What life skills are you actively teaching your child?

[journeymom]

My kids are 15 and 11 y.o. They know how to use the washer and drier. The 15 y.o. actually does all her own washing. They fold clothes only when prodded, but they do know stuff is supposed to be folded and put away.

They know how to do some cleaning because I require them to do this regularly: clean a toilet, scrub out a sink, clean mirrors/windows, unload the dishwasher. They hate packing the dishwasher and don't know how to efficiently pack it yet, but I figure they'll get there.

The 15 y.o. has learned how to bake cookies and cakes, cook eggs and ramen noodles. The 11 y.o. is interested in this sometimes.

The 15 y.o. cleans out her guinea pig cage once a week.

I don't know how to sew, so I'm not passing that on to either of them.

Dh is not 'handy' so they're not learning how to fix things around the house.

Dh is also allergic to all of nature so we have a mow and blow service, so the kids don't know how to run a lawn mower.

I feel really badly because our house is pretty messy, and I don't require them to keep tidy bedrooms.

And I feel really badly that we're not teaching them more about how to deal with money and paying bills. Dh set up almost all of our bills to pay automatically, so they don't see us paying bills and balancing a bank book and all those good things I remember seeing my mom do when I was a kid.

After dd was born I finally had to start learning how to cook for real, and so I did. And I really enjoy it (when it's not drudgery). So I don't really worry about my kids learning to cook. I figure they'll learn the same way.

I think some things can't really be taught, but you just learn it by stumbling along and figuring it out on your own.

But other things obviously aren't that intuitive.

I think I wanted to confess here about the things we're not teaching our kids that we should be. But also there's stuff I suspect they'll learn anyway, just because that's what happened to me.

Plus, my mom was really neat and tidy and organized but it didn't rub off on me!

[bestjob]

Strangely, the thing I seem to have taught my kids the most about is the thing I most despise... shopping! They are experts, and the only thing I can think is that I made them learn it fast and quick.

Other things have come naturally to some of them. Dd is a true organizer and returned home from a few weeks away and whipped the rest of unto shape, getting books on shelves and laundry in baskets. Some of the life skills they have seem to be natural talent.

As for the ability to spend a day reading, playing board games, phoning friends and treating themselves well, that is a talent I have taught them this summer.

We spend a lot of time talking about healthy eating and how to cook well with a few ingredients.

We also talk a lot about excercising. The kids can still bike and skate with dh, but they hate waiting for me for a run. I'm planning to hire a personal trainer for one or two sessions with ds12 because he wants to know some excercises that dh and I don't do.

[choli]

Laundry, cooking, general housekeeping and cleaning. Basic maintenance sewing - sewing on buttons, hemming pants and skirts, fixing ripped seams. Budgeting. No, they don't see me balance a checkbook, but they know how to monitor bank accounts online and set up one time and recurring payments.

Grocery shopping - how to pick the best fruit and veg, understanding price per unit, checking sell by dates, list making and taking advantage of sales and coupons. General nutrition principles and menu planning.

I can't teach them much about outside household maintenance like lawn care, gutters, etc as we live in a condo.

They are 13 and 16 and have been helping with the housekeeping and meal prep pretty much all their lives, so it's been mostly a learning by doing type of deal.

[happysmileylady]

My oldest is 14, she will be 15 in December. I also have a almost 2 yr old and another one due Sept 22. She has learned and will continue to learn lots of life skills...on purpose and just as a matter of course, because she has to.

Laundry-DH and I actively taught her how to do laundry as soon as she was big enough to reach the top loading washer. And for the last few years, she has been responsible for her own. Actually, each of us in the family is responsible for our own-DH does his, dd1 does hers and I do mine (and dd2 and probably the new baby's too.)

Dishes-this is one of her chores. Again, she was taught as soon as she was big enough for it. This was a specific decision DH and I made as a matter of teaching her responsibility.

Cooking and baking-My sister owns a cake shop so dd is learning all about baking from her. As far as cooking, I have taught her some basics, like grilled cheese, boiling pasta, rice etc. I have taught her to to read a recipe and directions on a box/can (though we are trying to cut out most boxed foods-any more, the only boxes we have are mac & cheese for the baby or the occasional lunch, and brownie or cake mixes.) I have also taught her how to modify a recipe and a little bit of improvisation regarding basics like spaghetti sauce or stir fry. But, I haven't taught her anything about meal planning or grocery shopping, and I should.

