Small preschool (6) DD only girl

[eko_mom]

WE are considering a Montessori in-home preschool where my 4.5 y.o. dd will be the only girl. Also, the oldest. Other kids range from 18 mo., a couple of 2s, a 3 and one more 4 y.o.

Wondering how weird or somehow otherwise problematic it will be to be the only girl. She's already advanced verbally over her peers. DH thinks she won't be challenged, but honestly, she's not really challenged by other 4 y.o. anyway.

She's been attending a bigger school, 25 kids, and seems to wander around trying to find her place a lot of times because its so cliquey with the kids that already know each other. Its a regular play-based preschool with a mainstream Pre-K element that is o.k., but a little unimaginative.

Incidently, we'd like to send her brother to the Montessori when he's 18 mo. but I wouldn't send him to the other preschool because there's too many kids. I'm thinking that the benefit for both of them in being together might tip the scales in favor of the Montessori, but, don't want to do it at the expense of dd--


I'm aware of same sex learning environments being better for girls when they are older, but wondering if at this age, it matters.
Just looking for some input.

[lauren]

I've known others whose girls were in situations like this and it worked out o.k. actually. It depends upon the child though.

[One_Girl]

It may be nice for the friendship piece, but I would wonder if the lady is calling it Montessori because she is busy with the younger kids so the older ones have to explore material unsupervised or if she is truly doing the Montessori teaching and helping the children to learn how to use material so they can learn while exploring it. A smaller daycare sounds good in theory, but my dd goes to a small daycare now and it is still clicky and awful (next week is her last week), she is a little older than your dd though. She also went to three larger daycares before and they didn't have this problem because the teachers were more on top of things, set up an atmosphere of respect, and were very quick to respond to any child or parent's concerns about teasing and bullying. I think the teacher being aware and responsive is what makes a daycare good or bad no matter what system they use. Hopefully the smaller one works out.

[whatsnextmom]

Depends on the child. My own DD always did better with boys at that age as she was drawn more to adventure play (heros, star wars, pirates, mosters, ect.) A class full of boys would have been just fine with her. Until middle school, her in-school friends were always boys (middle school it became akward to all parties.) Her theatre friends are predominetly boys though. I understand as I didn't really have many female friends until after having children.

To be honest, what concerns me most is not the "all boys" as the "only one other 4-year-old." This can be OK if you have a lot of faith in the teacher and her ability to interact a great deal with your DD. Otherwise, it sounds a little lonely and so much will depend on how she connects to that other 4-year-old.

[tatermom]

What would concern me more about that arrangement is not that she'd be the only girl but that she'd be the oldest, at that age. One of the best things about Montessori is the mulit-age classroom, but the 4 year olds should still have older kids to look up to (the 5-6 year olds). I agree that is sounds lonely for your DD and suggest that you should talk to the teacher and ask how she will challenge your daughter if she is surrounded by 2-3 year olds. My son has learned so much in Montessori, but mostly because the teachers were constantly able to meet his need and challenge him with new materials when he finished with previous materials. Does she even have materials to challenge a 4-5 year old? These would be some of my considerations if it were me.

[eepster]

It doesn't really sound like a Montessori school. It sounds more like a home daycare set up with some Montessori bits added in. The age range and class size is not at all Montessori. Unless she has set aside an entire room in her house I would also be concerned about the environment being distracting.

Why do you think she would have an easier time at this new school than she has at her current school? If she is having trouble making connections when she has several children her own age to possibly play with, why would she have an easier time with fewer kids to play with and none in her age range. The all boy thing may be a problem or might not be depending on her personality, but the age difference is very likely to be an issue. 4 1/2 yo play very very differently than 3 yo do (never mind 18 mo.)

[peaceful_mama]

I too am more concerned with all the kids being quite a bit younger than I am with "all boys".

I also have a DD who is pretty advanced for 3--literally EVERYONE who meets her assumes she is 5, or nearly 5. (part of this is size, she is going to be tall like her dad's side, but she's also very social and verbally skilled for 3.5 And she learned to ride a bike with no training wheels about 2 months ago.)

The only preschool setting she has been in is when she visited her older brother's classroom--and when she was there, she gravitated to girls a year or 2 older than herself.
Also, I have a friend with 2 girls, one now 6, the other now 4, we haven't played together for awhile, but when we did, she got along much better with the older one. (She is still 3 in some ways....older kids share with her if they know she is "little" honestly I think that's what she likes )

For ME, I'd be looking for what I used to teach in--a mixed-age 3-5/6 class. I think all kids, but especially if you've got someone who's a little ahead, they NEED to be able to interact with older kids as well as younger kids--the opportunity to teach what they know and learn from the others. I just saw so MANY MANY benefits to it for the kids...even "indirect" motivation--like seeing the older kids learning how to write their names can spark a bit of interest in the younger ones. (or really *any* skill)

[eko_mom]

Thanks for all the replies. It ends up not being an issue, because I can't seem to communicate with the teacher anyway. A few things she initially promised--she's backtracked on and can't promise my son a space in a few months when her infant ratio changes...Also some troubling personality issues and observation "policies."

My main "problem" is feeling like my daughter is being mostly managed in a crowd control way at the bigger school instead of interacted with and guided. The ratio is o.k. but the teachers are assigned to watch areas of the classroom and playground...they do it well, but don't interact very personally because they are busy watching the area and all the kids that flow in and out of it.

She's used to it now, she started there a year ago when she was 3.5 but I will have a hard time putting my son there when he turns 2. I see the 2 year olds sort of aimlessly walking around like they are in need of some interaction, or clinging to a teacher's leg while the teacher is trying to do other things.

Also, the mainstream PreK element is not exactly what I want her to be doing. Its not very creative or open-ended. The art projects are sort of--here's the example--put this here, and that there so you can imitate it.

I guess now I'm kind of resigned to it.

[eepster]

I can see why your unhappy with the current set up, but it sounds like you really need to look around more. It's getting a bit late in the year, but it's not september yet. What ways of looking for schools have you tried? have you tried posting in finding your tribe?

[eko_mom]

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