Friend woes

[chkpea]

Our 6 year old has a friend who lives 2 doors down. They play a lot together. We don't have any other children near us. The problem is it is starting to impact our lives. Our child doesn't want to do anything else if his friend is home but play with him. Going on a day outing becomes a struggle because he just wants to stay home. He asks constantly when we are out when we are going home. To go on a family bike ride is difficult as he won't go if his friend is home. It is affecting our family dynamic. The helpful thing is that they do go away most weekends and he isn't home during the day during the week, but when he is home...it's a struggle. They do play well together, but I wish it was more of a healthy balance. Our son also seems happiest when he is playing with his friend. Help, if you have any advice you can offer that would be great.

[cjam]

We went through a similar thing and I just set limits. DD could play with her friend after lunch for a few hours but once we came in for dinner, it was then family time for the rest of the evenings. I let her play with friends for a few hours on the weekend, but I always made sure that I had planned a family outing for just us. I got alot of protest the first week that I implemented the new limits, but now it's just habit. I let the other mom know my plan and she helped by not allowing her kids to knock on my door during our family time.

[ChetMC]

How Long?

How long has this been going on? Do you think it's a phase?

Is your DS happy to do family things if the friend isn't home?

Is the other child equally as motivated to spend time with your DS?

Would it be possible to include the friend in some family outings? Do you know the family, could both families get together sometimes?

I have to admit, I understand the not wanting to go. At his age, I'm a little surprised that he's not having fun once you actually get out the door and start the outing.

[meemee]

so your son wants to go there every evening during the week? you have him during the days and weekends?

to me that sounds completely reasonable to me esp. as an only child.

do they both go to school? are they on summer vacation? how will school affect this relationship? they wont be able to play long will they.

honestly i grew up in such a neighbourhood where there were lots of kids to play with. we went down every evening to play with them. during the holidays it was even more time.

i know with working families it cuts down on family time for you - but in a way its the start of the growing up process. you dont want to be around your parents. at 6 dd didnt want me around her playgroups. she didnt want me to stay and hang out with her friends.

i would just schedule your time during the times the other family is away.

my only concern is that the family migth feel the burden of having your son over every evening. now if i was in their place i wouldnt.

can you have them over at your house?

or if you guys are going bike riding can you invite his friend too?

[chkpea]

clarification

they actually play at both of our houses - fairly equal, if anything they are over here more.

I do stay home so we do have lots of time together - it's more so my husband doesn't get to see him much.

Our son isn't an only child - I have a younger son as well.

It's only been a couple of times that we have been out that he hasn't overly enjoyed himself and says he can't wait to get home to play with this friend.

It has been happening for quite awhile - like since the beginning of the summer for the "I don't want to do anything else" phase.
Yes he is happy to do family things when the other family is away. and I do take the other child with us to do things and go to the park and bike ride. The other family actually does less "family" things when at home - they are quite content that they play together all the time so they can get things done around their house.

[chkpea]

also our son plays soccer twice a week in summer and other stuff in the winter.

[meemee]

so is it really your dh who is missing out on his son?

i think this is the beginning. of your son growing up and wanting more and more to do his thing. i see that with my dd. this summer for us has been a summer of sleepovers. of all ages of all sexes. either dd's friends were here or she was over at their house. i have been the one taking them places and watching over them or doing chores. and a little bit of playing together. mostly its been my dd and her friends. and me soothing a crying child.

is your son v. independent? i think he is just craving his friend's company.

i would say have your dh join in the play. that is how it happens at dd's bf's place. we became good friends because of our kids. each of the kids are family members of each family. and now even the gparents are part of the family. bf's gma is also my dd's gma.

a question about your username. is it for chickpea? that's what i first thougth of because dd and i LOOOOVE chickpea. sometimes we just eat it out of the tin.

[Needle in the Hay]

Well summer is nearly over now, the start of school (whether your child goes to school or not) will likely change things. It hardly seems worth a struggle.

If you want to have a few family evenings before the summer ends could you get away sometime during the day while the friend's not home and then instead of meeting your DP at home after your outing he can meet you?

Insisting on family time isn't unreasonable, but I know I would hate for my son to feel like it was a dreaded thing! Also, I'm with meemee that the schedule of playing weekday evenings only doesn't sound excessive. Maybe have them stop playing a bit earlier some nights so Dad can have time to, say, play a game with DS or go out for a just-the-two-of-them little outing and then do the bedtime reading.