Budgeting/financials-this is a work in progress. Right now our budget and bill paying is a disaster due to an income issue, so it's hard to teach her when I am not even sure what we are doing ourselves. However, I listed to Dave Ramsey like religiously every day while I am driving her to her summer soccer practices. And we have also watched Till Debt Do Us Part and a few other shows like that and we talk about the important principals these people teach. And, she knows that she will be paying for her own college, so she's learning about saving long term through experience. She's a freshman in high school, but she already has over $1000 saved for college-only working like 10 hours a week.

Cleaning-we have "taught" her but there's not a lot of regular cleaning that she's required to do as a chore. She does know how to do things like clean a toilet, a sink, windows, vacuum etc. And she does them whenever I ask, it's just not a regular chore. She DID learn recently about the importance of regular and good sweeping, through natural consequences. She had dropped and broken a small plate (one of those little saucer things, so not a big deal.) She swept it up but kinda half azd it. And then, she stepped on one of the pieces a few hours later, barefoot, and sliced her foot deep. It bled a lot, my kitchen looked like she had been stabbed. We got her all cleaned up but she learned exactly why it's important to both sweep regularly and sweep well.

Sewing-I can sew, have a machine, have even made some clothes, but just haven't taught her. We really haven't had a reason, or the time or interest. She will be taking a sewing class in high school, I think, I am pretty sure her school requires it. But if not, I will show her a few basics, like sewing on a button, repairing a rip etc.

Outside lawn care-DH does all of it, hasn't taught her, though he has contemplated teaching her how to mow the lawn. I don't mow. At all.

Car repairs-I have kinda waffled back and forth on this one....on one hand, I don't do car repairs or maintenence. DH does the oil changes, spark plugs, wires etc. And he didn't know how until we got married, my dad has been teaching him-my dad's a mechanic. And that's kinda the thing...I do believe that people should learn the basic maintenence things, like the oil changes and such, so they don't have to pay stupid amounts to places like jiffy lube. But, I don't know how to do them, because I have Dad and DH to do it for me. I am thinking maybe I should have DH show her some things.

Kid care-she's just learning this by default. She has learned how to change a diaper, how to feed a bottle, and various other odds and ends regarding baby and kid care. She's great with Rae. I have had her learn these things so that I can do silly things liek shower. Or cook dinner:

[Callimom]

My twelve year old DS can

cook simple meals and follow a recipe
bake cakes, cookies etc - I am teaching all my kids how to bake bread
some preserving (helps with picking, canning, freezing,)
help with the garden and do basic yard work
sew, embroider and knit
do laundry
grocery shop economically
basic cleaning - ie how to clean a bathroom
navigate on public transit

Karen

[journeymom]

Ah, I feel a little better. You all reminded me of more stuff my kids have learned: shopping, pricing per pound or ounce, food quality, brand names vs store names, nutrition. Food as culture. We talk a lot about food.

She's a freshman in high school, but she already has over $1000 saved for college-only working like 10 hours a week.

Happysmilylady, is this by baby sitting or house sitting or what?

[2timestrouble]

I love this question because sometimes I doubt if I am doing enough and when I start thinking about it I realize she is learning a lot, I just don't seem to notice the small miles stones, with a baby is so much easy to see this cute first times and cute mile stones, etc, but with a teen we can of forget about it.
Also by reading the other post gave me so many good ideas of things that I haven't teach my kid yet.
My girl knows how to do her laundry
- she knows how to do the dishes (by hand and by machine)
-she knows about nutrition and how to read labels
-she knows how to cook simple things like eggs, pancakes, French toast, meat and pasta, steam vegetables, etc.
-She knows how to clean a bathroom (sink, toilet, shower, mirror)
-She knows basic baby care (diaper change, milk preparation, patient, teaching the baby to read and count, etc)
-Vacuum

We are working in teaching her the importance of having a education, saving money, making/keep friends, be thankful to what people give her (time, love, money, education), I am teaching her that even if sometimes you don't agree with somebody doesn't mean you can't like that person (we don't agree with each other a lot but we still love her a lot, and I don't agree with hubby all the time but I still love him, etc).

After reading some post I am very exited to start teaching her about finances.

[mtiger]

My two are a bit older - 16 and 18. Both are able to (and do):

* laundry (separating, washing in appropriate temp, drying, folding - putting away is sometimes an issue)
* do normal cleaning (straighten, dust, vacuum, mop, bathroom, kitchen)
* cook (from snacks to full dinner, up to and including something on the order of Thanksgiving dinner)
* bake
* manage their money (as soon as each got a job, we opened a bank account and they learned how to keep track of deposits, withdrawals, etc. My 18yo is getting a credit card, and I'm confident that he can handle it.)
* take care of pets (we don't have a specified roster of who does what, but they know what needs to be done and just do it when needed - we have 2 dogs, 4 cats, a rabbit and a turtle at present)
* mow the lawn, trim hedges, basic outdoor stuff
* home repairs... catch as catch can. #2 is handier than #1.

