Is this a special needs thing, or a 3 year old thing?

[idigchaitea]

DS has been throwing terrible tantrums for the past couple of months. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) and was basically put into a mild autistic category with some sensory issues last April. Tonight was another horrible night. When it was time for him to get out of the bath, he screamed and we had to force him out. He was sobbing and screaming and trying to get back in. We had to carry him to the bedroom where we pretty much had to hold him down to get his diaper on him (potty training has been another very difficult issue). It was physically exhausting getting the diaper and pjs on him. He acts like it's torture when we do anything like that. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with major back issues, so these instances are literally painful for me. DH helps me out so much, thankfully. I feel like I can't even take him anywhere on my own because there WILL be a meltdown and I physically cannot carry him out, kicking and screaming, which is usually what ends up happening in public places. I'm not sure what to do. Not sure if this is what all parents go through with this age, or if it's because he's "special". He is our first child and sometimes we feel like we have no clue what we're doing. We're mild-natured people and he's never around yelling or anything like that. We do our best to discipline him, although we're still trying to figure out what works with him. He starts an integrated preschool program next week, which I think will do wonders for him. He'll finally be around other kids his age. Thanks for any advice you can give me--otherwise this was just a vent.

[sbgrace]

Three was extremely hard here both with my typical and pdd-nos kid. I think I've sometimes attributed issues PDD that might have been personality in my kid but the truth is that the cause doesn't make a ton of difference in terms of how it feels for either of you or how to handle it. I also think the pdd-nos stuff influences all aspects and it's probably a mix of three and pdd-nos complications in most cases. What you're describing sounds possibly sensory and very much like he's poorly emotionally regulated (so is/was my son) and pdd probably has a lot to do with both of those. But that knowledge doesn't make it easier to handle. I do want to say that my son was really sensitive to body stuff in terms of meltdown triggers--including blood sugar fluctuations (low blood sugar/hunger) and fatigue/lack of sleep. You're at a really hard age and doing it pregnant.

[Strong Mama]

I can't say if this is normal or not for all 3 year olds..both my boys have never acted like this at 3, and my youngest is PDD/NOS.
What time are you bathing him? Maybe its too late and hes overtired. I would suggest making bathtime earlier, and then have a routine fun low key thing that happens after bath, to make him look forward to the transition. (example, get out of bath, get dressed, read book he picks out, picking out book BEFORE bath, so that he is looking forward to book. Potty training a child with pdd is not going to happen, until the child is ready. My son trained himself at 41 months of age. One day he woke up and said, diapers feel nasty, no more diapers. I said..you gotta use potty, if you have accidents too much, back in diapers. He never had an accident, night or day. It was his idea. I waited. I did nothing, i did TRY several times after the pressure of other kids who are trained at 2 started setting in, but in the end, he wasnt ready. I stopped trying at 3, put him nakey a lot of times in hopes, he would just hold it until he went in dipe.
Can he dress himself yet? Cant he put his own pjs on, or at least some of them, it might make it more special to him if he can do some of it in his own time. Let him pick out what he wants to wear, even if its just a normal shirt and shorts, its better than a fight for pjs. with pdd the more decisions they think they have the easier the transitions go..IMO.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Strong Mama

have a routine fun low key thing that happens after bath, to make him look forward to the transition. (example, get out of bath, get dressed, read book he picks out, picking out book BEFORE bath, so that he is looking forward to book.

agreed. making a picture list of the routine and posting on the wall where you can keep showing it to him may help, too.

My DD thrived on routine at that age (and still does to a certain degree). It may take a week or two for the routine to really start feeling comfy to him.

Does he really love being in water? My DD does. She started swim lessons at 3 and ended up swimming competitively! I highly recommended swimming for kids with sensory issues!!! It was the best thing ever for her.

My DD does best overall when her sensory issues are met. I wonder if wanting to stay in the bath is a way of asking for more sensory input, and if you got him more sensory input in other ways throughout the day, if bath time might be easier. The book The Out of Sync Child has a wealth of ideas.

[provocativa]

mine were like this at 3, and they are not pdd, but they have lead poisoning which interestingly has similar issues to ppd and autism. and the bath is still stimulating for them- better earlier in the day. i let them sleep naked- hey it's how i like to sleep! just slide the dipe on when he's totally out. do look into that book the pp mentioned.

[~cassie]

My middle/special needs kid is like that and he isn't PDD/NOS. For us it is personality-he is very strong willed and wants what he wants now! My oldest was never like that but he is also very easy going.

[slsurface]

Sounds just like my DS1 when he was 3. Heck, he still acts like this on occasion and he's now 4. He has SPD - specifically issues with self-regulation. He is also absurdly strong-willed. It's a bad combination . I'd look into an eval with an OT for a better diagnosis. Good luck!

[Linda on the move]

My neuro-typical child was more difficult with baths and teeth brushing when she was that age than my ASD child.

Whether it is personality or part of the special needs package, I think that the same kind of things can help.

[cdahlgrd]

Transitions can be so hard for some kids. I totally agree with getting his attention focused forward. . . the pj's he picked out, the snack he picked, etc. I would also drain the tub and let his cold body be the moving force or put him in the shower (if you have a walk-in), so there is less lifting for you.

I try to give my kids the plan before we do it, while we are doing it, and then after it is over with specific praise. For example: "OK A., we are going to into the store to get groceries. You are going to quietly walk next to me and keep your hands to yourself or you can sit in the cart. Then we are going to pick up all the items on my list. You can hold the list. When we are finished, you can get a cookie. Then we will check out and go to the car." "A, do you want to walk or ride in the cart? You picked to ride in the cart. Now it is your job to hold the list and I will show you which items we are picking. Then we will get your cookie when all the items are in the cart." "A. I like how you are sitting quietly. I like how you are holding the list and not grabbing."

It can be hard, but it really helps. And also like the above posters said about hunger, timing, time of day, etc.