Background:
My grandparents raised me. Their youngest (of 4) is only 10 years old than me and lived with them when I did. He's not a very nice person. He doesn't seem to be able to live on his own, work a normal job, pay his own bills for more than a few months at a time. He screws people over, has stolen his dad's identity for credit in the past, and manipulates and intimidates my grandma who lives with him now that my grandpa is gone.
Crazily, he is her favorite kid. She will take his side in any disagreement--not matter how wrong he is or who the disagreement is. He has run off their friends and no one in the family will have anything to do with him but my grandma.
My grandma lived with me and my family for the first year after my grandpa died. She needed a lot of care, but that wasn't what made it difficult. It was her never being satisfied, her preference for her youngest son while I was never good enough, her behind my back comments about my housekeeping skills to other people in the family (including my husband). It was a lot of drama and hurt. She wanted to live with her youngest son---not us. And he was constantly calling her to tell her she abandoned him and that he was about to be evicted and needed money.
After a year of her manipulatively saying, "Well maybe I'll just go get my own apartment," I said, "You know, that's a good idea. I'll help you look." Instead she moved to another state to live with my uncle and pay his bills. Did I mention he has no running water?
Current drama:
It's been a year since she moved in with him. She's not happy there. He does much less for her than I did. She barely leaves the house. She has no friends. No one to talk to except him and he spends most of his time outside or in his room. He gripes at her for forgetting her medicine or for leaving her door open while she changes clothes. She wants to move back here, but into her own senior apartment or assisted living. I called him about it at her request. He surprised me by saying he thought that she should come up here and that he's getting a settlement for a work-related injury in a couple month. (Which is why he's ok with her moving away. He won't need her money anymore.)
Shortly after I talked to him, I talked to her. He'd seemed to change his tune. She said nevermind. Then she called me yesterday and said he'd brought the subject up and her plan is to move here. She asked me to find her a place. I've spent 4 or 5 hours in the past 24 getting a list of places that meet her needs and scheduling tours.
So I call her today to give her an update. And my uncle is grumbling in the background. Suddenly she says nevermind and she'll just stay where she is for "family peace." So he's flipflopping and she's going along with whatever he says that day. She wants to move, but only if he's on board with it.
What should I do?
My grandparents raised me. Their youngest (of 4) is only 10 years old than me and lived with them when I did. He's not a very nice person. He doesn't seem to be able to live on his own, work a normal job, pay his own bills for more than a few months at a time. He screws people over, has stolen his dad's identity for credit in the past, and manipulates and intimidates my grandma who lives with him now that my grandpa is gone.
Crazily, he is her favorite kid. She will take his side in any disagreement--not matter how wrong he is or who the disagreement is. He has run off their friends and no one in the family will have anything to do with him but my grandma.
My grandma lived with me and my family for the first year after my grandpa died. She needed a lot of care, but that wasn't what made it difficult. It was her never being satisfied, her preference for her youngest son while I was never good enough, her behind my back comments about my housekeeping skills to other people in the family (including my husband). It was a lot of drama and hurt. She wanted to live with her youngest son---not us. And he was constantly calling her to tell her she abandoned him and that he was about to be evicted and needed money.
After a year of her manipulatively saying, "Well maybe I'll just go get my own apartment," I said, "You know, that's a good idea. I'll help you look." Instead she moved to another state to live with my uncle and pay his bills. Did I mention he has no running water?
Current drama:
It's been a year since she moved in with him. She's not happy there. He does much less for her than I did. She barely leaves the house. She has no friends. No one to talk to except him and he spends most of his time outside or in his room. He gripes at her for forgetting her medicine or for leaving her door open while she changes clothes. She wants to move back here, but into her own senior apartment or assisted living. I called him about it at her request. He surprised me by saying he thought that she should come up here and that he's getting a settlement for a work-related injury in a couple month. (Which is why he's ok with her moving away. He won't need her money anymore.)
Shortly after I talked to him, I talked to her. He'd seemed to change his tune. She said nevermind. Then she called me yesterday and said he'd brought the subject up and her plan is to move here. She asked me to find her a place. I've spent 4 or 5 hours in the past 24 getting a list of places that meet her needs and scheduling tours.
So I call her today to give her an update. And my uncle is grumbling in the background. Suddenly she says nevermind and she'll just stay where she is for "family peace." So he's flipflopping and she's going along with whatever he says that day. She wants to move, but only if he's on board with it.
What should I do?