[Surfacing]

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

Car repairs-I have kinda waffled back and forth on this one....on one hand, I don't do car repairs or maintenence. DH does the oil changes, spark plugs, wires etc. And he didn't know how until we got married, my dad has been teaching him-my dad's a mechanic. And that's kinda the thing...I do believe that people should learn the basic maintenence things, like the oil changes and such, so they don't have to pay stupid amounts to places like jiffy lube. But, I don't know how to do them, because I have Dad and DH to do it for me. I am thinking maybe I should have DH show her some things.

An absolute must should be how to change a tire.

[Mama~Love]

My older kids are 17 & 15, both boys. They can:

Outside stuff
-change oil, tires, air filters, spark plugs, belts, etc.
- mow the lawn, cut a tree down, chop firewood, run the outdoor wood furnace
- milk a cow, band a bull calf, feed & water farm animals
- run a tractor, haybine, hay rake, & baler
- plant a garden, pull weeds, run the tiller, etc.
- build basic structures like a small deck, or basic lean-to for animals, a dog house, etc.
- other stuff I can't think of right now

Inside stuff
- sort laundry, run washer & dryer, use the clothesline, fold & out away clothes
- clean everything, like washing floors, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting, keep rooms clean (well, most of the time - they are teenagers!), emptying the vacuum, sweeping, dusting, etc.
- wash dishes, run the dishwasher, other basic kitchen chores
- can cook pretty much anything, can follow a recipe, and know how to look up techniques if they don't know how to do it
- can change light bulbs, and other basic electrical things (with supervision, of course)
- for money, we have shown them how to make a budget, and why it's important. We will open a checking account for the oldest as soon as he gets his first job, and teach him how to balance it & keep track of everything
- they know basic baby care as well. They've changed plenty of diapers, burped the babies, played & snuggled with them, which I just LOVE !

So, yeah, they can pretty much do anything. When DH is working on something, they will be out there too, and he explains what he's doing and why, and talk them through it so they know the reasons why X tool is better than Y tool, for Job Z.

I'm so proud of my big kids !

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by mtiger

An absolute must should be how to change a tire.

yeah, that's on our list before they will be allowed to drive a car alone.

We take our cars to have the oil changed, so we aren't teaching *how* but they do know that it needs to be done, how often, and why.

My kids can do laundry (including sorting and putting away)
simple ironing
simple sewing

basic cleaning as well as knowing which tasks mean the room is clean. (It's one thing to empty a trash can when told, it's another to be told the clean the room and know that includes emptying the trash can, windexing all glass, dusting, and vacuuming).

cook a few things without a recipe (like french toast and stuff)
follow a recipe
sort of clean up after cooking. They aren't very good at this yet, but they do try
plan a meal (they understand nutrition enough to make it balanced)
shop for groceries, compare prices, put things away

We've taught them a little about insurance, including a regular speech about how important renter's insurance is once they get their own places

How to run utilities on the computer, virus scans, etc.

We also work on social skills. DD#1 has sn and this is an on-going issue for her, but I think that DD#2 really benefits from the conversations as well.

We also talk about employment skills -- how to act at work, how not to act, etc. DH is a boss and brings home examples.

Pet care including meds.

Personal health care -- including talking about what kinds of exams and screenings they should get for themselves as they get older.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by journeymom

Ah, I feel a little better. You all reminded me of more stuff my kids have learned: shopping, pricing per pound or ounce, food quality, brand names vs store names, nutrition. Food as culture. We talk a lot about food.

Happysmilylady, is this by baby sitting or house sitting or what?

It's a bunch of different stuff. She does have a real job. She does work at my sister's cake shop, but she has a work permit for this and there are taxes involved and everything. So that's a big portion, and she also does other odds and ends things like helping grandparents clean out a shed etc. And every birthday and Christmas (in the same week) a portion of the money she gets goes into savings. A large portion actually.

