays so that's the day when I try to go do something special with them. This is a good balance for me, I enjoy working and the time away from my kids, but I feel like I still spend a good bit of time *with* them too. So for me there is no guilt, but I don't compare myself to full time SAHMs. I did that for 15 months and while I enjoyed some aspects of it, I think I'm a better mom when I work a little bit and have some time to myself, even if it's just at work.

[laurabfig]

I can really relate to the guilt thing- I've realized like the previous poster that I need to stop comparing myself to SAHMs. It is just a different lifestyle when you work, and all moms are different and have different needs. I try to remind myself of the positives of my working, like you (OP) seem to do too. You sound like you know that you are a better mother because of the choices you've made to write/work.
Could it be that other moms are a little jealous? Maybe you have too good of a work gig to be true. I can imagine that SAHMs sometimes wish they had a situation like yours!
I'm sorry you have to feel this way though- just know that others of us are out here who deal with it too.

[lazzybee]

Originally Posted by mommariffic

Am I making sense? So I start to feel guilty. Maybe I am selfish for wanting to just have some creative time? Maybe I should WANT to spend 24-7 with my kids and just write at night and be well, sleep deprived?

How do I make this feeling go away? And why is it such a taboo if I do work?

No way! I'm a firm believer in developing an identity beyond "mama." I think it's not only awesome but absolutely necessary that you write (my husband and I do the same)! I agree with the comment that it could be jealousy. Honestly, I cannot imagine not writing or not doing some sort of work/project for myself--I think I'd go insane.

How do you make the feeling go away? I don't know. I don't have it. Frankly, I feel guilty when I haven't written or worked on anything for a week!

[CI Mama]

I work full-time and my DD has an awesome nanny. And I know what you mean about the guilt. Luckily I don't feel it very often, but when I do, here's what I tell myself:

It is AWESOME that my DD has attachments to adults other than myself. It is a gift for her to learn that she can trust & love a variety of people in her world.

It is AWESOME that I am a (mostly) sane & happy working mama, because chances are good that DD will be a working mama someday, and I can't think of a better parenting gift than to show her the way.

When I frame things in those terms, the guilt melts away.