Originally Posted by mtiger

My two are a bit older - 16 and 18. Both are able to (and do):

* laundry (separating, washing in appropriate temp, drying, folding - putting away is sometimes an issue)
* do normal cleaning (straighten, dust, vacuum, mop, bathroom, kitchen)
* cook (from snacks to full dinner, up to and including something on the order of Thanksgiving dinner)
* bake
* manage their money (as soon as each got a job, we opened a bank account and they learned how to keep track of deposits, withdrawals, etc. My 18yo is getting a credit card, and I'm confident that he can handle it.)
* take care of pets (we don't have a specified roster of who does what, but they know what needs to be done and just do it when needed - we have 2 dogs, 4 cats, a rabbit and a turtle at present)
* mow the lawn, trim hedges, basic outdoor stuff
* home repairs... catch as catch can. #2 is handier than #1.

The credit card thing is interesting to me. We don't have any and we are teaching dd to not get one. We feel like she can build up credit through other methods, if she ever needs it.

But you also reminded me, dd does all our pet care-feeds, waters, handles the litter boxes etc.

Originally Posted by mtiger

An absolute must should be how to change a tire.

See, I waffle on this. In principle, I agree. But you know, I don't change tires. Intellectually, I know how. Physically, it's a disaster. I did change one on my own one time. It took like FOUR HOURS. By the time I was finished, I could have had DH or my Dad, or my brother, or any of my ILs come over, have it done and back on their way in like half the time, including their drive time too and from. Now, my dd is physically stronger than me, she might be better at it than I am, but I dunno. After my experience, I told DH that I was never ever ever changing a tire again. I don't think my mom or my sisters can change tires either.

Originally Posted by Mama~Love

My older kids are 17 & 15, both boys. They can:

Outside stuff
-change oil, tires, air filters, spark plugs, belts, etc.
- mow the lawn, cut a tree down, chop firewood, run the outdoor wood furnace
- milk a cow, band a bull calf, feed & water farm animals
- run a tractor, haybine, hay rake, & baler
- plant a garden, pull weeds, run the tiller, etc.
- build basic structures like a small deck, or basic lean-to for animals, a dog house, etc.
- other stuff I can't think of right now

Inside stuff
- sort laundry, run washer & dryer, use the clothesline, fold & out away clothes
- clean everything, like washing floors, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting, keep rooms clean (well, most of the time - they are teenagers!), emptying the vacuum, sweeping, dusting, etc.
- wash dishes, run the dishwasher, other basic kitchen chores
- can cook pretty much anything, can follow a recipe, and know how to look up techniques if they don't know how to do it
- can change light bulbs, and other basic electrical things (with supervision, of course)
- for money, we have shown them how to make a budget, and why it's important. We will open a checking account for the oldest as soon as he gets his first job, and teach him how to balance it & keep track of everything
- they know basic baby care as well. They've changed plenty of diapers, burped the babies, played & snuggled with them, which I just LOVE !

So, yeah, they can pretty much do anything. When DH is working on something, they will be out there too, and he explains what he's doing and why, and talk them through it so they know the reasons why X tool is better than Y tool, for Job Z.

I'm so proud of my big kids !

I love that you listed all that farm type stuff

[sewchris2642]

I don't think that these are the things that you are talking about but these are things that dh and I felt were essential. How to argue/debate your point without degenerating into a shouting match; how to think for themselves and not get swayed by ads or politicians; stand up for themselves; that education never ends; no one has all the answers and even the experts can be wrong; chose who you associate with, they reflect upon your character.

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

The credit card thing is interesting to me. We don't have any and we are teaching dd to not get one. We feel like she can build up credit through other methods, if she ever needs it.

I have one, but use it only when absolutely necessary - like for the emergency vet. However, given that he will be a distance away, I think it a wise choice for him in case of an emergency, or a dire need at school. He understands what constitutes an emergency or dire need - and that pizza is not it. LOL

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

See, I waffle on this. In principle, I agree. But you know, I don't change tires. Intellectually, I know how. Physically, it's a disaster. I did change one on my own one time. It took like FOUR HOURS. By the time I was finished, I could have had DH or my Dad, or my brother, or any of my ILs come over, have it done and back on their way in like half the time, including their drive time too and from. Now, my dd is physically stronger than me, she might be better at it than I am, but I dunno. After my experience, I told DH that I was never ever ever changing a tire again. I don't think my mom or my sisters can change tires either.

Well.. I've been in situations where I needed to change a tire, and there was me, or waiting around for AAA. I was glad my Dad taught me how to do it - and how to add length the the pry-bar to make it easier.

[ollyoxenfree]

We were just at our cottage with DD, age 14 and her friend, also 14 y.o. Now, the friend is very sweet, with nice manners - lots of please and thank you and compliments on how dinner tastes etc.

She seems completely incapable of some pretty basic tasks though
- clearing the table
- washing dishes (no dishwasher at the cottage)
- boiling water (DD taught her how to make pasta)

It was a real eye-opener for me, in terms of how little some parents expect of their children (not anyone here, I'm sure ). Which is fine if they never leave their own home.

[Aquitane]

DS is 11, DD is 7

DS can:
Dust
Mop
Vacuum
empty dishwasher
shovel snow
assist with grass cutting, etc. but doesn't use lawnmower yet
cleans room
basic cooking, like boiling water/warming things up
going to learn laundry in the next few weeks (before school starts)

DD does:
dusting

Yep, DS is my neat freak kid whose room is never dirty. DD is a messy little piggy. I know I should be teaching her more right now, but she's got other issues with enuresis and anxiety, so I have been cutting her a break. Over this school year, she's going to do a lot more.

Thanks for this thread, it gives me something to shoot for!

And to all you moms who are teaching their sons to cook, thank you! MIL/FIL never taught DH and so he doesn't do any of it!

[Storm Bride]

DS1 has been a little short changed on the "learning life skills" aspect of life. When he was younger, I was just...burned out and exhausted and stressed, and tended to do most things myself, just because it was soooo much faster than teaching him to do it.

So, at 17, he can
-clean bathrooms (he can do them well, but needs to be nudged!)
-pick up and vacuum the main living area
-do his own laundry, including bedding
-set and clear the table (although we're still working on getting this done well)
-loading the dishwasher, and unloading it, if it's full when he goes to load it
-cook a little. He's done dinner a few (ie. 2-3 in 3-4 years) times, and I keep meaning to get him to do it on a regular basis - maybe just once a month - but I never seem to find a good time to squeeze it into his insane schedule.
-he has a cell phone, and we pay his basic bill, but he has to pay back any usage. He's learning about staying within his limits, after once racking up over $250 in usage one month (was calling his ex-girlfriend and chatting on the walk home from school, without thinking about the fact that 3:00-3:30 is not in his free time).

He's had his allowance through a bank account for several years. He's learned a little about managing his money and budgeting, but still needs work. He hasn't had a job yet, but when he gets one, he and I are going to go over account options so we can set him up with a separate savings account. I'll also work with him for the next couple of years on understanding the basics of taxes, savings and investments. He learned some of that in school, but hasn't used it, so I doubt he's retained it very well.

hmm...I can do very basic needle-and-thread sewing (put back on a buttton, or a ragged fix on a seam, for instance), but I haven't passed that on. I probably should.

He's learning bits and pieces of "fix it" type stuff from dh, and I think that has included changing his bike tire and putting back a "popped" chain. I'm teaching him (sporadically) to drive.

I also pay arrention to things he's learned elsewhere...comfort with traveling/hotels from various school related trips (Marine Science excursion, choir trips, gymastics competitions, etc.)...coping with pointless bureaucratic red tape, from school, in general (such as the "Daily Physical Activity Logs" they're supposed to fill out)...a bit about shopping, putting together a menu and preparing a meal from a monthly get-together with some friends (they make dinner together at his friend's house on the first Friday of every month - all themed - "Asian August", "Mexican May"..they're talking about either "Sushi" or "Seafood" for September).

He's not quite where I think he ought to be at 17, but he's not completely hopeless, by any means.

ETA: He's also learning a lot about yard work, because my mom is paying him and my oldest nephew to work at her house this summer. They've done planting, edging, trimming, etc. and I think they're laying paving stones today. I don't think they've mowed the lawn, though. We have no yard, so none of that has come up.

[madeirameg]

My DD is 13 and can:

-plan and cook dinner. She finds a recipe she wants to make, gives me a shopping list and she cooks the meal. She's been doing this for the past year when I gave her and my DH the task of doing dinner once a week. The very first dinner she made was baked chicked with sundried tomato pesto(homemade), spinach salad with mangoes and candied pecans and steamed baby potatoes! I was kicking myself for not starting her earlier...had I known that she was hiding such culinary skills! I am on hand to answer questions but the rest is up to her.

-save $ for special purchases and a lot of her clothes. She gets an allowance and works for extra $. I buy her the "needs" as far as clothes but she's responsible for the "wants". Budgeting is very important to me and saving and deciding what to spend $ on are extremely important life skills.

-is learning to sew. I'm a diaper making WAHM so my machines are always out and she's started sewing tote bags and embellishing t-shirts.

-basic house cleaning, however her room is a disaster! She needs definite nudging in this field!

-all her own laundry :

[journeymom]

I love this thread! I'm so impressed.

I think eleven year old ds will be doing his own laundry this year.

Actually, since I'm aiming to get a job for the first time in 13 years, both kids will be doing more for the family.